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Joke thread
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in General Chat
There's been quite a few threads about jokes so I thought I'd start one where all the jokes go.
Here's 2.
A man walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre
So the barman gives him one!
How do you get two whales in a car?
Cross the Severn Bridge.
Here's 2.
A man walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre
So the barman gives him one!
How do you get two whales in a car?
Cross the Severn Bridge.
0
Comments
Luke Skywalker ' How do you know ? '
Darth Vader ' I have felt your presence '
I shall try to think of a joke that won't be sick/offend.
Hmm.
An Englishman, Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar.
The bartender says "Is this some sort of joke?"
STATISTICS
-In this country alone, a woman gives birth every 3 minutes.
-And then we wonder about overpopulation! This woman must be found and stopped.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Where's my tractor?
LMAO. Cracks me up everytime.
Horse walks into a bar, barman says "Why the long face?", the horse replies "My Dad just died!"
Bernard Manning goes into a Muslim strip show and shouts out "SHOW US YOUR FACE!"
Right, so..Greyhound running at a racecourse and like this greyhound says to the other "BTW! I was running, almost won and I fell over, summat hurt my leg!"
His pal says "FUCK ME MATE! Me too, I was running, then something caught my leg and pulled me down!"
This horse pops over and says "I thought that was just me! I was running two seconds from finishing! AND BAM! I was down!"
The greyhounds are a-gog at this striking revelation and turn to one another and say "FUCK! A TALKING HORSE!"
I very nearly killed myself laughing at that
lol, same !
Two blones walk into a bar.
You would have thought one of them would have seen it! :rolleyes:
Whats grey and can't swim?
A castle
:yes:
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
A leisure centre
Had to lower the tone eh?
blood brothers.
Name a bird that can't fly
the one from holby city.
Why did the holby city character jump out the window
she wanted a part in casualty.
Acne doesn't come on your face till you hit fourteen.
His name, presumably.
He gets the guy out of bed and ties him up on a chair, ties the woman to the bed and gets on top of her. kisses her on the neck , then gets up and goes to the bathroom. While he is there, the husband tells his wife; " Listen , this guy looks dangerous! He's probably spent a lot of time in prison and has not seen a woman in a long time. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you. If he gets angry , he may kill us. Be strong honey. I love you.
To which the wife responds" He wasn't kissing my neck he was whispering in my ear. He told me he found you very sexy and asked if we kept any vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you TOO!
He sold his soul to Santa.
Suddenly Sally stands up, and gets herself a cup of water from the water dispenser. She lets a tablet dissolve in the water and has a drink of it.
The boss goes up to Sally and says, "listen Sally, because of certain problems I have to either lay you or jack off."
Sally, "Could you please jack off? I have a headache."
:hyper: i've got this sick image in my head.
How can you NOT love raptor Jesus?
Where you left it.
He's allright now.
<Gothic> :O
<Gothic> Jim Carrey's at your house!?
I don't get it
[stolen from sophia, but I must post cuz it made me laugh tons when i read it]
Did you hear about the leper cowboy?
He threw his leg over his horse.
-What sound does one cat napping make?
-Mu.
Old Lady - E-e-e-e-xcuse m-m-m-m-me d-d-d-do y-y-y-you s-s-s-s-s-sell tw-tw-tw-twelve i-i-i-i-nch b-b-b-b-black m-m-m-mamba vi-vi-vi-vi-vibrators ?
Assistant - Yes we do madam.
Old Lady G-g-g-g-g-good. h-h-h-h-h-how d-d-d-d-do y-y-y-y-y-you t-t-t-t-turn th-th-th-th-them o-o-o-o-o-off ?
A blonde opens a box of Cheerios and says "Oh look Daddy, Donut seeds!!"