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Engagement
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
What do you guys think about getting engaged to be married or getting engaged just to be engaged?
The way i see it is if you get engaged to be engaged, how do you know when you should start to plan your wedding, do you have to ask again? So in a way you could have two proposals, one to get engaged and one to get married!
What are the good things about having a long engagement as opposed to just being in a relationship for a bit longer and then getting married?
The way i see it is if you get engaged to be engaged, how do you know when you should start to plan your wedding, do you have to ask again? So in a way you could have two proposals, one to get engaged and one to get married!
What are the good things about having a long engagement as opposed to just being in a relationship for a bit longer and then getting married?
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Being engaged is just a sign that you mean it serious with a person. It's like a second and more crafty "I love you".
You usually just ask once, to be engaged and then you just ask the SO when to plan, where to plan etc, but don't ask the question IF a second time.
But I sometimes think long engagements do give you that extra bit of commitment from the other person. I know a few of my uni friends when we were going away on placements and their partners were stopping around Manchester, got engaged as a way to show their commitment to each other whilst they were apart.
You don't get down on one knee again, you just start discussing when to get married.
I personally would rather a quick engagement-wedding succession (shotgun!) than a huge waiting and planning period. But a lot of that is to do with the fact that in the extremely, extremely unlikely event of my ever getting married it won't be a gigantic event. Vegas, baby! :thumb:
:yes: The girl speaks sense (as usual!) It really annoys me when some people implicate that because they're engaged they're so much more committed than those of us that aren't. God, me and my boyfriend spent 3 years long distance (one of which when I was in Germany), we live together now, we're hoping to get a proper place together in the next year or so. If a joint mortgage ain't commitment, I don't know what is!
Saying that, I really want to propose to him next leap year, as despite everything I am kinda drawn to the idea of demonstrating our commitment in front of friends and family, having a ring to show it, being a 'Mrs'. Also in 2008, I think we'd be in a position to afford it and make a date. Although I'd never pressurise him if he wasn't keen. As I said, I know he's commited already, don't need a ring to tell me that.
:yes:
You're so right. People always ask me if I'm engaged to my other half, and when I say no, they'll say something like 'oh, well I'm sure Mr Right will come along at some point' and then go on to tell me how they've been with their chap for nearly a whole year and they're engaged omg. Brilliant. Well I guess you won the commitment race :thumb:
When (if) I get the question popped, the first question I'm going to pop is 'when?'. Nothing annoys me more than people who just get engaged to say they are, and to fanny about with a sparkler on their left hand. Just cause you aren't engaged doesn't mean you aren't together and you aren't serious.
My friend got 'engaged' a few months ago and said they wanted a long engagement. Only she got bored and found someone else (again) and finished with him yesterday :rolleyes: Despite that he's actually living with her cause he got kicked out of his home. But thats more to do with being too young than a long engagement.
Absolutely, I wouldn't want to get engaged if I didn't have a vague idea of when the wedding would be... I feel it would be a little pointless if there wasn't a wedding to follow the engagement as that's the point of getting engaged, surely?
Also, what Meryn said about mortgages etc, I agree with that too. Along the same lines, one of my friends brothers has just had a baby with his girlfriend and they have a house together, but says that they won't get married, as it's 'too much commitment'.
However i'm also mildly wary of people bully their other halves into being engaged and then arrange a wedding at lightening speed as that also seems to be a way of papering over the cracks in a relationship.
Do people even get engaged to be engaged after the age of 18???
Although i would definately not rush into an engagement. I would only say yes if it was really serious and could see myself marrying then and would want to marry them even if t isnt straight away. But Im only young and im sure when i actually get engaged ill want a big white wedding right away lol!
I don't see the point in engagement unless you are set on marriage. It isn't that big a commitment anymore. I know of plenty people who are in bigger commitments by getting joint mortgages etc. *That* is the commitment, not a sparkly thing on your finger.
I wouldn't really want to get engaged on the spur of the moment though, I would actually have to really want to spend the rest of my life with her and be sure of it. Not like first time when I was 17 and silly.
I do like all the tradition though, I'd always ask her dad for permission and get down on one knee and stuff, love all the old fashioned stuff
I agree with this it was certainly far scarier buying our house than it was getting married.
Also I kind of have strong views on things like asking the parents how much you spend on a ring and how long it takes someone to say yes - which are all indicators of how committed people are to each other.
Having said my group of friends are all only just getting married so there have been no divorces yet so who knows what the future will bring.
Fucking idiots.
That's just as barmy. Similarly, my boyfriend's brother's fiancee said a few weeks ago in the pub, 'I don't think we're ready for marriage yet, are we Rob?' :eek2: They've been together 4 years, engaged for about 3, have a house, want kids in the not too distant future etc. If they can't handle the commitment, what are they doing living together? Marriage is only a bit of paper after all, it won't actually change anything about their daily lives.
I don't think theres anything wrong with getting engaged and 'seeing what happens' though.
Agreed.
Somehow, last year I had 2 people ask me to marry them and and we weren't even together...:eek:
Maybe the length of engagement reflects the length of time you have been together. I mean, if you are together 6 months and get engaged I suppose it makes sense to be engaged for a long time. But if you are together 5 years or whatever a quicker marriage makes sense too.
But I do have a (newly met) friend, who is engaged, with no actual plans for a wedding. She's been with her fella since she was 14, and in January, he proposed, with the intention of planning a wedding when he gets back from Uni (which he left for last weekend I think). They have nothing set, and wont do for 2 more years yet, but are engaged to show they are going to be married.
Alot of other girls in our class think of it as "oh she's just engaged to try and look cool" though.
I wouldn't have said it made sense to get engaged after 6 months at all!
*awaits the rush of 'my parents got engaged 10 seconds after they met and they've been married 150 years' stories*
Same here
it does. if the husband dies in a car accident, the unmarried partner doesn't inherit anything...
maybe a bit far-feched, but just so you know.
i wanted to wait till i finished uni to get married, now i`ve finshed uni and we have some mega savin to do, so by the time i get married, we`ll probably have been engaged about 4/5 yrs
we`re happy, so i dont see why it should bother any1 else that we`re having a long engagement