If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
anyone afraid of being alone?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
was jus wondering if anyone's totally comfortable being alone most of the time? i'm going bak to uni and i know i'll be completelty alone after a lot of shitty things that have happened to me (read previous posts for more details if u guys want to!...) and i'm dreading it.
but i think i should jus accept the fact that things'll go down for a bit n jus concetrate on having fun on my own.....
i know i should jus go out there n make new freinds n stuff, but i've always found it so difficult! i'm an international student and a lot of people don't get why i don't drink a lot, sleep around n stuff....and in a culture where people tend to think u're wierd if u dont like getting sloshed (i've experiencedthat one)...and where u're sense of humour kinda differs from theirs it's difficult to find friends to hang with....
but i think i should jus accept the fact that things'll go down for a bit n jus concetrate on having fun on my own.....
i know i should jus go out there n make new freinds n stuff, but i've always found it so difficult! i'm an international student and a lot of people don't get why i don't drink a lot, sleep around n stuff....and in a culture where people tend to think u're wierd if u dont like getting sloshed (i've experiencedthat one)...and where u're sense of humour kinda differs from theirs it's difficult to find friends to hang with....
0
Comments
I spend most of my time alone, although thats mainly due to staying at home while my parents are at work. I go to Uni but I live at home and so dont have many friends and like you I am different from what is widely considered the norm for persons of my position ie exactly like you I dont drink, sleep around and I also have a slightly odd sense of humour.
Rereading your original post Im not sure exactly what your looking for but if it makes you feel any better there are others like you out there (or failing that at lest one other).
the main thing is for you to make the effort and you'll get something out of it. also don't presume what people are going to be like or what they will enjoy. they might surprise you.
forums
i actually made real life friends from the internet, and a lot of "net friends" msn is my saviour and without it i think i'd have lost the plot.
You cant simply go out and make new friends its not that easy, you will fall into a friendship if appropriate, so keep your head up when your around people look approachable.
But other than that, spam away :thumb:
and thats just from a game, imagine if you actually ventured into forums and chat rooms.
The stigma of meeting people on the net is null and void now. Maybe its just me but i dont feel at risk to predatory rapists or axe murderers (maybe thats cos i live in cornwall too) but i think you can tell if someone is nice and genuine if you chat to them for long enough about each other's lifestyles and interests. If you share them - cool. And with profiles like myspace and faceparty now you are leaving your idenitity completely open.
My social life is gleaming just because i joined a clubbing forum, but being a single mum i am stuck in on my own most of the time, but my status on msn is always busy LOL just cos i have too many people on there wanting to talk to me,
Stops me being lonely tho
The fact remains, there is no comfort with yourself.
I mean, I am never making a headrush into a girl. I am polite and smalltalk with her - be it for hours - but nobody is ever interested. Be it, enjoying the convo, or meeting up again, or whatever.
when I was doing ambulance shifts I saw a lot of middleaged guys, in dirty flats, no money, no partner and I always thought, "please god, I don't want to end like this."
It gets funny to a degree that I think I have some horrible disease written on my forehead or something, because it just never works out.
I am direly afraid of being alone.
But you will still have family and friends. You wont be alone in the world.
Yes, that's right. But at some point of life you will move out, and won't be in touch with your family that often. Maybe you move even away.
A Partner is a whole different thing than friends and family.
Of course I value my friends, in fact I meet every single day different friends of mine. It's really nice, but they won't stimulate parts of me a partner can do (and I am not speaking sexually here now.)
Yeah your definetely right about that, i know what you mean about that. Its just i think people have to be careful when they say there alone because the majority of the time there not. But i understand where your coming from.
How would you define alone then?
I think thats a case where you cant really do much, its sad and i guess it annoys me now when people say there alone. You still have family and friends who care and i guess its all upto whether you wanna feel alone or you can do something about it and make an effort.
But then i do understand the case of feeling alone, by not having someone like a partner.
I share you same fears (even though I currently have a partner). This has been a concern for me from day one pretty much, always the fear of being alone in later life.
I see people like that who seem to have no-one, but I like to try and think that no matter what happens to me, I can avoid this. If my friends and familt didn't want anything to do with me, my girlfriend left me, I was living on my own etc. Then I would make the effort to get out there and meet people. I'd go to evening classes, make an effort to socialise with people at work, join clubs etc.
I'm a big believer in you being in control of your destiny. If you want something to happen it will do. If you don't want to be alone then you can do a whole host of things to avoid that. You can't make people want to be your friends or girls to want to be with you, but you can make it so they are more likely to.
I did not say I was lone I said I am afraid of being alone, as in: In the future it might be that I am alone (for not finding a partner). I know, I know I am stressing to much about it. But I am on the 'search' (not so actively like a cheetah on his prey, you know what I mean), for 5 years now. I got so many rebuffs I'd buy every thesite member a shiny car if I had 10€ for each (note: little exaggeration).
I am not alone, I am just afraid of being one day.
/edit: I am talking of 5 consecutive years without relationship. No little things inbetween that did not work out. 5 years of nothingness. This is what heists my courage.
also,when it comes to chat rooms n stuff i guess it is a load of fun...and a good way to meet new people(....i wish it was that easy to make friends face to face at uni....)but isn't making friends at ur classes n all supposed to be the normal way of going abt it?...howcome its jus so easy for some people...n not so easy for others?
I not sure if it's proven or disproven, but I even think genetics play a role.
I have it easy to talk to people, male or female, but as soon as I am interested in a girl in more than just a friend I totally block out. I hit myself for opportunities I passed up, because I did not have the guts for it. I know shy people who have partners as well, but you kinda have to be at the right place to the right time.
It's a dilemma.
If I was with people 24/7 then I'd go mad. Even at work I prefer to sort of talk to different people than just hang about with the same people all day, because I will get dead irritated.
Don't like the idea of being alone and 50 right enough, but I've never felt the need to be with anyone just so I'm with someone, y'know?
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me?
The Beatles - Help!
Sorry to hear you're feeling lonely and worried about returning to uni. There's no specific reason as to why some people find it harder to to make friends and initiate conversation with a perfect stranger than others, it's just the way life is I suppose. If you're thinking of going up to someone and introducing yourself don't think that they won't want to talk to you, they might be just as nervous as you are!
A really good way to meet people is to join a club or society; do you have any particular hobbies or interests? It's a great way to meet new people and you'll have something in common from the start I'm quite shy and I recently joined a local rowing club; I'm getting outside in the fresh air, doing a sport and meeting people, it's great. As you're an international student you could join a club for international students, I'm sure there will be other students who feel the same as you. When I was at uni there was a World's Cafe organised and every week the focus was on a different country, it was a great way to meet a bunch of people I'd would have never met otherwise. Perhaps there is something similar at your uni.
Good luck, be positive and let us know how you get on
xx
:crying: :crying: :crying:
I've always been one of those unpopular kids at school, had no real friends at sixth form or college (barely spoke to anyone last year at college outside of lessons) and work is stupidly cliquey. I can sort of cope with being on my own, I'm used to it now.