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:yes:
Compromise
How is it in a womans best interests to be dominated by a man?
My parents marriage was dominated by my dad, now its fallen apart and my mum won't stand up for herself. And my dad is also taking all the money and the house with him.
I don't think that was in her best interests at all.
i still dont see why you think theres this rule that states to have a good relationship the man needs to be dominant, even if its in an 'attractive' manner. What happened to 50/50 relationships.
That makes sense!
Agreed. I think that relationships should be about being equal and compromise; not one being dominant all the time.
the examples you gave were first impressions, and a relationship based on that will not last. It's only the start.
If you say so, I didn't say that.
But let's see if I can explain in a way that you will understand.
In that example who really is the dominant partner. Is it the man who takes the "dominant" role in bed, or is it the woman who wants the man to take the domainant role only for her man to fulfill her desires. If he is doing what she wants then surely it is her?
If they both want sex in that way then neither is dominant.
If only one partner wants it then at worst you are actually talking about assault.
I didn't, I asked a question. You seem not to understand the difference.
If both partners are confident and secure in themselves, and know what they want in the relationship, then there is no dominance. I get my way sometimes, she gets her way sometimes.
I agree that confidence and security are important features in a relationship, but gender dynamics don't come into that.
If I'm confident and secure, and she's confident and secure, then we're equals. The whole point is that I am not dominant, and she is not dominant.
Why then does dominance come into it? Dominance is about forcing your will onto somebody else for the majority of the time, because if you get a 50/50 split neither partner is dominant and neither partner is submissive.
You seem to be confusing dominance and confidence. I am confident in what I say and think and act, but I am not bossy or controlling, so that does not make me dominant.
You also still seem to think that women love a bastard, when most women don't. A man that will stand up for the things he believes in, yes, but not someone who rides roughshod over their dreams and desires.
But what about if he only behaves like that because his wife wants him to? What about if what he'd really prefer is for her to bend him over and spank him?
Thank you for proviing my point earlier, you don't get it.
*whoosh*
Don't get it, do you?
Except he isn't because he's doing what she wants.
I'd argue that you only have to "prove yourself" if you are insecure.
And you really shouldn't make generalisations like that because you cannot speak for us all.
You're saying a man is dominant if he is dominant in bed, and I've shown how naive and blinkered that view is.
Where has anyone said that?
Hang on, it's you who argued that a man has to be dominant. We are proving that you are wrong, that actually both partners have to be equal and the examples you are giving us just makes our point for us.
Yes, to an extent.
The drive to win is about having to be "better". Makes no difference to me, personally, because I don't actually care. I like who I am and beating you, or losing to you, in some game/fight doesn't actually matter to me.
When has either of us said that?
No I'm not. It was you that raise dominance in bed FFS. What I am pointing out is that you have a fallacy of what it takes to build a relationship. You seem to think that you are being dominanant when in fact you aren't. I suspect that you like this feeling because it makes you feel powerful, when in reality i t masks insecurity.
... and there is an example of that. there is no trap, there is no competition here, there is no winner and loser. Just a debate. In the end we'll either agree that one of us is right, or agree to disagree. Either way we are the same people as before, maybe just a little more enlightened.
The idea of a debate like this isn't to "win", it's to test why you believe what you do. That is the only reason for any of my questions and hence the reason that you will have seen this I ask you "why" so often
Just because they don't realise that is why they do it, doesn't mean that it isn;t why.
It's about wanting to be No 1. If you are secure in yourself then you have reason to prove anything to anyone else. So no reason to fight, or want to win.
Playing football wasn;t really a good example TBH. Many people play because they enjoy the game. Winning is just a side issue.
*sighs*
And therefore you are not being dominant because she wants it too. You are fulfilling her needs which just happen to coincide with yours - therefore it is an equal partnership and therefore dominance does not exist and your whole "men should be dominant because women like thatt" argument falls apart.
If they like it, then it is their wish, therefore you are doing what they want and therefore you are not actually dominanting them.
Because it is a generalisation and not actually true. Some men like to feel as if they are dominant some of the time, others don't every like to feel like that ever.
At no point are they actually dominating, unless they are raping her.
But why is there a challenge there, if you want to be better then it is because you are not happy with now. Therefore you are not secure with the "now" - is my point.
You still don't say what you consider being dominant to be. You say men should be dominant in order to be attractive, but you really aren't explaining what you mean by either. It's not a trick question, I'm trying to understand where you are coming from.
I consider being dominant to be domineering, to be the boss. What you say, goes. That is what I consider to be dominant, and I suspect that is what MoK considers it to be too. Enjoying pinning your girlfriend down during sex is not domineering if that is what you both want; letting your girlfriend pin you down and spank you during sex does not make you a "beta" if that is what you both want. You are both using sex to fulfil your desires, and so you are enjoying sex as equals.
I pick you up on your example of domination during sex to show that if you always put your girlfriend's desires above your own then you are being submissive. If you play the dominant man in bed for her when you don't want to you are submitting to what she wants ahead of what you want. By being "dominant" you are, in fact, being submissive.
I have a feeling you get confused between acting with confidence and security, and acting with dominance. I have a feeling that you are scared to be too "weak" because you honestly believe that girls only love a bastard, when nothing could be further from the truth. Compromise is a good thing in a relationship, it doesn't make you "wussy". Do something you hate for them and they will do something they hate for you.
Being confident and secure is having the confidence and security to say yes, no and sorry.
I think quite a lot of women do find confidence and dominance attractive... but that could be in any form. For example a guy who dominates over other guys is often seen as attractive, you know like taking a weird example but you always see the dominant male ape's banging the most chicks, know what I mean?
But then lots of women find intelligence, geekiness, combinations of things attractive, so in essence as long as people are true to themselves they should find someone to be with.
Also, I think it's quite easy to tell in life who is trying to falsely act "confident" or "dominant" in a crowd or to an individual.. I always see blokes acting up and I just think wow man you're a complete arsehole, and most of the girls do too..
:banghead:
... and because she wants you to act like that doesn't mean that you are being the dominant partner in the relationship, It means that at that moment she wants you to take charge. Becuase it is also her wish you are, in fect, acting in an equal status. you know damned well that when she says "enough, now it;s my turn" that you will stop being "dominant" and will become subservient.
Either that, or you are assaulting her.
.. and by definition are therefore not secure at the moment with your skills because you think that you can improve. more to the point, it matters to you, that youthink you could improve.
Oh dear, you really have no idea, do you?
I don't suppose that it could be that she is shit scared to walk away? Or the fact that she accepts this because he gives her someone else in the relatiohsip (the compromise part we talked about). Why on earth do you seem to think that she might stay because she "likes" being beaten?
Yeah, it's called fear. That poor woman has been so beaten, physically and emotionally, she truly believs she can't leave. Something worse than what she's getting will happen to her, she won't be able to start any form of a new life away from him, she'll have nowhere to go, no money, no friends. People/friends/family won't believe what she says about her partner. Like any abuser, they live off the fear of their victim which in it's turn gives them power. Like MoK says she doesn't enjoy being beaten, that poor woman is shit scared of the psychotic cunt. I wish i lived nearer coz i'd show that shit what a fagg*t can do !