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Changing Someone
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Okay the title will probably make people mad but the guy I'm seeing is lovely.
The only thing is I feel like I'm always in charge. For example he asked me yesterday 'Do you wanna watch a film or just chill listening to music?'
I said 'you choose' and he honestly couldn't make his mind up. I KNEW he wanted to watch a certain movie yet just couldn't get the words out. We've been dating for 3 months now so it isn't shyness..just insecurity I think.
When he finally did get around to saying something it was like 'I suppose we could watch a film maybe..if you want to..?'
GAH
I feel like he is tip toeing around me. Anyone else had this?
The only thing is I feel like I'm always in charge. For example he asked me yesterday 'Do you wanna watch a film or just chill listening to music?'
I said 'you choose' and he honestly couldn't make his mind up. I KNEW he wanted to watch a certain movie yet just couldn't get the words out. We've been dating for 3 months now so it isn't shyness..just insecurity I think.
When he finally did get around to saying something it was like 'I suppose we could watch a film maybe..if you want to..?'
GAH
I feel like he is tip toeing around me. Anyone else had this?
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He is a soppy git but I love him. Sometimes its just arghh
Complete with googley eyes
I don't know what you can do about this. My boyfriend's cousin's girlfriend (follow that?) is exactly like that and sits silently, won't even say if she wants tea or coffee when asked etc. She automatically looks at her boyfriend which is - as you would expect - met with "how the fuck do I know which you want?". She is utterly lovely and not painfully shy or anything like that, I think she's afraid of voicing an opinion in case someone else doesn't want to do that or is upset by it. Though how in God's name that could happen over a tea/coffee decision I have no clue.
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.
I just get infuriated by the way she doesn't make a decision. Standing with her at the bar is hellish, she's even too shy to tell the bartender what she wants - as if he gives a rat's arse what you order, luv.
It isn't changing someone Rach, it's about him learning that he has valid opinions and wishes, and that they are as important to you as yours are to him. Changing someone would be changing what, or how, they think. All you want is for him to voice his thoughts and express his opinion.
Talk him into taking the decision-making in turns. You pick one night, he picks the other. Tell him that what he wants to do is just as important as what you want. :thumb:
Or just get rid. We've still not had eyesex for months .
:P
I think I'll talk to him tonight. I've tried before but you've worded it perfectly here. Maybe it'll get through.
however i'm certainly no door mat and if i did want to do something so much i'd say so.
Sometimes I take advantage. Like after dinner he smiles and takes the plates down and I let him.
I try not to I'm not a bad person honest.