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Out of place or out of time?
Indrid Cold
Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
I was invited to a party which was yesterday night. I went there, lots of people etc. Shortly after, I was bored.
It pretty much was like this: A computer with huge speakers in one corner of the yard, playing music so loud that I had trouble hearing people next to me speak (they probably were ok, I have a little loss of hearing when it comes to human voices). Some were dancing (almost all of them girls) and the rest were sitting around and talking or choosing songs to play next. I don't know how to dance and, to be honest, I wasn't all too thrilled about it. I couldn't hear the other well enough to talk and near the end, when the music went down so I could hear the few people that were left, I often had nothing to say (though I made sure to say it when I had).
So as I said, I was mostly bored. I began to psycho-analyse myself, as I do sometimes, and I figured out that I probably would be having fun if it was the kind of party that people play games in (not computer games) etc. Since it wasn't, I felt bored.
I probably could have tried to speak to others I didn't know, but being almost unable to hear them made my (I guess) shyness worse, so I didn't. But my question is this:
Was I simply out of place? (i.e., it simply wasn't my cup of tea)
Or was I out of time? Perhaps the kind of thing I have in mind is out of the question for 20-year olds (although there were people as young as 16 and the hostess was kind of acting like 7
) and I have to adapt to my age?
It pretty much was like this: A computer with huge speakers in one corner of the yard, playing music so loud that I had trouble hearing people next to me speak (they probably were ok, I have a little loss of hearing when it comes to human voices). Some were dancing (almost all of them girls) and the rest were sitting around and talking or choosing songs to play next. I don't know how to dance and, to be honest, I wasn't all too thrilled about it. I couldn't hear the other well enough to talk and near the end, when the music went down so I could hear the few people that were left, I often had nothing to say (though I made sure to say it when I had).
So as I said, I was mostly bored. I began to psycho-analyse myself, as I do sometimes, and I figured out that I probably would be having fun if it was the kind of party that people play games in (not computer games) etc. Since it wasn't, I felt bored.
I probably could have tried to speak to others I didn't know, but being almost unable to hear them made my (I guess) shyness worse, so I didn't. But my question is this:
Was I simply out of place? (i.e., it simply wasn't my cup of tea)
Or was I out of time? Perhaps the kind of thing I have in mind is out of the question for 20-year olds (although there were people as young as 16 and the hostess was kind of acting like 7
) and I have to adapt to my age? 0
Comments
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/story/0,,1852956,00.html
Age doesn't really come into it, I still like the same things I did when I was 17 and I'm 22 now.
Always prefer actually going out and stuff though, was at a party last weekend and I was bored shitless because I couldn't get drunk and my mate kept trying to set me up with some guitar wielding he-she :crazyeyes
If it's a party where you don't really know many people, & you're all in little groups, I can see that getting boring - you have to keep making small talk with strangers, & when you feel like moving to a different group you feel like you're butting in. Also everyone's trying to look cool so they're too self conscious to really enjoy themselves - can't do that when you know each other really well cos everyone can remember (& list on the spot) your embarrassing moments.
BTW, I have that music/talking problem too. I have real trouble making out what someone is saying unless they're speaking clearly.
I knew about 2-3 people, plus a couple more that I'd only met once before (in total there were about 15). But I couldn't hear what anyone was saying unless I practically had my ear right next to their mouth.
I think you've hit the nail on the head here. Thing is, I don't really know what to do about it. Whenever I try to "make contact", either it will work quite a bit but not perfectly (like in most cases when me and some others go for coffee etc) or not at all (like Friday night). Many times I feel like I'm from another planet, because even the few people who seem to have the same interests with me seem to like talking about other things better.
Ok, I'm sorry if I sounded too much like a psychotherapist but sometimes I can't help myself.
But saying as you don't drink, I just have to say that maybe it's just wasn't your scene at the time. Maybe join a group on the internet and get a load of people together to play games?
at the end of the day, it sounds to me like it just wasn't 'your cup of tea.'
tho' may be you were misplaced in time? - but then it would depend on how people are supposed to act for the age they are, and is there really a norm for that?
In any case, when others do the things they like because they've found people to do them with, then yes, I do consider them to be doing better than me. You're not going to say that's wrong, do you? I might be smart, but I'm also slow. I might be able to think something through better than others can (although I'm not sure about this) but it also takes me much more time to think what others think right away. And that's not helping. As for "funny", what exactly do you find funny? And the heart comment, I'm not sure about either and to be honest I think it's one of the things that you can never judge yourself correctly for. There are a number of reasons that I can't, money issues being one of them. I don't know of any way to find any, and I've looked.
Well, for starters you could learn to take a compliment instead of analysing it
That seems to be a barrier for a lot of people, isn't it? I can't really help you there as it depends on the resources available in your city. If you're serious about it you can sometimes find places that aren't so expensive as one might think beforehand though. Just as an idea, if you haven't looked in it before, don't they offer that kind of help for students in your University?
That's a shame then. I really don't know what to advise here, just to keep you eyes open? (lame, I know..
I had written a long conclusion here last time which I won't be able to reproduce, but basically it said something like I'm saying all these things because I would like to see you happy, and that I think you could use a general change of attitude in your life, I mean really going after the things you want. You want to move out of your mother's house? Do it! Don't have enough money? Get a job! Not enough? Borrow off someone... Feel bad about your father spending money on you? DON'T! You've all the right in the world to have the things you need to make you happy. I remember a post you made once about how you put everyone else's needs before your own. Well, it's time to put yours in front then! Forget about others for now, do what you have to do!
Ok, those were the ramblings more or less... Just hope any of it can be of use to you. Good luck.