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Does anyone have a problem saying the L ... word

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i just split with a guy who told me he loved me two weeks after we started seeing each other and I really felt uncomfortable about it. Sure, i think he liked me more than i liked him but the pressure from those three little words were phenomonal. I even started saying it in response even though i did not love him. I kept up the 'thanks' bit for a while but he would then say 'its your turn' and that would rattle me. In the end i asked him not to say it til he truly meant it, and when he did say it it would then be far more special. He replied 'i just thought it was appropriate for the moment!' I could have slapped him because that made me feel worth very little, anyway, things went down hill from then on...

    I think when someone tells their partner they really do love them, honestly and truthfully, they should be warned that they may not get or may have to wait for a response... love takes time... and patience... <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Persil:
    I personally think I love you are the 3 most important words a person can use.

    what about...."do you swallow?" <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt; j/k

    in reality, it's not enough to say the words. You have to mean it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Man Of Kent:
    what about...."do you swallow?" <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt; j/k

    in reality, it's not enough to say the words. You have to mean it.

    okay, i apologize ahead of time, but i can't resist.. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt;

    how often do you get asked that m.o.k? <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    *waits for the retaliation*
  • Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Mega Poster Posts: 2,822
    lol calvin!

    I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
    ~ the late, great Douglas Adams
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Persil:
    I personally think I love you are the 3 most important words a person can use

    i think 'wheres the loo' can rate pretty highly on the list, 'specially after a heavy night with a stomach feeling like a volcano. after all, if you say 'i love you' and promptly vomit all over said beloved's shoes, y'aint gonna be the most popular person around <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;

    but i see your point persil - they are soooo important, and so often degraded or cheapened by overuse (inc. by the media & films).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Calvin:
    ]

    how often do you get asked that m.o.k? biggrin.gif

    lol.

    Guess I walked into that one <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;

    what about..."it's your round"
    "take me now" or "is that all?" (and no calvin, it's never been said to me)

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey - I told my boyfriend last night that I love him (I really do). We've been dating for about five months and that's the first time I've said it to anyone I'm romantically involved with (I totally overuse the words with my family and best friends) and he did say it back. But, I said it first and now I'm feeling vulnerable as hell - is this normal? Or am I being paranoid? I don't like the idea of needing him more than he needs me




    What makes an eyebrow flawless?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yup it's normal to feel that way, no noone likes the idea of needing someone more then more then they need u.

    welcome to the site plz start a new thread and introduce yourself to all of us.

    "Pooh," said Rabit kindly, "you haven't any brain." "I know," said Pooh humbly.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kitty_Meowing:
    welcome to the site plz start a new thread and introduce yourself to all of us.

    No no no! Don't let's start telling everyone to start an introducing thread when they join The Site! It's just when they post a thread asking an often personal question when they haven't introduced themself that it's bad.

    But you don't need to introduce yourself to post advice, the fact that you're bothering to post it shows in itself that you're an ok person who cares about what you can give to The Site rather than what you can get.

    Of course if you want to introduce yourself any time Holly that's fine..... just don't feel pressured to do it straight away <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by *~stellar~*:
    Love is not lust, or even strong like, and that's often where we get confused. Love is recognising someone's faults but still wanting to be with them for one's whole life. "Puppy love" (a crude way of putting it) is when you're "blind" to the person's faults, and that causes so much pain because invariably it does not work.

    Wow, is *~stellar~* going to turn out to be the next amadee or Calvin? <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt; That's really good!

    But this bit:
    only if someone stops loving their partner it can break up, and if they do stop, they never really loved them at all

    I don't think is always true, as you're growing up you're changing and so is the other person, and although you may love the person at one point, you're likely to stop loving them later because of the changes going on either in you or in them.

    You need to feel all the different kinds of love in order to be able to distinguish between them. And you also need to experience true love at different stages of your life because without mistakes you wouldn't be able to learn what's right for you as an individual.
  • Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Mega Poster Posts: 2,822
    Originally posted by wildchild:
    I don't think is always true, as you're growing up you're changing and so is the other person, and although you may love the person at one point, you're likely to stop loving them later because of the changes going on either in you or in them.

    You need to feel all the different kinds of love in order to be able to distinguish between them. And you also need to experience true love at different stages of your life because without mistakes you wouldn't be able to learn what's right for you as an individual.


    i totally agree wildchild. i have been in love before. but, both of us changed and we werent in love any more. we still cared a lot about each other... well we tried to stay friends for 2 weeks, but exactly 2 weeks after we split up, he told me he was going out with his best friend (female!). and days before i had been thinking about texting him (xmas day.... we hadnt beeen talking for a few days, had arguments), and teling him i missed him and still loved him. and i didnt, i missed my chance.

    but after crying for several days, i realised i did the right thing the first time round, in breaking up with him. we should have broken up several months before really.. but we thought we were still in love coz we were hanging on to the memories of what we used to have and kept thinking that we could get it back to how it used to be and change back to the people we used to be. but as calvin said somewhere, you cant do that, you cant ever go back. you can only move forward. so thats what we did. he's still with the girl 6 months on, im still hurt by what he did, saying he no longer loved me only 2 weeks after we split up. and my love life and my heart is currently a big mess! love's a funny thing.

    but *~stellar~* was right, love makes no mistakes. love is never a mistake, in itself. it can cause pain, if other relationships are forged out of something other than love and then love gets in the way... and people can make mistakes because of love, or because they imagine love. like me begging for my bf to get back with me coz i thought i still loved him, when in fact i didnt.

    hehe and now ive reached an abrupt end without any kind of point! just needed to say that stuff i think.


    "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
    ~ Nietzsche
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ok yea whatever wildchild said

    "Pooh," said Rabit kindly, "you haven't any brain." "I know," said Pooh humbly.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Girl-From-Mars:
    and now ive reached an abrupt end without any kind of point!

    (((((((Emma))))))) You did make a point <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; Can't quite define what it was, but it wasn't a wasted post anyway because I liked reading it!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Love was never the problem, partly because i never loved anyone for a while but i used to have a really big problem with the word relationship. I was ok sayign it normally but ooooooooo not in that situationa nd no idea why??? im odd!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by *~stellar~*:
    Saying it without meaning it is one of the most hurtful things a person can do. These days people say it not because they really do but because they think it will get them something, or end a fight, or whatever. It's the reason why it can be so hard to finish a relationship.

    I didn`t say it cos I thought it wuld get me 'something'. I said it cos I really like her and although I`m not sure if I love her, I didn`t wanna do the old 'thanx' thing cos that'd fuck it up right there.
    I said 'it' cos I hope that what I feel for her develops into love (or I realise that it already is) and as I see it, its better to take a chance that that won't happen than to disappoint her and possibly end it before I come to my senses.
    Guess different people just have different ways of handling relationships, and, no offence to Stellar or anyone else this applies to, but I think some people attach too much importance to 'those 3 words'. After all, its all in your feelings and actions how you care for someone, not in what you say.

    "Honesty is just an excuse for lack of imagination."
  • Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Mega Poster Posts: 2,822
    talyn, i have to agree with the last bit. theres no point in saying "i love you" if youre going to do your damndest to act as if you mean the opposite. ive had it done to me before and its not pleasant <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; your actions are more important than words. but, i can imagine how painful it is to be with someone who cant say the words, but who you know loves you. talking to a few people tonight and i saw it from another angle. *sigh*. relationships, so tricky. who'd have em?!

    "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
    ~ Nietzsche
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    True. We all change as we age (wow! rhyme!) and part of a relationship is being able to accept that change and still love the person for who they are, not who they were.

    The three words do have a lot of importance attached to them, even though some use them all the time. We're all different. Often when two people who have different attitudes towards love are together, the situation is liable to flare up due to misunderstandings. That may be the problem.

    I stand by this though - saying it without meaning it is not nice at all! (depending on many factors which I've outlined above . . . why do we need disclaimers! lol!)

    This is the first day of the rest of your life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for the reassurance. I didn't mean to be rude by not introducing myself! Not that there's much to tell: I'm jus ur average 17 year old unsigned band enthusiast / anarchist <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"&gt; (the sex drugs and rock 'n' roll life story can wait for now). As for starting a new thread - as soon as some burning issue comes up I assure you this is the first place I'll come

    What makes an eyebrow flawless?
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