Does disability botha u??

Former Member · April 2001

Ok i have 2 v.close friends who both have disabilities.Theres Daniel who has cerablpausy (where u struggle 2 walk properly) & my other friend Danny has cisticfibrosis (which is a chronic chest&breathin problem)
Neway they r both 16 & r yet 2 have a g/f they r both gettin v.depressed about it all & most of the girls they talk 2 or ask out just take the piss bcoz they r different.They r both really gud lookin & r 2 lovely boys but no1 will give them a chance!!
I was just wonderin if ne1 on here has friends in the same situation?Wot do u think of it all?
Luv
Rach
xxx

If u have a good soul u can make sum1 happy!! If u can make sum1 happy ure a good person & a good friend!

Former Member · April 2001

alright, i'm gonna sound cold and heartless, but i am being honest...

for a girlfriend, yes disabilities do bother me and i would turn the other way. no excuses, except maybe because i've not ever been in an environment where i've come across disable people.

Look into these tired eyes. See something you might recognise.

Former Member · April 2001

Originally posted by Turtle:
...for a girlfriend, yes disabilities do bother me and i would turn the other way. no excuses, except maybe because i've not ever been in an environment where i've come across disable people.

I watched an interesting program a while back that I think has significance in this posting, unfortuantly its down to natural human instinct defence when it comes to finding a relationship which is why we are repelled by certain features...

*trying to explain*

Take this back to stone age... if a caveman was looking for a mate he would naturally go for one with as few or little Physical defects or disabilites as this would be a more likely result in successful normal offstring, its built into everyones genetic code which is why the majority of us find attrativeness in certain models (such as Britney / Brad Pitt etc.)

Its human genetics.. I hope some other people know what I'm on about...

Former Member · April 2001

non-judgemental questions for you tigerlilly. have you ever fancied either your two mates here? and would you consider dating them if they asked you out?

i won't pretend to understand the level of frustration they are feeling now. but i think they also have to realize the environment they are in makes things a thousand times worse. in high school, teenagers do not want to be different from their peers and have a nasty habit of ostracize those who are different, without ever giving them a chance.

ur friends have to have faith in that when they begin to meet more people from different place, that there are people who are willing to see them for who they are and not how they are different.

and yes, people with disabilites can find happiness. my housemate's father married a blind woman a few years back, and they are deliriously happy.

they just have to go out and keep living their lives. i suspect they'll find love when they least expect it.

Former Member · April 2001

brad pit yes britney no no no no no!

i personally would not have a problem wit going out with ne1 who had a disability. i think people in this day and age are 2 discriminating, i mean god just cos some1 has a disability dont mean they r ne different to us. however saying that if some 1 had a severe disability (especially a mental 1)u would have 2 have alot of patience. as some disabilitys take alot of time and care.

funily enough my mum n dad r going through the process of fostering disabled children (only on weekends)

Former Member · April 2001

My husband is disabled, but he wasn't when I met him. It can be very frustrating at times. If I had known how he was going to be when I met him, would I have married him? Who knows.

It takes a very special type of person to enter into a relationship with a disabled person. (I am not one of those). They are out there and their disabilities are just another thing that will add to their struggle to find the right person. Once they find that person they are more likely to have a better relationship than many, so called, "normal" people, simply because they have found someone who is obviously so caring.

Tell your friends not to give up hope, they are probably just looking in the wrong places.

I often worry about what lies ahead for my son, he isn't quite normal & other children in his peer group see him as odd. He is undiagnosed at the moment, but the chances are he is on the autistic spectrum (Asperger's). I guess this will be seen as a disability, but I hope that when he grows up he will still be able to meet someone who will overlook his perculiarities & see the loving person underneath.

I wish your friends luck & hope that the right person comes along for them in the not too distant future.

j9

A wise man is always happy to be corrected

Former Member · April 2001

I admit (and it may sound harsh) that a disability would put me off, but it also depends on the severity of the disability.

Former Member · April 2001

I would like to think that a dissabilty would not affect the way and to this day I've never walked away or looked at someone with a dissability. I guess that's the problem with stigma of dissabillity, whether physical like tigerlilly's friends, or Mental like myself or J9's son. There are just some people who will look beyond the dissability, some who think they will but when it boils down to it they can't or won't then there are those who just won't. It is sad because if we were all the same what a sad and boring world we'd live in.

Here's wishing your friends Tigerlilly all the best in the search for love with minimal pain involved

Luv 'n' Peace
Luk

~ If you can see the beauty of whatyou aspire to, it doesn't matter if you achieve it all. Simply to aspire is no mean achievement ~

Former Member · April 2001

Thanx 4 all your advice & support.
Calvin No i have never fancied either of my friends bcoz i have grown up wiv them & they r like my brothers,
Alot of girls have eyed them up (while they were seated)but the minute they get a hint of a problem they turn the other way!!
I know in this day & age its hard 4 young people 2 accept others that have disabilitys but they r capable of doin evrythin ne "NORMAL" person is capable of doin.
To luka Jolizzie &j9j9 i just wana say thanx 4 your support & advice im glad 2 c how open minded u r & wont just turn away sum1 bcoz they're different.
To Liberty as iv just explained above that the dissabilities may affect they're appearence slightly (the way they walk etc) they r still capable of doin evrythin u can do.
To Justin Credible thanx 4 your insights 2 this matter i appriciate it but u have only said the technical terms 4 all this wot r your personal feelins wot wud u do in the situation?
To Turtle i understand your point of view but can i just ask u y u wud never go out wiv a girl that had a disability if u eva met a girl wiv a disability wot wud u do just ignore them bcoz they were different?In my eyes u shud give evry1 equal chances coz i think that if there are certain people u wont give a chance 2 get know no matter wot the reason is u cud miss out on makin a gr8 friend or partner!!
Thanx again 4 all your support id like 2 hear ne more comments u mite have on this subject thanx
luv
Rach
xxxxx

If u have a good soul u can make sum1 happy!! If u can make sum1 happy ure a good person & a good friend!

Former Member · April 2001

Disability these days isnt probably about image.They will still find them nice etc but its the question of whether they can cope.Being in this sort of relationship I imagine it would be very difficult in all areas.It is a great responsibility and frightening.

Former Member · April 2001

Originally posted by LUKA:
I would like to think that a dissabilty would not affect the way and to this day I've never walked away or looked at someone with a dissability. I guess that's the problem with stigma of dissabillity, whether physical like tigerlilly's friends, or Mental like myself or J9's son. There are just some people who will look beyond the dissability, some who think they will but when it boils down to it they can't or won't then there are those who just won't. It is sad because if we were all the same what a sad and boring world we'd live in.

Here's wishing your friends Tigerlilly all the best in the search for love with minimal pain involved

Luv 'n' Peace
Luk

Well said Luka! Can I just also add that there r those who r aware of your disabilities and then they use it against u. Seeing that u r vulnerable they play on it and get u wrapped round their little fingers...another name for this type of person would be Wanker lmao!

Former Member · April 2001

To me it is very difficult to truly answer whether I would turn a disabled person down or not.
I used to work with disabled people before I started doing sports again and was forced to quit. We had two groups, mentally and physically disabled. Those people were wonderful and I don't regret getting to know them the tiniest bit. But starting a relationship with one is a bit different, it required responsibility and patience. At this point in my life I am having a real hard time with responsibility, patience is a bit better. So I wouldn't do it.
I would never refuse to befriend with someone that was disable as long as I could handle it.

I don't think anyone is "normal" anymore. We were more "normal" back then than now.
But why are they depressed if they don't got gf's at the age 16? I can't understand... around this time I'll be overjoyed cause my driving license is in sight <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">
And dun take me wrong, I mean no harm.

-Me

Former Member · April 2001

Originally posted by Tigerlilly:
I know in this day & age its hard 4 young people 2 accept others that have disabilitys but they r capable of doin evrythin ne "NORMAL" person is capable of doin.

hey tigerlilly... just for the record... i wasn't implying anything other than teenagers can be mean and cruel to people who are different from them.

i wasn't saying that ur friends weren't capable of doing anything "normal." i'm sure they are amazing people, just as you say. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> it's the people who can't see that that have the "disabilties."

good luck.

Former Member · April 2001

Disability shouldnt be a problem to Daniel or danny if he finds the right girl. It shouldnt be about whats on the outside, its whats inside that counts and im sure ur friends have big hearts! One day they will both find girls that appreciate them for who they are not what they are, and i hope for their sakes its someone like you!!!
luv Sal

Girl-From-Mars · April 2001

i suppose its majorly politcally incorrect to say that disability DOES bother you. but i think i would find it hard having a relationship with someone who was disabled. it depends on the disabilty really. but if it was something that required constant care i dont think i could take on the responsibility... and i dont think i would start a relationship with someone with a disability. but then i know people who mental disabilities i suppose youd call them, from schziophrenia to depression and that kinda thing. that doesnt bother me, and i would start (and am currently in) a relationship with people with these problems. provided they werent incredibly violent or it affected mine and their life in an adverse way. if that makes ANY sense.

there is nothing wrong with not having had a gf/bf at the age of 16. the first person i went out with wasnt until i was over about 16 and a half and i still have 18 year old friends who have yet to go out with anyone, sand they'er able-bodied, they just havent found the right person yet, or havent been outgoing enough, or that kinda thing.

calvin and j9 are right, once your friends start meeting more open minded people away from the teenage "fitting-in" mentality, then they are more likely to find someone who will not count their disability against them, and who is willing to take on the potential responsibility.

having said all that, if i met someone who i clicked with who was totally amazing, who was in a wheelchair or had the 2 illnesses you mentioned tigerlilly, or something similiar, i would still go out with them.

Burn baby burn!

Former Member · April 2001

Thanx evry1 4 all your opinions & advice on the subject i really appreiciate it if by ne chance SWEET or BABYBIRD happen 2 read this page again since this posting maybe they'll write about daniel & danny bcoz both of them know them 2.
neway must dash speak 2 u soon
luv ya all
Rach
xxx
ps-soz 2 the people that i didnt get their point of view b4!! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">

If u have a good soul u can make sum1 happy!! If u can make sum1 happy ure a good person & a good friend!

Former Member · May 2001

Hi
Just to recount my experience...I've got hemiplegia (translation - my left hand wiggles and I have a slightly odd walk!) and I used to wonder vaguely if that would put anyone off, and my conclusion is that it really doesn't make any difference - if the right person turns up, then they're surely the right person and will like you for who you are! It sounds crappy and cliched but is probably true.
My hemiplegia...well, I'm really not sure how noticable it is at first, I would think that some people might be a bit put off by my hand's wiggliness, but it really doesn't seem to bother my boyfriend, so...
Tell your mates that some one will come along at some point, it'll be wonderful, and in the meantime enjoy life!!
Meryn

Former Member · May 2001

I think it depends...

When I helped out on a summer school for special needs kids last year I was wokring with kids of all ages, some not kids up to the age of 19. For one of the weeks I was working with a boy called Michael, who was 16 and had leaning disabilities, but they were quite mild and they sort of didnt show. I kinda fell in love with him because he was so sweet and nice and just...nice. I didn't do anything about it though because I dunno...He was my person, who i had to look after, but we had a great time for a week and went to loads of different theme parks and things.

I guess, if I hadn't been on that summer school then I would never thought about seeing someone with a disabilty, be it mental or physical.

Does disability botha u??

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