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shite
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I used to kind of see a girl casually a few years back. We used to meet up when we were out and stuff. Nothing more than. Anyway we both went off to uni (same place - edinburgh) but we never met up there or anything as she got a steady longterm boyfriend and stuff.
Saw her out a while back when we were in my hometown. I was drunk and asking her cheekily if she was still with her fella. She said she wasn't, so being cocky I asked for her number, and said I'd look her up when we were back in edinburgh and we could go for a drink. She gave me her number and seemed well up for it.
So anyway, I was back in edinburgh for a weekend there. I went to visit my mates in their new flat. These guys are like my best friends and I hang around with them all the time. Heard they'd started hanging around with this new fella who was really sound and good craic etc. So i was going to get to meet a new member of the crowd. Met him and he was sound, and he had heard where I was from. So he asks me "Do you know (the girl's name)?" I said yea and he was like "Yea, she's my ex-girlfriend". I thought shit at his point, and then to make things worse the boys later told me he was wanting to get back with her, but she wasn't up for it.
Now I've got no connections with this fella until now, and it seems like he's going to become a regular fixture at least in the lives of my friends, which will mean me as well. But I also like this girl, but would feel bad doing things with her, while hanging around with him at the same time. Fuck sake, what a load of balls. Any advice?
Saw her out a while back when we were in my hometown. I was drunk and asking her cheekily if she was still with her fella. She said she wasn't, so being cocky I asked for her number, and said I'd look her up when we were back in edinburgh and we could go for a drink. She gave me her number and seemed well up for it.
So anyway, I was back in edinburgh for a weekend there. I went to visit my mates in their new flat. These guys are like my best friends and I hang around with them all the time. Heard they'd started hanging around with this new fella who was really sound and good craic etc. So i was going to get to meet a new member of the crowd. Met him and he was sound, and he had heard where I was from. So he asks me "Do you know (the girl's name)?" I said yea and he was like "Yea, she's my ex-girlfriend". I thought shit at his point, and then to make things worse the boys later told me he was wanting to get back with her, but she wasn't up for it.
Now I've got no connections with this fella until now, and it seems like he's going to become a regular fixture at least in the lives of my friends, which will mean me as well. But I also like this girl, but would feel bad doing things with her, while hanging around with him at the same time. Fuck sake, what a load of balls. Any advice?
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Comments
Seems like a bit of a nightmare alright, fucked if I know what to do. :crazyeyes
To be honest if she wants to get back with him then she should tell you and that'd be the end of it anyway.
What?
She doesn't want to get back with him, he wants to get back with her.
She's interested in me, and I'm interested in her.
But suddenly this guy (who's her ex) has moved into my close social circle and is very good friends with some of my friends.
If it was anyother random guy, of course it wouldn't stop me, it's only because he's now part of my friend group. Therefore not so random.
That takes precedence.
I like her alot and think she's a sexy bitch.
But I'd feel bad meeting her, then hanging round with my mates and her ex there. Being all friendly with him while thinking "I'm seeing your ex." It's all made worse because I know he's been wanting to get back with her.
Tell him you have known her a long time, and say that you have been seeing her for a couple of weeks and was hoping to make a go of things before meeting him.
Explain that you don't want to hurt hus feeling etc and that you can still be friends.
Might be the only way to go about it if you want to be with this girl. He might accept it and move on.
Well I haven't been seeing her for a couple of weeks, it's only in the pipeline.
I think it would make things very weird if he knew I was seeing her, even if I said we can still be friends etc.
It's just annoying because up until now I had nothing to do with this guy, and suddenly he's just there. Can't choose your friends' friends eh?
I dunno, maybe it's best avoiding hassle, and stay way from her, but it's going to wreck my head.
I don't know these things though!
I'm not the type of person who goes into something thinking 'yea, she could be girlfriend material'. I just go with the flow and see what happens. Meeting her for a drink could lead down many different avenues, but I don't think it out in my head beforehand.
If he's been someone's man, he's always their man is the case with most girls!!
you cant pussyfoot around after other people all the time. You met her first before you met him. You probably should have explained the situation to him straight away.
What was I going to say?
"Yea, I met your ex out one night and have got her number and I'm planning to meet her for a drink."
That's hardly a good thing to say the first time I've met him.
The trouble is I've only met this guy once. I don't even know him or know how he'll react. It's hard to sit down with someone you don't even know, and be straight with them like that. Especially when it's something like this.
You could always see her without telling him!
They know about it. They think it's amusing. They're thinking she dosn't wanna get back with him because of me, but I don't think that's the case at all. She just doesn't wanna get back with him. Some of them think I should just go for it, but they're all very rash in their decisions. I'm more measured. They wouldn't turn their backs on me if I did go for it like. They know I haven't really got any connections to this new guy.
Worry about the fallout when - and if - the shit actually hits the fan. Don't let the bad reaction you predict he's going to have get in the way of getting your kicks, having a laugh with a girl you really like and potentially developing a relationship with her. It sounds selfish, but life's too short to worry about some kind of perceived wrongdoing to people you don't even really know from Adam.
If he's a together kinda guy then he may well be hurt but he won't try and exert his ex-boyfriend status and stop you from seeing her, or break anything up. He's an adult, she's an adult, you're an adult - people get hurt feelings and bruised egos and they deal with it.
Have you spoken to her about the fact that you're starting to socialise with her ex? She may well have an opinion on it. She may well have a word in his earhole herself.
No, because I haven't really contacted her about going for a drink yet.
As it stands, the possibility is there. I'd probably speak to her about it, should we ever meet up. But I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.
Yea, but I don't like being a cunt. Considering I'll probably be partying with this guy and heading round to his flat and stuff (we like house parties). It just seems a bit harsh to completely ignore the fact he's her ex and go for it.
You dont need to be a cunt, just dont doing anything sleasy and make a point of not meeting her behind his back, but at the same time dont make a big deal by sitting down talking about it, it will only make things awkard.
Just let him know that you and her are going out for a drink. then see how it goes from there
Thing is, I'm of the opinion that you should give yourself the opportunity, but being aware it will probably make things awkward for a while with your group of friends. Sometimes awkwardness is worth it, sometimes not. But you can only judge that if you know better where you stand in respect to this girl, and a first date should usually give you an idea.
Anyway, good luck.
:yes:
Also, seems the problem is in your head, mate.
Sort it out and ask her out! :thumb:
Firstly, it's pointless angsting unless you know if this girl is actually interested in going out with you - no point making a big speech to the guy about feeling divided if it turns out she just wants to be friends, in which case you should be able to be friends with both of them provided you make sure there isn't drama if you invite them to the same party or somesuch.
If she is interested... well, are you going to ditch a girl you really liked & have liked for a long time for some guy who you've just met & only really know through your friends? Even if he does get pissed off - so what? Your friends have known you for longer, so surely they'd see your side.
Secondly, I don't know what makes you so sure that things will work out between you? I mean, it did not sound as if she was NOT interested, but not that she was expecting much either.
If she is not going back to him then it's a plus for you, since you don't have to 'fight' for her with another bloke.
If you think your homeys will think bad of you, because you try to get together with a girl on the free market then YOU have to decide: Are they worth it? True friends wouldn't do that. you might talk to your best friend out of the crowd with it under 4 eyes if you have his blesses....
If your mates are saying go for it I'd go for it. Nothing might happen, in which case you wouldn't have a problem anyway, but if something special does happen, are you really gonna see this bloke after next year? A year of the cold shoulder from someone you barely know isn't such a big deal really, and if he tried to be the hard man I'm sure you'd be able to deal with it.