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Heartbroken
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Me and my bf have been together for 16months nearly. We are eachothers first everything, and I love him very much.
Everything was fine, we were getting ready to go into our summer holidays, we were talking about moving in together for when I go to uni (he's first year).
Yesterday morning, he sat me down, and told me about a dream he had when I left him at 5 that morning (coz we arent allowed to sleep together at his place).
He went to look for someone he used to like when he used to live up north and to get with her.
He said how he shouldnt be having this dreams after I had just left, that if he cared about me so much he wouldnt be having this dreams.
I said that its just a dream, who cares?
He told me that he had thought about it a few times, that he doesnt love me as much as he should.
I said, "so what, you want to break up with me?"
he nodded.
I cried. I was hysterical. I begged him. He wouldnt hold me. He finally agreed to go on a break.
He went into the kitchen, he cried to his mum. Rich does not cry. ever. he was full on crying. Then he had to leave for work. As he walked out the door I held out my hand, he grabbed it with the saddest look on his face, crying. I told him I loved him. He left.
I cried and cried to his mum. I've been crying for the past two days.
He said he wants to break up now before he hurts me more later.
The rules of this break is contact every few days and we will see what happens on monday, when his exams are over. See if he's changed his mind.
He's just signed in. He isnt talking to me. Its so painful.
I just dont know what to do. I dont want to lose him. I'd do anything to get him back.
He wants to at least have the chance be with other girls, and I dont think that I do it for him anymore.
I love him so much, and we were doing so fine.
I dont know what happened.
I want him back now. I want things to be normal. Even if we break for a few months to see how he feels then... I dont care.
I know people are telling to that i will get through this, but I dont want to have to.
I just want him back.
I dont know what to do.
I wanted to be with him forever.
Is it stress? has he gotten cold feet? is he freaking about living together?
I cant stop crying. Its going to be a week of hell.
I had to put away all the photos and letters from him.
It hurts.
It feels like, if i have a soul, its gone. Its been taken away from me.
I feel so empty, and I dont want anyone else, because he was perfect for me :crying:
I meant the world to him not long ago.
I love him. I would die for him.
:crying:
Everything was fine, we were getting ready to go into our summer holidays, we were talking about moving in together for when I go to uni (he's first year).
Yesterday morning, he sat me down, and told me about a dream he had when I left him at 5 that morning (coz we arent allowed to sleep together at his place).
He went to look for someone he used to like when he used to live up north and to get with her.
He said how he shouldnt be having this dreams after I had just left, that if he cared about me so much he wouldnt be having this dreams.
I said that its just a dream, who cares?
He told me that he had thought about it a few times, that he doesnt love me as much as he should.
I said, "so what, you want to break up with me?"
he nodded.
I cried. I was hysterical. I begged him. He wouldnt hold me. He finally agreed to go on a break.
He went into the kitchen, he cried to his mum. Rich does not cry. ever. he was full on crying. Then he had to leave for work. As he walked out the door I held out my hand, he grabbed it with the saddest look on his face, crying. I told him I loved him. He left.
I cried and cried to his mum. I've been crying for the past two days.
He said he wants to break up now before he hurts me more later.
The rules of this break is contact every few days and we will see what happens on monday, when his exams are over. See if he's changed his mind.
He's just signed in. He isnt talking to me. Its so painful.
I just dont know what to do. I dont want to lose him. I'd do anything to get him back.
He wants to at least have the chance be with other girls, and I dont think that I do it for him anymore.
I love him so much, and we were doing so fine.
I dont know what happened.
I want him back now. I want things to be normal. Even if we break for a few months to see how he feels then... I dont care.
I know people are telling to that i will get through this, but I dont want to have to.
I just want him back.
I dont know what to do.
I wanted to be with him forever.
Is it stress? has he gotten cold feet? is he freaking about living together?
I cant stop crying. Its going to be a week of hell.
I had to put away all the photos and letters from him.
It hurts.
It feels like, if i have a soul, its gone. Its been taken away from me.
I feel so empty, and I dont want anyone else, because he was perfect for me :crying:
I meant the world to him not long ago.
I love him. I would die for him.
:crying:
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Comments
your young, everything happens for a reason.. be strong hunny. Goodluck xx
take it easy babes, and try and remember all the good bits, grab a smile, and a mate. head out for the evening and have a good old girlie time.
try and smile xxx
I cried some more.
We were fine. Only 3 months ago, it was our 1 year.
We were going to do so much together.
Last night he told me that he wants the chance for someone else to come along that he will love more :crying:
I'm in shock. I want to hate him, but I cant. I just want him back.
Thanks for all the support
I am so shocked. Everyone else is too. We never fought. there was nothing wrong with us.
He told me that i made him so happy, that he was lucky to have him and that he loved me all the time. He said it and meant it only a week ago.
I dont understand
But I dont want to end it now on that one off chance he might realise what an idiot he was.
People are telling me I shouldnt see him again, but I want to.
For closure.
To see him again.
For us to talk about the good times.
To hear, to my face his reasonings.
By two weeks, I should have gotten over it to the point where I am not crying every 5 minutes.
By 2 weeks, maybe he will realise how much he misses me, but i cannot cling to that hope.
Its just so stupid!!! its based on what ifs!! nothing happened!!!
I dont understand how people can just stop loving
Another thing, i know it sounds stupid, but do you think i should ask if we could be intimate one more time?
No no no. I'm sorry, I know it's not what you want to hear, but this will only make it worse...
She broke up with me because we were too good for each other and was scared of being in such a serious relationship at a young age.
Its been 5 months now, it does get easier, but it certainly will be hard. Ill think of you while i eat yet another tub of ice cream ! :thumb:
Remember the good times, it makes you cry more, but at least you smile while you cry.
Good luck hun.
i dont think being intimate 1 last time is a good idea! just keep yourself busy!
Not unlike weed. When you are on, it's great. the next day, you don't feel any difference, if you've been high yesterday or last month. the only thing you crave is some more.
being intimate "just one more time" changes nothing. Just you want it again one more time, and again, and don't feel any better afterwards... No, even worse, because you just "refreshed" the addiction.
You says he's a first year? there's the problem right there... he's having so many new experiences and they've opened his eyes to the fact that there's more out there.
I know i need to start treating this as a breakup completely, because I know in my heart that it is over, I just cant help hoping that he will come back to me.
It was just so sudden, and I dont know why it happened. We were so happy.
I just keep thinking that everytime I sign on MSN, he will pop up and go "Kitty!!!" like he always did. Now I dont even know if he is online, as I've deleted him.
A few weeks ago, i found out that he has had a bit of a porn addiction.
It hurt, it hurt most that he didnt tell me, as he thought he could beat it himself.
What just keeps going around in my head is that time.
I kissed his hand after we had been talking about it, and me crying.
And he started crying. I asked why was he crying.
And he said "you just kissed my hand, and i realised how much I love you, and how lucky I am to have you, that you understand and are being supportive"
What happened? :crying:
How can someones feelings change that fast?!
I keep thinking maybe its a glitch, and it might be, but i cant hope on that.
This sounds like him tbh and I agree sugar_mouse. he "doesnt want to hurt me later on if I find someone new".
what a load of shit.
It scares me, the amount of time it takes to get over it. He wants to stay friends. I want him to come back to me, even if it takes a year.
But I WONT wait around for him. I refuse. If he comes back, and we're both single and we wanna give it another shot, cool, but I wont hold on to that.
We're going to the same uni next year
I stupidly got his ring engraved for our one year ... "love always, your kitty"
*sigh*
Thanks for the article, it helped even though my mum has been telling me this hehe
I called him. I couldnt wait in limbo much longer.
It was a slim chance his mind would have changed.
"I want at least a couple more relationships before i can decide"
(incinuating something to do with me)
Me: "so you want me to wait around while you go and try others out?"
Him: no. I want us to stay friends so that if they dont work, and i realise that i need you back (or something)
Me: ok. (i was going to suggest SOMETHING like that. Glad he did it first)
So seeing eachother monday. I need to see him one more time. We'll remember the good times.
I'm still hurting, but I feel better.
I wish i had him back though.
Bastard was gonna take me to a good hotel and out to dinner
We have made 5 promises to eachother
1) Try and be friends
2) If, after he has had 2-3 failed r/ships, and depending on the circumstances, and if I am single and want to, we will try again
3) If he changes his mind, we will try again
4) He will never have another Kitty, and I will never have another Puppy
5) If we are single by the time we are 28, we will get married hehe
It sucks, it really does, and I hope that we will be together again, but I wont let that stop me from getting others myself.
I love him very much, and I always will, and I hope we can be friends.
I just talked to him online, just to ask what he was going to do with stuff - letters etc - and it was a friendly conversation. He knows i need time to heal before we can talk normally again.
It will always hurt to see him with other girls, I hope that one day we will be together again.
Breaking up really is the downside to love isn't it?
Take care
sweet im in the end part of grief...nice!
Thanks for that info :thumb:
(sorry for being a little off topic :rolleyes: )
Its more like if we both find ourselves single and want another shot. Its more like that. I really did word it terribley.
He loves me, but he doesnt want to be in such a committed r/ship at such a young age, and even though it hurts like hell, I understand.
And thats not the main reason why he wants to stay friends. I was hoping we would anyway, but he wants to stay friends because he still wants me to be a part of his life.
I mean, who's to say that he may go off, have these r/ships, that I would want him back? Who's to say he wont come begging back, not having girls fall at his feet, and me still reject him?
It really depends on the circumstances (if we were to get back together and he said that too)
The future hold many possibilities for us, whether together or seperate.
I know that it seems that he is a complete dick and he's using me, but believe me, he isnt that type of guy.
Proof is that I said to him (jokingly) : "ya know, if you change your mind, or want a quick fuck..."
him: NO! I would never do that to you! It happened to a friend of mine - her bf kept coming back just to do that, and it got her hopes up, and I would NEVER do that to you
I know it seems like I'm a desperate person who is just trying to protect him, but its not the case, its the type of person he is.
God, i know that if I was an outsider reading this, I would think exactly the same as all of you, so I understand
I am "Depression, let your darkness take me into the pits of doom says" and Therese is "im cold... like my kitchen ... ee-skaa-pe!! says:" and stuff I pasted to her from him is in italics.
Sorry its so long and if its confusing
im cold... like my kitchen ... ee-skaa-pe!! says:
hey
Depression, let your darkness take me into the pits of doom says:
so talked to him
Depression, let your darkness take me into the pits of doom says:
Depression, let your darkness take me into the pits of doom says:
do you miss me at all?
. says:
for a while anyway
. says:
well the thing is...
. says:
i miss BEING with you.... but i dont miss as much being with YOU
Depression, let your darkness take me into the pits of doom says:
. says:
the thing is
. says:
i loved having someone there
. says:
i loved the sex
. says:
and i think i did love you for a while
. says:
but then i just loved the first two, which was enough
Depression, let your darkness take me into the pits of doom says:
. says:
but i realised it was losing the just you part, like if you were swapped with someone else i would have been content, in the same situation, and i thought i should see if i can get that loving with someone else for longer, and if not thats how i 'feel' when i date someone
im cold... like my kitchen ... ee-skaa-pe!! says:
hold up bro too fast
Depression, let your darkness take me into the pits of doom says:
ouch like an ouch ouch
Depression, let your darkness take me into the pits of doom says:
thats it
im cold... like my kitchen ... ee-skaa-pe!! says:
k hold upo let me read
Depression, let your darkness take me into the pits of doom says:
so he loved me, but not enough. he fell out of love. dear god that hurts
Depression, let your darkness take me into the pits of doom says:
i feel like... i was never really loved
Depression, let your darkness take me into the pits of doom says:
like it was all one sided
Depression, let your darkness take me into the pits of doom says:
it wasnt
Depression, let your darkness take me into the pits of doom says:
but it was like 70:30
im cold... like my kitchen ... ee-skaa-pe!! says:
julie says he doesnt know what love is. thats why he wants to date other people to know for sure whether what he was feeling was love or just contentment
so he doesnt know what he felt which is why he wants to be sure
Depression, let your darkness take me into the pits of doom says:
i guess so. makes sense
im cold... like my kitchen ... ee-skaa-pe!! says:
it does cus hes only young
Depression, let your darkness take me into the pits of doom says:
coz even he doesnt know why he really did it
im cold... like my kitchen ... ee-skaa-pe!! says:
he doesnt know what it is which is understandable cus hes never known anything like this with anyone else
Depression, let your darkness take me into the pits of doom says:
ays:
so, after you go out there and play the field a little, and if circumstances are pointing the right way, we'll try again?
. says:
very slim chance
. says:
and you cant go out with a friend, thats not right, but maybe maybe maybe
im cold... like my kitchen ... ee-skaa-pe!! says:
he wants to be with someone else to find out what it is and then he can look back on what you guys had and then be able to recognise it for what it really was
Depression, let your darkness take me into the pits of doom says:
. says:
so we probably wont get back together anytime soonish? do think that we ever will have a chance in the future? or is this it?
. says:
this is most likely it
. says:
but remember we talked
Depression, let your darkness take me into the pits of doom says:
and i do hope that one day we can be together again
Depression, let your darkness take me into the pits of doom says:
but do you hope the same?
. says:
i want to see
. says:
i dont want you to think we are going to get back together
. says:
i want to be nice to you but at the same time i want you to get over me
So yeah. Thats it.
I will be seeing him tomorrow.
He is hurting too, which makes me feel better.
He is terrified of my family (hahahahahahaha!!!!!)
*sigh*
Its over. Sucks. But its over.
And after this, I dont think I would take him back.
Friends yes. We will try hard. But thats it.
Congratulations. You just put yourself on a oven with half-warm, half-cold temperature, ready for heating up, if he needs too.
But I am not judging you, I was doing the same stuff years ago, and people told me that I was doing wrong. Well... who are the others to berate me? I knew better!!!.... and in the end I realized I should've listened to them...
but EVERYONE has to do this experience on his own, you will NEVER listen to anyone, be it 4 people of 4 different generations telling you the same stuff...
If it should really work out between you, I tip my stetson, but the fire is out, and the ashes won't burn anymore. I am sorry my dear, but this is the end of chapter 1 for you. Carry on, the book only gets more interesting on the way.
Its more if we find ourselves single and we BOTH want to try it out. I mean, who says I want to in a few years? Future holds much for us, whether he be my bridesmaid at my wedding, or he be the groom *shrug*
Saw him today. Everything was cleared. We are all good
But I think I'm ok. That was closure. It was good. I'm ok
Dont know how I will be tomorrow, but we plan to prove everyone wrong and be good friends and like he said
"If we are meant to be together, we will be again. This is a good learning experience for us."
Sorry to everyone for being a pain in the arse.
sorry to be ever so harsh here but he's not actually missing YOU at all... he was used to having somebody there, but it wouldn't matter if it was you or some other random person. So you may think he's hurting but nowhere near as much as you are or in the same way. His whole side of the conversation sounded so cold against you, and not honest or true... like he's just trying to keep you so that you're there if he needs you. It shouldn't be on honey.
You are still holding onto the goddamn futile hope! look how much you're writing, what you're writing, and what he replied. he may seem great but there's obviously someone much better out there for you.
It's a common thing with firsts- you get one or two years into it, realise just how serious it is, and run away scared. You start to panic that you don't know if they're "the one" because you've never had anyone else. Happens all the time.
But that's too bad. Don't sit around waiting for him to make his mind up, don't waste your time and your youth doing that. I can sympathise with him wondering what other women are like, and no doubt in six months he'll realise that one pussy is very much like another, but if you wait you're just setting yourself up to be messed around. If he finds someone better you'll be dropped straight on your arse, and if he doesn't find someone he'll just keep shagging you whilst looking out for anyone else. If he can't commit now then he won't commit in the future to you.
I've seen it happen too many times, try not to cling to him. Mourn your loss but don't hang around for him to see the error of his ways, because you can never have with him what you had with him before. He isn't coming back, and I really hope you see that quickly so you can then mourn your loss and move on from him.