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Friend disappointments
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Would you get your knickers in a twist or be disappointed if your three closest friends let you down a little with regards to a birthday?
By letdown i mean one forgot completely and the other two remembered but bought sod all, even a card.
I haven't said anything to them but a drinking aquintance (who did buy a present) said that they would be shocked and hurt if their friends didn't bother. Now i'm not too fussed as one of them does it every year (she has even been known to say "birthday cards are over rated tat") but the fact that all three of them managed to do it sort of got me a bit wound up on my birthday and i ended up sat in the pub with "drinking" buddies and not my close mates.
I feel in a way i'm overeacting but it's really made me sit there and examine what i call my "best mates".
By letdown i mean one forgot completely and the other two remembered but bought sod all, even a card.
I haven't said anything to them but a drinking aquintance (who did buy a present) said that they would be shocked and hurt if their friends didn't bother. Now i'm not too fussed as one of them does it every year (she has even been known to say "birthday cards are over rated tat") but the fact that all three of them managed to do it sort of got me a bit wound up on my birthday and i ended up sat in the pub with "drinking" buddies and not my close mates.
I feel in a way i'm overeacting but it's really made me sit there and examine what i call my "best mates".
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Comments
Another thing, a LOT of people don't really seem to give a fig for birthdays and other such occasions; I have many friends who don't give gifts or cards and barely aknowledge birthdays... they might come out and celebrate, but they don't feel obligated to do because it's a birthday, if you see what I mean. The important thing to look at is whether they would be happy for you to treat their birth day in the same way -- if they have a generic nonchalance about their own birthday along with other people's then you probably just have to accept that they didn't think it'd be a big deal as that's the way they see all birthdays. If, on the other hand, they expect you to come out and make an effort and a fuss on their birthday... well then I'd be very pissed off.
One of my closest friends and I fell out because she completely ignored my 18th. She didn't come out to celebrate, or to the party, or send a card or anything at all. I was very hurt, and took my hurt out on her by ignoring her - by which she was completely bewildered. We eventually talked about it and I found out that she just doesn't hold birthdays in high regard at all, and she didn't think it would effect my feelings about our friendship. To be honest, I realised after that that I was the one being silly - she has been one of my best friends for years and years, and always treated me really well, been there for me and we get on fabulously. The fact that she didn't aknowledge my birthday was an issue of my making, I guess it's just that some people attach more value to occasions than others. There's nowt wrong with being either way inclined, but I think you need to look at whether they treat you well and as you deserve generally rather than just focusing on this birthday thing. If it's the straw that's breaking the camel's back in terms of your friendships, so to speak, then it's a totally different issue and you might need to take another look at how great these relationships actually are.
If one friend has made it clear that she doesn't do birthday presents, then you will have to accept that. Don't get her anything. If presents are that important perhaps she isn't that good a friend anymore.
As scrotey says, if they stood you up on your birthday night out or a big party then that's different. I can understand why you're upset about it, but objectively I think you are over-reacting a bit.
Mines not easy to forget, but people can rarely be bothered to come and do anything as its just after xmas. And i can never think of anything to do.
This year I'm going to take the weekend after off (Wednesday birthdays suck
I love my friends, even if I can't recall exactly when most of their birthdays are. The two I keep forgetting (incidentally two of my closest) helped me a lot by hyping up the date and reminding me time and again.
ETA: I agree with your friend about birthday cards. Most useless things ever. :P Unless there's some very personal heartwarming message inside but that happens only 0,1% of the time.
Then one of my friends had a go at me for not going to a party with her and I've since stopped speaking to her for a whole host of other reasons that emerged as well...
Possibly, but I think as other posters have mentioned - it's often a lot more complex than that.
I know some of my best mates are always there whenever I need them. If im feeling down or need someone to talk with. I would rather they were there on these occasions that just on my birthday.
:thumb:
It's only a birthday, after all.
does it bother me? I suppose not, I think ive come to accept the fact that no-one knows.