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Should i 'dump' my friend?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hey, im new here:wave: anyway...

Basically, I'm getting a bit fed up with one of my friends. We've been friends now for about I dunno, just over 2 years, and we've always been pretty close despite being fairly far away from each other. But recently over the last couple of months she's gone all distant on me. She's only been online a couple of times, and whenever I text her i get about 2 replies, 3 if I'm lucky, and that's it. I know that there could be a reason for why she's gone all distant as i think she's moving house sometime soon, but at the same time I know that friendships can just drift apart.

Also i guess i should mention that im getting slightly cheesed of about the friendship as well. As before it got all distant, 9 times out of 10 it was me who had to start conversations and i think the last time she texted me without me doing so first was about 6 months ago, and i just feel that its drifting apart and with the way things are atm, i can't see it getting better anytime soon and cant make my mind up about whether i should end the friendship or not.

It's not just her that's getting to me though, a fair amount of the time I find myself making a continuous effort to talk to my friends and trying to go places, only for them to take, take, take and hardly ever ask me if I'd like to go just anywhere in generall, and its getting on my nerves about how i just seem to be taken advantage of all the time:impissed:

Anyway i guess im just looking for some advice about the whole thing and would appreciate any comments about it.

Thanks

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How do you know this girl in the first place?

    Maybe she's going through a tough time at home and needs space, maybe she doesn't really see you as that good a friend.

    You're looking at this the wrong way, you can't really expect someone to be good friends with you and them living so far away that your only means of contact is texting and msn. Try and not take the friendship that seriously in the first place then just text her now and again to catch up and stuff like that.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I wouldn't make a conscious effort to "end the friendship". But equally, friendships are supposed to be fun, otherwise what's the point? Don't feel as if you're somehow obliged to talk to someone all the time. If you're not enjoying talking to her then don't do it, but if she speaks to you, be as friendly as ever. I've spent ages away from friends after uni (six months to a year in one case) without speaking, and when we've got together, it's been as great as always. With others, I've spoke every month or so, but only because we've both wanted to, and made the effort. I personally only make the effort with people who make the effort back, but that's not to say I ignore the people who don't.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You don't need to officially "dump" her. Just stop calling/texting/thinking about her. Either you lose contact, that happens in times like these, or one day she will be contacting you again and maybe explain you the being distant thing too.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She's a cousin of one of my friends.

    At one point we tried to make a LDR out of it, but it didn't work out, but we've been fairly close ever since really. But yeah she could just want some space, cause i think that there are one or two other things she hasn't told me about which is getting to her so that could explain it as well.

    Also, its not so much as i dont enjoy talking to her, cause I do, it's more that it's just so rare these days to here anything from her and it just get's to me sometimes. Although most of the time I try to not let it bother me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Am I wrong to I presume you still have feelings for her?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote:
    Am I wrong to I presume you still have feelings for her?
    Was gonna ask the same question.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes, it ended over a year and half ago and stopped having feelings for her a couple of months after the breakup. I care about her yes, like i do for any of my close friends, but i dont have feelings for her.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It is always a bit shit when you talk to people less than you used to, especially when you care about them and stuff, but sometimes you've just to think "Ahhh well"and concentrate on spending your time with your other friends.

    You're right not to let it bother you, but it might be good just to keep a bit of distance for a couple of weeks. It'll give you time to concentrate on seeing your other mates, and she might think "Oh I haven't spoken to Ryan for a bit" and she'll maybe send you a text or something.

    It's always good to stay on good terms with people though, so I wouldn't end the friendship at all, unless you feel really strongly and you think she's taking over your thoughts a bit too much, y'know?

    Hope it works out anyway mate.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ryan1511 wrote:
    Yes, it ended over a year and half ago and stopped having feelings for her a couple of months after the breakup. I care about her yes, like i do for any of my close friends, but i dont have feelings for her.

    Well, if she does not appreciate it, just let it rest. Don't make any accusations or "playing the hurt one" with, 'ok, I won't contact you anymore, since you don't seem to care anyway."-drama...

    Let it be, if she values you as a person she will contact you some day.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok yeah i can see where you're coming from. I'll just let it rest and hope for the best i guess. In any case i wouldn't have any intention of "playing the hurt one", dont particularly agree with emotional blackmail tbh.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know this is about a previous r/ship friendship, but my story.

    I was best friends with this girl in year 8, and when we went to diff colleges, for 3rd form we were still friends, but in 4th form, it was always me calling, and stuff.. until i didnt bother anymore. She got her friends at her school, I got mine. Even when we see eachother now its awkward. Kinda sucks in a way, but things happen.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, i know these things just happen sometimes. It happened with another friend a few years ago but that didn't really bother me. Just that this person is (usually) a really good friend and was just in two minds about what to do. But deicded what I'm doing now so yeah...
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