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mobile phones in relationships

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
how irritating are these in relationships.
i think i used to get a laugh out of watching my ex text to her friends, but it turned out i was just insecure about who she was texting. i didn't ever read her phone but i know it's pretty common in d-rate relationships.
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A phone is a means of communication, why would it be a bad thing? Should one have no contact with others? Should one only be allowed to visit in person or write letters or emails? I'm so sorry to hear your ex girlfriend used to have other friends besides you! How depressing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no her friends were my friends too, but she did have one or two ex directory mates who were quite a lot older than me and who she'd had previous sexual relations with. im sorry don't be judgmental you don't know how we felt. i guess i felt i was being nice and caring more than jealous.
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    Mobile phones are people too. There's nothing wrong with them being in relationships.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What do you expect her to do? Just cut off all contact with everyone?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Msn is just as bad.

    It's annoying if they're texting their bit on the side when you're with them. You start to get suspicious when everytime they get a text of a certain guy the FIRST thing they say is 'I'm with Rich'. Maybe I sound paranoid. I was right though :p

    *goes mental*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my ex's phone confirmed my fears (now my delights)that he was a cheating, lying scumbag!!! so I'm very grateful for phones. I've no idea how I willbe in my next relationship over phones though as I truested my ex, implicitly at one point.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A girl at work got me to put in my mobile number into her mobile BUT only like the first 4 letters of my name

    Which tells me she didn't want her boyfriend to see a guy's name in her phonebook .. aint women sneaky .. :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A girl at work got me to put in my mobile number into her mobile BUT only like the first 4 letters of my name

    Which tells me she didn't want her boyfriend to see a guy's name in her phonebook .. aint women sneaky .. :D
    no she's probably got someone else witht eh same name in there
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my_name wrote:
    A phone is a means of communication, why would it be a bad thing? Should one have no contact with others? Should one only be allowed to visit in person or write letters or emails? I'm so sorry to hear your ex girlfriend used to have other friends besides you! How depressing.
    i don't think its as simple as that when it comes to mobile phones. i mean the whole texting thing has so much scope for deceit with flirty texts, sending naughty photos. also its really easy to get someones number in a club and put them under a different name. most people keep their phones very private and so i get really nosey sometimes and wonder what the guy is saying to his mates and if theres another girl who might be texting him. of course you shouldn't think like that because of trust blah blah blah.
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    lipsy wrote:
    i don't think its as simple as that when it comes to mobile phones.

    :yes: while the miracle of texting can boost your love life, it can also wreck it if there isn't a mutual respect when it comes to using them. Which may sound a bit OTT - we're just talking about phones afterall :) But there's lots of issues to consider including snooping, getting distracted in other's company, jealousy etc.

    Learning to have mutual respect or understanding when it comes to your partners space and habits is part of dealing with any of these issues.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm still far from convinced when it comes to mobiles, they are intrusive and can be deeply annoying. And texting is something I very rarely do, a deeply poor form of communication in my book, and anyone who uses txt speak is an arse plain and simple.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    budda wrote:
    I'm still far from convinced when it comes to mobiles, they are intrusive and can be deeply annoying. And texting is something I very rarely do, a deeply poor form of communication in my book, and anyone who uses txt speak is an arse plain and simple.
    grumps :grump:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    VinylVicky wrote:
    grumps :grump:

    Please tell me you dont use txt speak, I'm guessing you do, you are Northern after all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    budda wrote:
    Please tell me you dont use txt speak, I'm guessing you do, you are Northern after all.

    what's that got to do with the price of cabbage?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    budda wrote:
    Please tell me you dont use txt speak, I'm guessing you do, you are Northern after all.
    London born n bred me lav....I use text talk on text messgaes when I'm limited to space, that's the only time really
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    budda wrote:
    Please tell me you dont use txt speak, I'm guessing you do, you are Northern after all.
    Better than pretending to be Jamaican like all you southeners seem to be into at the moment.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Better than pretending to be Jamaican like all you southeners seem to be into at the moment.
    innit
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Better than pretending to be Jamaican like all you southeners seem to be into at the moment.

    Are you sure you are not just mistaking the Jamaicans who live in the South for real Southerners?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mobile phones can be a pain in the bum in relationships. I've never been secretive with my phone, quite happy for girlfriends to look through it or look over my sholder while i'm texting and i've always been the same. Not that I look through other peoples phones, but I would sometimes have and look to see what someone was writing. Alarm bells should have started to ring when my ex would always then move the phone away. Turned out she was texting her bit on the side... we broke up soon after.

    My current girlfriend has done something similar with photos of a guy from work she had on her phone. I was looking through her photos (with her there) and when I got to them she snatched it away... hmmmm

    Also, it bugs me when she's constantly checking her phone for messages when we're out and texting her mates/family. Yet when I text her it can take hours and hours for a reply and she always gives the excuse that she has other things to do like when she's out with mates or at work, yet I know when mates text her when she's out with me she'll drop whatever she;s doing with me and have a text conversation with them straight away!! :mad:

    Bloody phones!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    red jelly... i think theres something wrong there.. :/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    red jelly... i think theres something wrong there.. :/

    What bit? the texting mates while i'm there but not the other way round?
    She said it's because she see me a lot (4 times a week) but her mates only once a week or once a fortnight so she makes the most of talking to them. I've kind of just accepted that, it doesn't explain her family though, she sees them every day!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    red_jelly wrote:
    What bit? the texting mates while i'm there but not the other way round?
    She said it's because she see me a lot (4 times a week) but her mates only once a week or once a fortnight so she makes the most of talking to them. I've kind of just accepted that, it doesn't explain her family though, she sees them every day!!
    all of it, especially wiht pics of another guy
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    VinylVicky wrote:
    all of it, especially wiht pics of another guy

    Yeah, although I didn't say anything for weeks that really worried me. When I did bring it up she said she only snatched it away because she knew how I would react. In the end I asked her how she would feel if I had some pictures of a random girl from work and she said she wouldn't like it and got rid of them. But since then she has basically argued the other way and said if it happens again there's nothing I can say about it and that she's not doing anything wrong.

    I think we both know that if it did happen again it would bother me again. I'm not one to cause a fuss but I would speak to her about it and tell her i'm a bit uncomfortable with it. I don't think that would go down too well though. Probably cause an argument with her saying I shouldn't treat her like this just because of my ex cheating on me with a guy from work... :rolleyes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmmm theres a fine line. i mean she could say that you should trust her etc but why would you send your photo to someone from work? he is trying to get into her knickers if he hasnt already. she should respect your feelings for a start and if she truly cares/loves you then why would she even want a photo of another guy? fair enough texting as friends, but swapping photos? what has she sent to him?

    also.. the not texting you back for hours is not good. shes either not that arsed about communicating with you or shes doing it as a form of control.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    hmmm theres a fine line. i mean she could say that you should trust her etc but why would you send your photo to someone from work? he is trying to get into her knickers if he hasnt already. she should respect your feelings for a start and if she truly cares/loves you then why would she even want a photo of another guy? fair enough texting as friends, but swapping photos? what has she sent to him?

    also.. the not texting you back for hours is not good. shes either not that arsed about communicating with you or shes doing it as a form of control.

    I don't know what she sent to him, that didn't come up.
    Her snatching the phone away made things ten times worse, but to be honest, I would have still felt uncomfortable. The trouble is she always gets so defensive when things like this happen it makes it hard for me to brush it off and tell my sekf i'm just feeling a bit insecure.

    I would say the text thing is probably a form of control now you mention it. She's the silent controlling type. She's not overtly bossy, but things definately have to go her way.
    I don't know why she would get a feeling of control out of it but the other day I asked her a question (about 12:30- while she was on lunch at work) about the time and place for when we were going to meet that evening. I ended up texting her again at 6:30 to ask her again and then when I made a jokey comment about her never replying she seemed to get really pissed off and said that she was busy at work, then eating dinner and having a shower and made me feel like I was constantly pestering her. I felt like a right neurotic boyfriend! but is getting a little miffed about waiting 6 hours and still not getting a reply to a question really that bad?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    there used to be a big problem with mobile phones (and msn, and emails) in my last relationship, but thats because there was no trust.

    I think that once trust has been broken, it makes people paranoid, and people look into things more. Minds go into overdrive about who he/she is texting, what they are saying...etc etc.

    In my current relationship, its a different matter because theres alot of trust. I wouldnt even consider looking at his phone, it doesnt bother me how much he texts or who to, because i know he wouldnt do anything he's not supposed to, and he doesnt seem to have a problem with me and my mobile, so im guessing he feels the same way.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    mobile phones are sodding annoying! people think that just because you own one, you are attached to it. I have so many it-must-be-a-dating-ritual txts on my phone saying crap like "where are you?" and "I can't get hold of you. I'm worried" etcetera etcetera etcetera. Like, get a grip! Is there some unspoken time-frame that txts should be replyed to within? Is five days outside it? lol
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote:
    Is there some unspoken time-frame that txts should be replyed to within? Is five days outside it? lol

    I don't think there is. I will reply to a text when I have time and when I can be bothered.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    also.. the not texting you back for hours is not good. shes either not that arsed about communicating with you or shes doing it as a form of control.

    crikey. there's no hope for me then... hours? are you sure? what if you can't be arsed to twiddle with little buttons on a stupid little phone thing though?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My ex used to text her ex dirty messages when she was with me, if I asked who it was then she'd say it was her ex, and if I asked what he was saying then she'd tell me "Oooooh, nothing much!" to mind my own.

    Fucking hated it because I felt a bit weird about it, but she wanted to do the whole open relationship thing so I couldn't really complain.

    End of the day, if they're the sort of person that's gonna cheat on you then they're likely to do it anyway, phone or no phone. If you trust that person then it shouldn't really be an issue.
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