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failure

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
i feel like a failure because i cant cum from sex

ive never cum by a boyfriend doing it. Only by myself and its really difficult

i wish i could cum for my boyfriend, i feel like im letting him down, like i am failing him.

it doesnt matter to me as long as i am pleasing him but i know he wants me to cum but i just cant. even when he does it exactly as i would do it it wont work. it just doesnt feel good and i dont understand

any tips?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i cant even cum when i masturbate. and ive been masturbating since i was 12. and i do those pelvis floor muscle exercises. and i get amazing oral. i get exremely extremely wet but is girl cum like a big gushing fountain like you see in porn? it gets me down too my little swerhs.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i cant even cum when i masturbate. and ive been masturbating since i was 12. and i do those pelvis floor muscle exercises. and i get amazing oral. i get exremely extremely wet but is girl cum like a big gushing fountain like you see in porn? it gets me down too my little swerhs.

    That's female ejaculation, female cum isn't like that.

    And as for not coming during sex, if you can come by yourself then i don't see why there is a problem.

    Do you not (sorry to be graphic) rub your clit like you would when masturbating whilst having sex with your boyfriend?

    Not many can come from vaginal sex alone.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah the clit gets a lot of action as well lol! i duno i cant even do it when i masturbate,,i really enjoy sex and foreplay but can never cum or orgasm.. i think theres something wrong with me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah the clit gets a lot of action as well lol! i duno i cant even do it when i masturbate,,i really enjoy sex and foreplay but can never cum or orgasm.. i think theres something wrong with me.

    Keep trying, don't think there is something wrong with you or you will never get there !! One day it'l happen :) keep experimenting.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    meh i try but i get horny all the time im quite sexually experienced and i try a lot of different things, i know what i want and i know how to please other people etc.. i suppose sometimes it takes ages for people to reach that bigO but if i cant even orgasm while masturbating then it really worries me a bit..but thanks for your advice in any case!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    meh i try but i get horny all the time im quite sexually experienced and i try a lot of different things, i know what i want and i know how to please other people etc.. i suppose sometimes it takes ages for people to reach that bigO but if i cant even orgasm while masturbating then it really worries me a bit..but thanks for your advice in any case!

    Have you tried like a vibrator or anything? Might make it a little more easier.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well yea ive thought about it but i had a few qualms about going to buy a vibrator JUST to see if it would make me cum/orgasm then if it doesnt work then ive wasted money i dont have; and if it does work then itl be the only thing that does and then my sex life will be entirely dependent on a machine to make me orgasm and nothing else will ever do the trick. used to use a sort of nail-buffer thing, was the right shape but the vibration wasnt too strong.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah, lucky me got a really pronounced pelvic bone so it rubs the clit while thrusting. Try to take care of that yourself during the act.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    About 70% of women will never achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration alone. That's because mother nature kindly placed all the sensitive nerve endings outside the vagina, not inside it.

    Scarlet, how do you feel when you masturbate? I was reading in an article that about 60% of the women in a test did not think they achieved orgasm, but when they were wired up to a monitor it was shown that they did show all the signs of an orgasm. The problem was that they expected there to be this huge gushing shudder, like they see in the movies, when the reality is much more serene. If you feel like it gets nice and then your body relaxes then you may well have achieved orgasm, you just don't realise it, because you expect it to be more.

    Not very many women have the huge screaming fits of an orgasm that you see in films. For many its just a small peak and then a feeling of relaxation.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    you just don't realise it, because you expect it to be more.

    Really? i couldn't imagine being able to not know you had one. Perhaps i am just one of the lucky ones. *shrugs*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's apparently quite common- according to Glamour anyway:D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well what a huge disappointment then, if theyre so insignificant that i don't even notice one.. theyre supposed to be one of the greatest things about being a woman for gods sake grrrr. i thought you'd always notice one. when ive recieved oral then i probably have had one, very wet and shuddery and it felt quite nice. but when i masturbate, its just.. nothing.. i just go all dry and nothing i do actually works- i just dont do it for myself!;) its just i thought id experience an orgasm as ive been masturbating since i was yay-high and doing those pelvic floor-muscle exercises which tighten your 'orgasm muscles' and increase your chance of orgasm since i was about 12.
    feel actually quite upset with disappointment right now!
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Kermit wrote:

    Not very many women have the huge screaming fits of an orgasm that you see in films. For many its just a small peak and then a feeling of relaxation.

    :yes: Kermit's right - porn is generally not a realistic reflection of what most people's sexual experiences are like. It sounds like you might benefit from reading our article on real life sex :) But I wouldn't say orgasms are insignificant - they can just vary quite dramatically each time for a number of reasons including sexual arousal, stress, whether you're with a partner or alone, whether you're in a rush etc etc.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hahaha thanks a lot that article was very funny and amusing.. and well, true.
    ok positive thinking i WILL get my orgasm!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Scarlet, I have exactly the same problem so just to let you know you're not the only one! I've been sexually active for about 7 years and I've got a great boyfriend so it's just depressing really :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My ex girlfriend had never orgasmed in her life, even though she'd been masturbating since before she was 10, and we were together for 2 years, and :rolleyes: she met up with other guys who were no better.

    *hugs* to all those who've not yet reached the golden plateau!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    but what if we never EVER?? its too depressing to think about..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sex isn't all about the big o you know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well i know that but come on its one of the best things about being a woman, and i cant believe most others get that huge unbelieveable feeling and mines just like 'mm. this is quite nice.'
    i wanted the earth to move, i wanted to faint with pleasure, i wanted to be scraped off the ceiling!
    ( ha mind you reading that back maybe my expectations ARE too high!)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Really glad theres other out there with the same problem. I've had great boyfriends but when it comes to trying to get me to climax but I just can't get there without doing it myself. I get turned on and really wet but can't reach it...always feel a bit self aware during so maybe thats my problem..

    Shame really :crying:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    milk wrote:
    Really glad theres other out there with the same problem. I've had great boyfriends but when it comes to trying to get me to climax but I just can't get there without doing it myself. I get turned on and really wet but can't reach it...always feel a bit self aware during so maybe thats my problem..

    Shame really :crying:

    Yes but at least you CAN do it yourself! I think I've accepted a life without orgasms already.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    erm not to rub it in to anyone but i finally got one and cum everywhere!:crazyeyes :shocking: so there is hope!(new fuckbuddy obviously helped)
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Hi there,
    It sounds like a few of you have problems reaching orgasm, even when masturbating, which must be frustrating. The Net Doctor website has a comprehensive article on masturbation which includes a section: What's the best way for a woman to have an orgasm (just scroll down the page a bit) - which you may find helpful.

    Also, please be reassured that you are far from being alone in this situation. Many young women worry about not being able to reach orgasm - but that's not to say for a second that they never will. Have a look at these Q&As from the same website:

    I can't come

    Why can't I orgasm

    Hope this helps :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    erm not to rub it in to anyone but i finally got one and cum everywhere!:crazyeyes :shocking: so there is hope!(new fuckbuddy obviously helped)

    That wasn't a too nice image after having my dinner :p

    I wish when i read things i don't get little mental images they aren't the best of things at times, anyone else the same?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ha yeah sorry it was a bit graphic, just wanted to point out really how gutted i was that id never has one then suddenly BAM i do!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/orgasmtrouble.htm

    thought maybe this would be useful has lots of information and the female orgasm and what we need to achieve it!!! all guys n gals out there worrying get onto this site!!! takes a while to load so give it a chance:thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i have orgasmed but only ever when ive been on top and even then its like a quite small one its farely faint but still enough to be quite pleasurable and only lasts like a second or so i have to admit that i have been quite disapointed about sex i always imagined it as a massive gush lots of screaming and having to bite my partners neck to control myself but hey we cant all have everything:D aparently it does take a while to develop properly tho.
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