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when a pet dies :-(

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
in august we had one of our dogs put to sleep. she was about 87 in human years and developed cancer. we found out she had cancer then 3 days later we decided to get her put to sleep (i don't like calling it getting them put down as it sounds horrible) as she got really bad really quickly. i.e. she wasn't eating and couldn't even stand up. thinking about seeing her looking so lifeless and not her usual self makes me feel so sad. i lay in bed at night thinking about her, i miss her. we'd had her since i was 9 and i'm 21 now so it's quite a while.

i went with my step-dad to the vets and they agreed it was best to get her put to sleep. they asked whether we wanted to stay with her while they did it but we said no 'cause we were already in tears. now i'm thinking i wish i had so i could've been with her while she went to sleep. i know the vets will have been nice and stroked her i just feel bad.

i've only recently started getting upset about it and i don't really want to talk to my mum about it 'cause she was pretty cut up about it too.

i'm not really sure what i hope to achieve from this, i guess some words of comfort/wisdom would be cool.

i wasn't sure where to put this but i figured she was one of the family and it didn't really fit anywhere else.

thank you. x
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Awwwww mate, i really feel for you. When you lose a pet that's been with you for a long time it really is like losing a member of the family. Don't feel guilty about not stying with your dog while they put her to sleep. I bet a lot of other people couldn't do it either. It doesn't make you a bad person in any way, shape or form. You did the best for your dog in the 12 years they were with you, and when she got ill you took the best course of action available, even the vet agreed.

    Fortunately we can make these decisions with our pets, when they're incurably ill and in a lot of pain, we just just can't see them like that knowing how much they're hurting, so we do the best we can do and put them to sleep.

    I spose what i'm saying is, don't be guilty about not staying with them, and be sure in the knowledge that you did the right thing by ending their suffering.

    *HUG*

    XxX
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I recently had put my dalmation down which I have had since I was 4. I do miss her still, but which this will seem rather strange to some people, I went out and bought two puppies.

    I do still think about my dalmatian, but know I have two new arrivals to my family.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well we had 3 dogs to start with so it's not like it feels really weird her not being there which is good i guess.


    my nan died of cancer in may and as horrible as it sounds i cried more when we got mabel put to sleep. my nan would understand, i think!

    i thought i was alright about it but i'm not really. i think it's a bit of a delayed grieving or something.

    i wanna stop feeling sad about it. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I understand how you feel, I had cat for 7 years. his name was bubbles.
    he was what you would call a kamekaze cat because he had so much stuff happen to him, he was hit by a car and it fractured his pelvis. he came home one day with the skin stripped off his tail and had to have it cut off (to lighten the mood we nicknamed him 'stumpy'.)he came home with cats claws and teeth in his neck and ears. he was so friendly and playful. until november last year. he was acting funny ie he was being really sick. he was glassy eyed and he just kept staring at the walls. eventually he got out. went into our neighbors really nice back garden, layed down in a flowerbed, fell asleep and never woke up. we found him 3 weeks later (we thought he ran off) hes buried in the back garden and I miss him like hell. I raised him from a kitten myself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ive been in a similar situation a few times, where ive regretted not being there when the pet was euthanased. When i was 17 our labarador was, and we'd had him since i was about 3. Nearly 5 years later i still think about him, and its still upsetting, but nowhere near as much as it was nearer the time.

    More recently my cat died, and he was 17, i'd had him since i was 4.

    Its a hard decision to make, having a pet put to sleep, and hard deciding whether you want to be present or not. I actually think that being present provides more closure, and makes it easier to move on. But when faced with the decision i have in the past decided to not be present, because i will have felt silly for being so upset over it.

    I guess all you can do, is try not to dwell on the fact that you wer'nt there. Ive worked in a vets before and when they put animals to sleep its always really gentle and they stroke the pet and stuff. Some of them even cry, even though its not their pet. Your dog will have still felt cared for and you provided her with a happy life, and ended it when she was suffering.

    Concentrate on the fact that you did right by her, and dont feel silly for mourning over a pet, because they become part of the family as much as any human :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You probably knew your dog better than you knew your nan. I barely cried when my granny died, not because I didn't care, but because I didn't see her very often anyway and knew she'd had a good run of it. I just hope that it wasn't too hard for her at the end. It sounds like it was the right thing to do for your dog, as hard as it seems, like with my cat, but it's alright now, so don't worry about it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aw, I'm sorry.
    When I was about 13 I had my first ever dog put to sleep. And last August we had our other dog put to sleep. They were both really poorly and it was the best thing to do for them. I still get really upset about them both dying - but I know it was for the best. That they're in a pain free, happier place now.

    Pets become as much as the family as a person does. Dont feel guilty about not being there when it happened, it's really hard to do. Personal experience though I was there both times. It's heart breaking to see it happen but I felt like I was able to say goodbye, and that they were no longer in pain. My first dogs heart though fought the injection and it was horrible - they asked us to leave and I feel like I never got to say bye properly.

    It'll always be upsetting no matter how many years ago it is - but it does get easier.

    Meh, this thread has made me reallly sad.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i've only recently started getting upset about it and i don't really want to talk to my mum about it 'cause she was pretty cut up about it too.

    Maybe your mum needs / wants to talk about it but is too scared of upsetting you too... I think grief is much easier shared because rather than burdening each other you will support each other. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really miss Kato, our Siamese cat. He died a while ago but he was the best cat someone could have. So affectionate and trusting and as daft as a brush. He used to catch leverettes in the field, and bring 'em back and wash 'em :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope you're okay.

    I was there when my cat Tich was put to sleep. It was really upsetting at the time but peaceful. At least they don't have to suffer a long and drawn out death.
  • SkiveSkive No discipline. No morality. No respect. New ForestPosts: 15,170 Skive's The Limit
    HIT wrote:
    I do still think about my dalmatian, but know I have two new arrivals to my family.

    :yes:

    Best thing to do is get another one. Harsh as that may sound.
    Yesterday is history
    Tomorrow is a mystery
    But today is a gift
    That’s why it’s call the present
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Skive wrote:
    :yes:

    Best thing to do is get another one. Harsh as that may sound.


    like i said we had 3 originally so we still have 2 left. we've got her half sister. :)

    i think my step-dad would leave my mum if she got another dog!

    cheers for all the replies. :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You shouldn't feel bad about it, like someone else has said you was there for her for all her life and she would have known how much you loved her and died with ALOT of happy memories.

    You said your nan would have understood why you are more upset about the death of your dog rather than the death or her, well maybe your dog understands why you couldn't bear to be there with her and that you shouldn't feel guilty about it but just remember the times you had together instead.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This thread has made me sad.

    I had to have my cat put to sleep in May. I went to the vets with her expecting some medicine for her, and when the vet explained she was full of tumours and due to her age (21) she was too old and frail to survive any surgery. I had to have her put to sleep. They gave me some time to say goodbye, and it was awful because although she was ill, she was still purring and dribbling. Thankfully my dad was with me as I couldn't stay in the room when they did the injection. I didn't want her to be alone but I didn't want to see her final moments either. I just wanted to remember her as the dribbly old moggy I'd had for years. The vets were lovely, I was such a state they let me leave out a side door so I didn't have to walk past the people in the waiting room.

    I get more upset about animals than people, I still cry when I remember our old dogs, cats, hamsters, pheasants etc. I've lost grandparents and some friends too but I can look back at them and smile and not start bawling.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This thread has made me sad.


    sorry.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sorry.

    Oh no!! Didn't mean it like that hun, just meant I know how it feels. Hope you are ok :)
  • SkiveSkive No discipline. No morality. No respect. New ForestPosts: 15,170 Skive's The Limit
    Thinking of taking the cat to the vets to get her put down. She's about 15, gets around all right and still eats fine but she's pissing everywhere and is a generally a fucking nuisance.
    Yesterday is history
    Tomorrow is a mystery
    But today is a gift
    That’s why it’s call the present
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know it's not the same thing, but I remember when my dog Suzy got hit by a car because some fucking arsehole threw a firework at it and she ran onto the road.

    It fucking ripped me apart seeing her suffering and in real pain and that. She got her leg stapled (or something), and we had her home for a few weeks, but she was so obviously in a lot of pain. The thought of her in her little cage looking at me with really sad eyes is still enough to bring me to tears.

    It's OK to get upset though, I do think speaking to your Mam might help? It did with me, I had a tearful conversation with my Mam a while ago when we were talking about our cats that died a few years ago, like how they used to lick me and my brothers hand when we came in from school and that.

    Don't be scared to have a proper cry about it though, seeing a pet put to sleep after however meany years is an absolute fucker to deal with :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When my German Shepherd, that had been with me since i was 10, got to 11 years old, she suffered a heart attack and later that same night died. She always looked after all of our family all the time even at the end, she didnt make us take her to the vet to have her put to sleep, she saved us from the decision and i still cry even now thinking about her. She meant so much to me and you never ever forget them or get over them, because they are a member of the family. I always think now she is looking over me still protecting us all. I miss her all the time though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks for the other replies. :)

    we still have her ashes in a box in the living room, we're not sure what to do with them...?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks for the other replies. :)

    we still have her ashes in a box in the living room, we're not sure what to do with them...?

    Bury them in the garden and maybe plant a small tree or a bush over them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    RubberSkin wrote:
    Bury them in the garden and maybe plant a small tree or a bush over them.


    well we're not gonna stay in that house forever see..
  • SkiveSkive No discipline. No morality. No respect. New ForestPosts: 15,170 Skive's The Limit
    RubberSkin wrote:
    Bury them in the garden and maybe plant a small tree or a bush over them.

    The vet came out to us when we put our dog down. After she died we dug a hole in the garden, put her in it and then planted an apple tree on top.
    Yesterday is history
    Tomorrow is a mystery
    But today is a gift
    That’s why it’s call the present
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well we're not gonna stay in that house forever see..

    you could scatter them on her most favourite walk location
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Skive wrote:
    The vet came out to us when we put our dog down. After she died we dug a hole in the garden, put her in it and then planted an apple tree on top.
    isn't that illegal now?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We personally didn't keep the ashes of our two dogs - we let the vet deal with them :(.

    But is there anywhere that your dog used to like going for a walk or somewhere? That'd be nice.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    isn't that illegal now?

    I don't think so, we did the same for our dog, and we have our horse buried next to her :D

    It's illegal for farm animals i think.

    Anyway i found this ...

    When a pet or farm animal passes away there are several ways legally to handle them. According to the Vermont Department of Health you may bury the animal on your property as long as you take some precautions. The animal should be buried at least 100 feet from a water source and should be at least 2 feet underground and covered with 10 pounds of lime to discourage other animals from digging it up.

    Many veterinarians also provide a service for the disposal of animals and rendering companies will sometimes accept large animals. Your local game warden will pick up a deer or moose.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmm well we were told by a vet i think that you're not allowed to anymore.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmm well we were told by a vet i think that you're not allowed to anymore.

    Why not? You can bury dead people what difference is there?

    Anyway i'm sure no one will know it's not like they come round everyones gardens every year and dig them up to check whether or not you have any buried pets there.
  • SkiveSkive No discipline. No morality. No respect. New ForestPosts: 15,170 Skive's The Limit
    hmm well we were told by a vet i think that you're not allowed to anymore.

    It isn't illegal.
    http://www.gardenlaw.co.uk/gardenburial.html
    Yesterday is history
    Tomorrow is a mystery
    But today is a gift
    That’s why it’s call the present
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