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Changing Someone

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Okay the title will probably make people mad but the guy I'm seeing is lovely.

The only thing is I feel like I'm always in charge. For example he asked me yesterday 'Do you wanna watch a film or just chill listening to music?'

I said 'you choose' and he honestly couldn't make his mind up. I KNEW he wanted to watch a certain movie yet just couldn't get the words out. We've been dating for 3 months now so it isn't shyness..just insecurity I think.

When he finally did get around to saying something it was like 'I suppose we could watch a film maybe..if you want to..?'

GAH

I feel like he is tip toeing around me. Anyone else had this?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fucking hell yes. It does my head in. People that never have an opinion. What do you want to do? Oh anything, you decide. They might as well just say "it doesn't matter as long as I'm with you." :yuck:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh my god he says that!!!!

    He is a soppy git but I love him. Sometimes its just arghh
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They might as well just say "it doesn't matter as long as I'm with you." :yuck:

    Complete with googley eyes :lol:

    I don't know what you can do about this. My boyfriend's cousin's girlfriend (follow that?) is exactly like that and sits silently, won't even say if she wants tea or coffee when asked etc. She automatically looks at her boyfriend which is - as you would expect - met with "how the fuck do I know which you want?". She is utterly lovely and not painfully shy or anything like that, I think she's afraid of voicing an opinion in case someone else doesn't want to do that or is upset by it. Though how in God's name that could happen over a tea/coffee decision I have no clue.

    AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well if everyone's having tea, and you've got to get the coffee out just for her, then it'd be annoying.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It hardly matters to me, I haven't made a brew in months /lazy :p

    I just get infuriated by the way she doesn't make a decision. Standing with her at the bar is hellish, she's even too shy to tell the bartender what she wants - as if he gives a rat's arse what you order, luv.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rachael wrote:
    Okay the title will probably make people mad but the guy I'm seeing is lovely.

    It isn't changing someone Rach, it's about him learning that he has valid opinions and wishes, and that they are as important to you as yours are to him. Changing someone would be changing what, or how, they think. All you want is for him to voice his thoughts and express his opinion.

    Talk him into taking the decision-making in turns. You pick one night, he picks the other. Tell him that what he wants to do is just as important as what you want. :thumb:

    Or just get rid. We've still not had eyesex for months :(;).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Haha. I'm not getting rid AGAIN.

    :P

    I think I'll talk to him tonight. I've tried before but you've worded it perfectly here. Maybe it'll get through.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'm a bit like it sometimes. but that's down to being an indecisive madam! and i'm just happy doing whatever. used to piss my ex boyfriend off royally!

    however i'm certainly no door mat and if i did want to do something so much i'd say so.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This sounds weird and I'm not trying to take the piss.

    Sometimes I take advantage. Like after dinner he smiles and takes the plates down and I let him.

    I try not to :blush: I'm not a bad person honest.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    With stuff like that, you could offer to help him?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do but he honestly says no no and skiddaddles off with the plates leaving me in the room with my mum giving me a scornful look
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yes ive had this. My gf im with now was like this when we first started dating. in the end i just thought ok then i'll decide and i made all the decisions. eventually she got bored and started contributing to suggestions :lol::)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well if everyone's having tea, and you've got to get the coffee out just for her, then it'd be annoying.
    Yeah, but in that case instead of just looking at your boyfriend (who probably won't have any more or less idea of what everyone else is having than you do), just say something like "Well I'd like a coffee, but if no one else is having one I'd be perfectly happy with tea." That's what I do if I'm offered food or drink.
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