If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Essential support for under 25s
Essential support for under 25s
Take a look around and enjoy reading the discussions. If you'd like to join in, it's really easy to register and then you'll be able to post. If you'd like to learn what this place is all about, head here.
Comments
but agree to disagree!
if someone gets on with their parents fair enough but i do think its a bit sad when people are in their mid 20s and still live at home...you need independence.
as for contributing i think people should help out with bills and food and general upkee but your parents shouldnt be trying to make a profit off you if theyve paid their mortgage off.
and kermit it is easy for you to talk people down but as part of a couple its a lot easier for you to get on the property ladder. as a single person i couldnt evenget a mortgage on a squat.
oh and 1/4 of your wage is nothing. i pay around 1/2 of mine just in rent, never mind bills.
You may well have debts but money is tight for most people, you seem to expect your parents to look after you indefinitely.
i don't want my parents to care for me indefinitely. i have supported myself for the past 4 years at uni and i can't wait to do it again!
I don't see how you can't save/pay off your overdraft if you only give 1/4 of your wage away. I've done it all summer. I've been paying £50 (around 1/4 of my wage) a week for my rent/food and I've saved up just over a grand and paid off my overdraft (£1600).
When I graduate, I shall get a crap job WHILST looking for a decent job.
Thats what I will be doing when I leave uni.
There is such a thing as being too supportive, I know at least two of my mates who because of situations like this just werent able to cope when they left home.
you can't compare your 2 friends to me anyway. i already lived on my own for 4 years. now im paying some keep and saving up so i can move out next year. i think thats pretty normal.
I wasnt really comparing you with my mates, how could I? I dont really know anything about you. I was speaking more broadly.
That was my point, though, I think its unhealthy to still be living at home when you are 25 or 26. But some people like to because it means they get to spend their wage on fun, not on living. Some people find it hard to give up the fun social life for something as sensible as rent and electricity bills. That's their choice.
I'm not even talking about getting a mortgage- we were helped by a parental loan for the deposit on our terrace. But people who insist that they want to leave home, even rental, but "can't afford to" really get my back up when they live at home on a peppercorn rent and spend it all on booze and skirts instead of on the deposit for a place of their own. As I say, my office is full of them.
I reckon that if someone is paying less than £60 a week board and lodgings then their parents are making a loss on them. We're making a slight loss on my sister-in-law who's paying £50 a week.
I think that would depend on the size of house/flat your living in. If i was paying my mother £60 pw that would be paying off 2/3's of the mortgage costs each month in my house. I literally just live in my room and when im not there im out ! I rarely eat food that my mother buys and keep myself to myself.
If i was paying that i would prefer to move out and have the luxurys of your own space
Yeah I'd agree. If I paid £60 per week, it would work out that everyone else living here would only have to pay £30. (That would be if we all paid towards the mortgage, which me and my sister don't.)
some of us prefer to spend our money.
I just worked alot. Worked hard then played hard if thats how you can put it.
Just because I was saving money and paying off my overdraft, that doesn't mean I didn't have any left over to spend on going out, clothes, etc.
Infact, I spent far too much on stuff like that this summer.
Also, I'm saving up because I want to go travelling at the end of uni.
I complained in the first couple of weeks because I did have nothing to do. All of my friends had gone home, I had no job (as I was looking for one), etc so I was going a little insane in the flat on my own as I had nothing to do whatsoever.
It took me a few weeks to find a job and when I did, it was great. I made lots of friends in my new job. I was out 2/3 times a week throughout summer once I got to know everyone. I made great friends there. Still friends with them and still go out with them all despite leaving the place a month ago. Obviously I can't go out with them as much though cuz of uni.
The extra food, gas and electricity that my sister-in-law uses costs us about £50 a week, the mortgage and council tax payments are our responsibility. And as my sister-in-law doesn't eat a right lot, I would expect someone who did eat more would cost more. We're not making money out of £50 a week, so anyone who is paying less than that is living at a loss. Fine if the parents are happy to subsidise you, but its something most people don't realise.
Our weekly Asda bill's gone up from £50 to over £80 because of the extra food, cleaning stuff, dishwasher tablets and washing powder, extra loo roll, extra kitchen roll. Our electricity and gas bill has been doubled- there's now two computers on, three (or often four) showers instead of two, two bedrooms to heat instead of one, two computers running, two TVs running, the TVs on a hell of a lot more, the dishwasher is run daily instead of twice daily, the washing machine is run daily instead of twice daily. Then there's the extra usage of the toaster, the microwave, the oven, the lights...
It does add up to about £50 a week when you factor everything in. I know our monthly expenditure has gone up by about £200.
It doesn't bother me, but when we're not making anything off £50, it goes to show that people who are paying less are being subsidised. My sister still lives at home and pays about £35 a week, and mum reckons she's losing money on that. It's how much things cost.
I am quite sure that a lot of parents would rather charge their children less so that they can save money to prepare to move out. My parents don't mind me staying, and they are abroad on average 3 times a year each, playing golf in their spare time between replacing random stuff in the house. With their three children mostly gone (that are earning if they stay at home) they have more income to themselves than before.
It's if the children aren't doing anything that I think it's fair for the parents to charge and try to kick their asses in gear. I fully expect my parents to find ways to encourage me doing that if I will end up moving back home without any plans to move out again. They don't mind my company, but they also want me to be independent and live on my own.
I can fully understand that parents charge their children rent, and I can see why a parent would want decent money for it. I don't think one method is better than the other. It's always going to be what suits the parents and children. Some people get off easy, others have it harder.
ETA: submitted too soon and was smoothing out some bad wording.
Is that for the odd day she stays on access visits?
Sigh. I'd like to say I'm surprised, but you know of the wankstain of old.... what do you reckon?! No, I'm not surprised by anything he does anymore. It wasn't for access visits, she was living with him.. we were estranged. She came back to live with me a week ago.
Oh, and he also told her amongst a load of other shit he spouted about me that before he met me I was a drug taking prostitute. :grump:
On the positive side.... he's getting evicted, I can't see him getting rehoused, so as it seems he'll soon be residing on a park bench I don't forsee too many access visits in the future!
Is your ex her biologoical father?
Either way I'd expect most fathers to be giving their 14 years old child money each week not taking it off of them. Maybe not giving them £20 but £5 to £10 maybe (to the child).
Yes, you understood it correctly, no he wasn't saving it up, he doesn't know the meaning of the word! He probably used it to buy more drugs. :rolleyes: