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living together

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
how long were u with your boyfriend/girlfriend before you moved in together?

were u worried about not being able to afford it?

were u worried about fighting and not getting on?

was one of you more into the idea than the other?

i really want to start sorting out moving in with my boyfriend we've been together 2 years in november. we're only 20 and 21, i know its young but i really want to move in with him. but he seems reluctant to do anything about it. if i bring it up he says 'yeah i wanna live with you too' but then when i try to get him to do somethign about it he clams up. he even said to me the other day 'but i have it easy at home!' which he does, his mum does everything for him.

i dont want to nag cos obvously i want him to WANT to move in but you know wat i mean!

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    littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    I thought you guys split up?

    Anyway ... we moved in together after about 6 months. It was originally meant to be a summer thing, ie for 3 months, but circumstances changed that. Because of that, it sort of just happened, rather than planning it, if that makes sense.

    We could afford it because he was in a good job at the time and I made small contributions with student loan and the likes. After finishing uni, I got a job and contributed more so but that wasn't a concern.

    I suppose, my most major concern about it was whether we would argue more. But as it just 'happened' I didn't really think about it and we ended up not arguing much at all. Well, no more than normal.

    If things are a bit frail in your relationship, after what happened last week, I probably wouldn't force the situation. Let him come round to the idea first. If you push him then it may seriously affect the two of you. Take your time.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    littlemissy wrote:
    I thought you guys split up?
    i was wondering that - he's obviously not ready....and tbh, if he's not independant/motivated enough to look after himself at home, then i think you need to think carefully as you'll more than likely end up being his mum.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I moved in with Ed after only a couple months. The lease was up at my shithole appartment, I couldn't afford anything other than another shithole. I guess he felt bad for me :p In the couple months we were together before we moved in, I had gone to my place about 3 times total, and that was usually only to pick up more clothes. His friends and his parents told him several times whilst I was looking for a place, why don't you just have her move in with you? She practically does already. And voila.

    We spent so much time together that I didn't think twice of what it would be like living together. He already owned a nice town house so that wasn't an issue either.

    I couldn't say if we argue more as we hadn't gotten into the dissagreeing phase before we moved in :p

    On what you said: He still lives at home I take it? Maybe he's just not ready to move out of his parents house yet. Its his comfort zone. Or maybe he's just a wuss cuz he has it easy there :p Maybe you could talk about moving close to them? Theres tons of options. Or look for a place that leases month to month, so you can easily change your mind if need be.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I moved in my with my boyfriend at the beginning of June and we've been together nearly 2 and half years.

    We were at Uni together and although we never lived together during our time at Uni, we were both obviously used to living away from home and the 'comforts' of meals being cooked and washing being done for you!

    Moving in together has actually made us closer, although things are a bit tight on the money side of things at the moment as we've both just graduated and I don't have a full time job yet and he is starting a PGCE course in September so we are basically living off our overdrafts!

    I agree with what has already been said though, it's not something you want to rush into so I'd just leave off mentioning it for a while, when he's ready I'm sure he will let you know. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    why are you so keen to live with him chelle? is it cos things aren't good at home? or do you just want to prove to him that you still want to be with him?

    there really is no rush to live with him, enjoy the freedom you have at the minute. have you got a close friend you could perhaps move in with?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Were officially together in Jan, he moved here in April.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont want to rush it, i know we need to take our time etc. but its just something i would like to seriously talk about.

    i think he's so used to having everything done for him. but he can do it himself.

    i know we've had problems over the past few weeks but everyone has bad patches.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well me and my boyfriend were living together for 18 months before we started going out together as we were housemates at uni. We lived together in a shared house for the first 18 months until we both finished uni, and we both thought the next natural thing was to move into together by ourselves. We're not really the arguing type, so that didn't concern me but money did and still does. However if you know how much you can spend you just live to your means...simple really :thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We'd been together just over a year, it wasn't planned, and so I wasn't worried about it. The idea of moving in together was scary before it, but she just ended up staying more and more often at my student house and eventually she just moved in properly. Been living together ever since.

    We moved in together at 19, so 21 is hardly young. It depends on how you get on already as to whether you will get on together or split up because you can't live with each other. It is a big step if its planned, but it doesn't really need to be planned.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im moving in with my b.f next yr, once ive finised uni, and we'll have been together 4 yrs next year. it isnt a decision to make lightly, but maybe thats cos we're buying, not renting.
    bcos we know we want to do it, we've started saving now, so wont worry so much about money next year. Also, im more excited than him, but thats a girl thing - every couple i know who lives together, its so much more exciting for the girl!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In the process of moving in together at the moment; been together (by my definition, anyway :p ) for less than three months, put it that way.

    In like Flynn, that's me :razz:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My boyfriend and I had been together for about 5 months when he asked me to move in with him, and I was happy to do so as it was a fluid progression in our relationship, we didn't need to sit down and have long talks etc. We rent, and live with 2 other people, so being able to afford the rent wasn't an issue and we divide the costs of shopping/bills etc.

    You have to tread very carefully with a person who is reluctant, and who has had everything done for them, otherwise you may find yourself doing everything, and resenting him even more for it. I do all the cooking, most of the laundry and our washing up - my boyfriend appreciates this, and he does most of the other jobs like washing floors, cleaning the bathroom and kitchen etc. There's often an illusion that living together is uber romantic etc - it can be, but you have to be aware that living with a person - there are few boundries, especially when your partner needs to poop when you're trying to have a relaxing shower :grump:

    Take small steps, and perhaps discuss it once you're a bit stronger after the rough patch
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its the thought of having to mother my boyfriend and pick up towels after him and moan at him to do the washing up etc that puts me off. otherwise its a lovely idea.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    its the thought of having to mother my boyfriend and pick up towels after him and moan at him to do the washing up etc that puts me off. otherwise its a lovely idea.

    Haha, I know that's what my wife will be like. Such a lazy slob me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think we`d been together about a month :lol:
    I cant quite remember. Hes still officially got a room at his mates rent free, but i think hes stayed there maybe once.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    blonde__batman wrote:
    he even said to me the other day 'but i have it easy at home!' which he does, his mum does everything for him.

    If I was you this would set off a massive alarm bell. Do not be his mum.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bongbudda wrote:
    If I was you this would set off a massive alarm bell. Do not be his mum.

    i would never tidy up after him. i dont think i'd need to tho, he's a total neat freak.
    i wouldnt mind cooking because i enjoy it.

    i think im just going to have to accept that right now its not wat he wants
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