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Does anyone not like relationships?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm 18 years old, male, and I've never been in a serious relationship. I once agreed to go out with this girl just because I knew it was the only way I could shag her, but that's pretty much it.
I'm "going out" (as in boyfriend, girlfriend) with this girl aged 18. I've known her for 2 years and we've always liked each other and it was fun flirting with her but recently she's asked me out and as soon as I knew she wanted me 100% I kinda lost interest. It always happens.
Is it just because I haven't found the right girl yet?
There's a lot of pressure being 18 and being single. Everyone presumes if you haven't got a girlfriend either you can't get one or you're gay. It's kinda annoying because it's neither of them.
I don't really know what I don't like in a relationship. The only two things I can think of is the "Where are you going?", "When will you be home?" and so on type of messages and knowing that there's no challenge as they want you 100%.
I'm incredibly good at hiding my feelings, and I'm possibly the most emotionless person ever. I could laugh at a funeral if I wanted to. I never cry and I think my lack of emotion is a big part of not wanting a relationship.
It's OK saying, "Fine, don't have a relationship." but when all your mates are saying how amazing it is, you question it. You meet a nice girl and think "Yeah, this is gunna be good." and it's all fun, etc, until I know she wants me and then the interest drops. The drama makes me sick.
The girl I'm seeing at the moment says she has a 2 month rule before she sleeps with anyone. It's so sad and pathetic. I just got intermit with her and made me want me 2 days into the relationship and it just put me right off females. Sure, I like shagging 'em but if I'm honest I'd sooner just have a wank rather than face the before and after bits. It just doesn't interest me.
I try not having a relationship, but it just seems natural to have one. If I'm not close to a girl, or have girls after me, I feel incomplete. It's so fucking weird.
This girl is the most amazing girl ever. She's perfect in every single way. Her sense of humour is just like mine and she's beautiful in an entirely different league but as soon as I knew she wanted me, I just lost interest. Every guy I know would kill to be with her, and tell me I'm the luckiest guy ever.
I really dunno what to do.
If anyone has seen the movie "Alfie", I'd discribe myself just like him without the good looks.
I'm "going out" (as in boyfriend, girlfriend) with this girl aged 18. I've known her for 2 years and we've always liked each other and it was fun flirting with her but recently she's asked me out and as soon as I knew she wanted me 100% I kinda lost interest. It always happens.
Is it just because I haven't found the right girl yet?
There's a lot of pressure being 18 and being single. Everyone presumes if you haven't got a girlfriend either you can't get one or you're gay. It's kinda annoying because it's neither of them.
I don't really know what I don't like in a relationship. The only two things I can think of is the "Where are you going?", "When will you be home?" and so on type of messages and knowing that there's no challenge as they want you 100%.
I'm incredibly good at hiding my feelings, and I'm possibly the most emotionless person ever. I could laugh at a funeral if I wanted to. I never cry and I think my lack of emotion is a big part of not wanting a relationship.
It's OK saying, "Fine, don't have a relationship." but when all your mates are saying how amazing it is, you question it. You meet a nice girl and think "Yeah, this is gunna be good." and it's all fun, etc, until I know she wants me and then the interest drops. The drama makes me sick.
The girl I'm seeing at the moment says she has a 2 month rule before she sleeps with anyone. It's so sad and pathetic. I just got intermit with her and made me want me 2 days into the relationship and it just put me right off females. Sure, I like shagging 'em but if I'm honest I'd sooner just have a wank rather than face the before and after bits. It just doesn't interest me.
I try not having a relationship, but it just seems natural to have one. If I'm not close to a girl, or have girls after me, I feel incomplete. It's so fucking weird.
This girl is the most amazing girl ever. She's perfect in every single way. Her sense of humour is just like mine and she's beautiful in an entirely different league but as soon as I knew she wanted me, I just lost interest. Every guy I know would kill to be with her, and tell me I'm the luckiest guy ever.
I really dunno what to do.
If anyone has seen the movie "Alfie", I'd discribe myself just like him without the good looks.
0
Comments
Plus I think 18 is still quite young, you still have a lot of opportunities of meeting a girl that sweeps you off your feet
I'm only 17 and do find this as well. Slightly different, but earlier this year, I got called 'odd' because at the time I wasn't actually interested in anyone at all.:rolleyes:
Why is it 'sad & pathetic'? In a way, I see her point. I wouldn't go out with someone for a few days then just sleep with them, having only just met them and probably not knowing them all that well.
everyone does whats right for them.
I was trying to say this, but just didn't. There is much more to a relationship than sleeping with each other.
I used to get stressed about not being "normal" with regard to relationships but i've stopped bothering now as maybe one day i might meet someone who i love to bits or maybe i might not.
I think the fact that you're talking about this means that you're not a "lost cause"
It does feel weird to have a relationship, especially if your (successful) experience of them is minimal. I hesitate to say "give it a try" because there's no need for you to try it if it isn't what you want. But it's definitely a big adjustment to go into a relationship and suddenly be getting your end away and having to deal with all the emotional extras - good and bad - that come with having a signifigant other rather than several insignifigant ones.
You don't need to have a relationship, there's nothing wrong with having casual sex as long as you're both aware that that's the craic. I think that with time you'll probably start to value the "before and after bits" more, it comes to a lot of us with age I think. But even if you don't, I don't think it makes you weird... just out of the ordinary, and there's certainly no merit in building relationships just to conform to what your peers are doing and to alter the way they think about you and your behaviour with the opposite sex.
To be honest I'm not sure quite what you're asking. Do you actually want to change your attitude toward relationships, or are you just looking for validation that other people feel like this too? I can assure you that yes, they do.
but if i actually stick with someone then i do (eventually!) start to develop feelings. its only natural for that to happen. if you get to know someone and spend time with them then you care about them, think about them and then eventually you only want to be with them.
I do understand why people have two month rules and that sort of thing. It's basically saying that they want to be in a relationship with someone before they sleep with them. It's just like saying "if you're not after a proper relationship then don't waste my time," so it'd be pretty shitty to carry on going out with someone who says that, just so you can shag them.
right now I crave for a rlship, on the other hand I really hat it, when I am restricted in my freedom and I totally don't want to see my g/f 24/7.
I can't say.
Think you just need to find yourself a nice, chilled out girl.
yeah... That's totally my focus group, they are not too easily found tho :l Not one with one of that damn Gucci Bag and fitting Gucci Belt, not one who has her hair dyed blonde and underneath a bit of black. All clones. Where's the one who is a bit more independant, encourages you to go out with your friends (and come along) once in a while, instead of always going out as 2. Where is her, who can be gentle(wo)man as well, and not always expect you to concede in a disagreement. Where is she, who appreciates if you cook for her or do other of those "little things".
*shrugs* oh pardon, I got a bit carried away...
I miss a lot of things about being single. I still flirt but its not the same knowing I can't make a move. But if you really click with someone then its worth sacrificing the things you love about being single.
By the way did anyone else think this was hilarious?...
Someone make it their signature!!!
What i've worked out, is that everything around us, ie peers, our culture etc tells us that we should all be dating, getting in relationships, living happily ever after and that, but at the end of the day it isn't for all of us. For years my best mate has gone out with girls and slept with girls just for the sake of being with someone and now he has been with his current gf for a year and their relationship is a joke. All they do is argue and bicker 24/7 - i've never seen a couple that are so NOT compatible! He's just about admitted to me that he only stays with her for the sake of it and because he don't wanna be single and that. And i just find myself laughing and thinking "Well if that's what you get for trying to stay with someone who there's no chemistry with just because you think you should be in a relationship what's the point". I couldn't stand a week of what he's stood a year of! And he's always taking the mick out of me calling me 'celibate' and stuff, but at the end of the day i'm not bothered anymore - the joke's on him!
I'm still convinced that one day i will meet a person i seriously wanna be with, but until then i'm not interested in trying to force something out of nothing. And i still spend a scary amount of time daydreaming about it and that (!) but again, no point in forcing anything. And if it doesn't happen for years and i find myself having to admit i'm not to experienced or whatever i don't think i'll be to bothered. At least i will have been true to myself and not wasted half of my free time with the stresses and strains of pointless relationships...!
yea, you are right... I know people who are married in my age, but on the other hand there are still a lot of virgins and people who never had any real relationship among my friends.
Sometimes it's just really draining if you count up all the rebuffs you got in the past years, compared to the success stories.
being patient is the maxim I suppose.
Ugh, just typed a whole post and then made a doodoo and everythings gone: so, once again:
As much as I have an opinion about most issues here, I honestly don't know what to do in your situation. I think if the right girl comes the interest won't fade so quick. You are fascinated with her, that your hobbies will be secondary. Even better: find a girl who shares your hobbies. What is better than going mountainbiking or playing ice hockey with your gal if she's into it?
I need to get to know more girls, definitely. I constantly fall for my female friends until I refrain so much from seeing them until I am ok again. Come to think of it: I don't even want to be with them objectively seen. One is really insane, always shifts blame to you etc. She could prolly really need some psychological help, the other one never speaks her mind, always want it her way, and holds back problems and issues until the big break out.
I guess I am just feeling lonely. when it's 10pm and I am sitting at home chatting with friends (male), they all ask me what I am up to. It's cold, it's raining, what the heck should I be up to? The best opportunity right now to have a girlfriend, snuggle up, watch a movie, have some tiramisu, pudding, tea, whatever... at least not alone...
But I will patiently wait until Uni. I heard a lot of good things about geting to know people there ( guess it's inevitable
Mind you, my friend is like you. He gets on with girls, flirts with them, but isnt really interested in relationships. He just doesn't like them enough, he sees everyone as friends really. Sometimes, admittedly, fit friends he wouldnt mind having sex with! But still friends.
I told him to do what he feels like. :thumb:
Oh, we do exist...maybe you're more likely to find them at uni - purely because it's such a bigger melting pot than the school/home crowd. Even when I first met my boyfriend and we were at the first, starry-eyed, all lusted-up bit, I'd invite him along to stuff when I'd arranged a pub quiz or whatever with my other friends before he phoned me about going out, and similarly, if we wanted to do something together but couldn't think of what, we were equally as happy going down the pub with his flatmates. A bit of alone-time is essential too, of course, but I've never understood the attitude where there is a couple, the girl has her friends, the boy has his and never should any of them overlap... a recipe for disaster if you ask me :rolleyes:
i cant believe you guys. i'd kill for relationship and this whole thing thing seems like one big joke. i find it quite petuerbing that the single most basic thing in life is being talked about like this. i guess its just me.
theres nothing wrong with it. i just dont understand why you wouldnt want one. i suppose you always want what you cant have
I don't see what's wrong with not wanting a relationship either. I guess most single people probably don't want one because of commitment or something like that?
or because they cant get one.
fair enough. i guess i'm just feeling lonely.