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Just Me
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in General Chat
Well first day back to uni, didn't exactly go well (Im retaking the year and thus dont know anyone) I manged to talk to exactly one person in the one and only lecture I had. Then comes the main event of the day where the returning members of the band get together. I dont know what it is but heres what basically happened. I arrive quite early as I normally do so everyone else is coming in going 'Hi' and whatnot to everyone else and talking with each other and then theres me just sat in a chair on the side watching. So i dont know if its just me or what but it kind of hurt abit just to be watching everyone else chatting and so on. Maybe its just because im rapidly heading for one of my low periods or whatever but it still doesn't explain it.
Anyway after that little experience im just really depressed and im just wondering why oh why do I even bother.
Anyway after that little experience im just really depressed and im just wondering why oh why do I even bother.
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Man my first day back was a little bit rubbish too. I've got last years timetable, so I'm laughed at by a load of politics students for being in the wrong room and then arrive 10mins late to my first lecture. Good work for me, my mates will be calling me muppet for a good 6 weeks. Just don't forget the fresher's fair this weekend.
Me: Hi, Hows your summer?
person: oh fne fine. You?
me: oh its was alright didn;t do much.
person:Yeah. *turns around and leaves*
so once that was over there wasn't exactly alot else to say.
I know I should have tried to say something I just dont know what.
Also, it's better to try to empower yourself and find something to do in your spare time/summer, even if it doesn't work out as plan you still tried and can laugh about it with your mates later on.
Do ask your friends if they want to do something with you. I never really used to initiate something, always told myself I couldn't think of anything and that my ideas were shit anyway, blah blah blah more excuses. Then halfway through this summer I swore I'd do something about it, and even if I was working every single day of the week, I was all over the place doing random stuff with my friends. Just last weekend I in some act of desperation asked my friend who's never listened to Drum'n Bass if she was willing to come to an event with me (I hadn't gone either) and taking me by surprise she said yes and we had the best evening together in long long time!
You really need to put your life on the line. It's scary as hell, but it's the only way you'll get the benefits. And what great benefits they are! I've worked so hard the past three years to set my life straight and it's by far the hardest thing I have ever done (I'll never ever say it was easy!), but now I am so grateful for everything I have.
One thing that *really* helped me when I was at my lowest was to buy a small empty book and write a diary of everything I perceived as positive, no matter how small or insignificant it was. I wrote down if a shop assistant smiled at me! If my mum let me borrow her car, anything that could be viewed as positive. I didn't expect anything, but almost immediately my brain turned from a pessimist to a flaming optimist. This was one of the biggest life changing things I've done! I'm not joking, ever since I keep finding all those awesome things going on in my life. I successfully brainwashed myself. :shocking:
What other classes are you taking?
What are you majoring in?
Is this your first year here? (that then can be taken to, first year of school? did you transfer here?)
Where abouts do/did you live?
Questions that require answers taht keep the conversation and at the same time you kind of get to know somebody.
I know it can be really really really really hard. I had a decade of therapy for it. Of course things are still hard, but it helps. Have you ever though of something like that to help?
But as Jaloux said, your there because the alternative could be worse. Unless you do want to be a janitor
Deep breaths.
Why do you find it hard to talk to people? I learned the best way to overcome things is to find out why they are happening. From there you can start to change.
I re-sat my first year and every fucker treated me like the fountain of all knowledge, as if I'd actually been to more than five classes first time around :no:
Seriously, just yap to people. It might seem fucking weird, but take a deep breath and ask questions and stuff.
@ my_name: Im not entirely sure therapy would be the way to go seems a little extreme.
Why do you find it hard to talk to people? I will try to explain as best I can what I think it is although words and writing have never been my forte. What happens as far as I can tell when I talk to someone is my mind just freezes and I cant think of anything, then I start to mess up my words, then I get embaressed, then the something starts: run away, run, look the doors over there, run you fool. So what im thinking is that i dont want to talk to people so as to avoid this happening and avoid the feelings of utter uselessness I get afterwards.
I feel for you. I started in march with uni, which is the second semester. Meaning, I tried to understand and follow lectures of on of the most difficult studies, even tho I did not have any prerequisite for that lectures.
I did not understand jack shit, felt eternally dumb, had noone to talk, was physically ill, because of the stress all the time and whatnot.
Now I started regularly again, with a guy I knew from the ambulance back then, we were all introduced to each other, the lectures seem "really" easy now, where I already struggled with all the part 2 lectures in the summer semester and even tho it's very stressy (started yesterday and have on friday already and exam which determines if I am allowed in the labs; I need to refresh my basic grammar school knowledge, cuz haven't been to school for >2 years and maths is hard and the teacher teaches in light speed), it seems as if I am getting along.
I had a little hanky-panky with a girl last semester and that brought me pretty down too. I couldn't imagine having a girlfriend now, since I hardly have any time, and that a heartache of any kind would totally throw me off-course and harms my studying.
Make the effort dude. You won't stay in university if you remain on your own.
Oh I'm horrible at explaining things, maybe I"ll get you my shrink to rewrite this for me :razz:
I have seen this advice given a fair bit, but always kind of thought to brush past it (I can get quite tongue tied around new ppl at times too and it gets to me occasionally =d)...
Was it just something you did then read each morning to give yourself a positive kick for the day?
Maybe it's a "breaking the ice" thing, but if you show "hey, I am not gonna eat you (out), when you talk to me." [sorry had to add the brackets for comedy value], they are usually more comfortable to come back to you and ask you stuff or anything.
Since they SEEMS to be pretentious bitches, who figuratively eat you up when you GOT THE CHEEK to talk to them, everyone might be a bit careful....
Im redoing in the first semester Engineering dynamics Thermodynamics and Control, and int he second semester engineering mechanics, Heat transfer+ fluid flow, and Electrical power and machines.
So all the fun subjects. I passed all the project work and other modules last year so only these to concentrate on.
I know it's hard, but now ask yourself?
Hop over your shadow, make the effort, or don't even try, be determined to fail to get to know people, be miserable and probably quit uni?
I think it's not hard to answer this question. So if you know already what's gotta be done...
oh yeah you're right....
but if it was as simple as "get up and make the effort", he wouldn't be asking. He was saying he doesn't know what to say when he DOES make the effort.. then it makes him feel like shit afterwards (and obviously less motivated to try next time)!
I think you gave the nail a good headache there.
I mean If I know Im going to be talking to some stranger then I generally attempt to prepare what im going to say. Of course this isnt fool proof because there are always questions that can come up which I havent accounted for. Things start to get messy when I hit a conversation blind, even if it is with someone I half know it just kind of ends in an awkward silence (or at lest awkward for me I have no idea what the other persons thinking) which leaves me thinking that should have been me talking there, which of course it wasn't because I cant think of anything.