what do i say?

Former Member · August 2006

im moving into a house with my mates tomorrow. and one of them, not meaning this in a horrible way, but she smells alot. we have avoided going to her flat for the whole of this year because we cant stand the smell. she's the most loveliest person you could ever meet and she is one of my best friends. but me and another friend have heard people talking about her when weve been out, saying things such as " is that the fat, smelly one who dances alot". we dont want people sayin these things about her, coz she's such a nice person and she never does anything wrong to anyone.

so we've decided were gonna talk to her tonight. were gonna tell her that she smells and that people are noticing and we want to help her sort it out.

has anyone else ever been in my position? if so, how did you tackle the problem and what did you say?

would really appreciate any replies

thanx

xx

Former Member · August 2006

What do you think the reason for her smelling? Do you think it's a medical problem or a hygiene one?

Former Member · August 2006

Ohh this is ackward. You could start off by reassuring her you're her friends, and that you're only doing this because you have heard strangers mentioning it and thought it best that you and your friend bring it to her attention as opposed to a stranger who isn't likely to be as sympathetic.

http://www.thesite.org.uk/sexandrelationships/familyandfriends/friendship/trivialproblems

Good luck and she will appreciate this in the future, she may be embaressed at the start but she'll get over it.

Former Member · August 2006

well her parents are very strict so she wasnt shown anything before comin to uni and we get the feeling her family are very slobbish. i think its because shes not washing her clothes properly. its the kind of smell that, ya no when you've reached the bottom of the wash basket and your at the clothes that have been there a while, its like that but 10x stronger and it follows her around. she doesnt cook in her kitchen because she doesnt like her flatmates, she has a microwave in her bedroom. so, i dont think she will want to go down to the communal washers in the building, which means she probably hand washes her things. and if her parents havent shown her how to do a thing then she probably doesnt know how to wash her clothes properly.

Former Member · August 2006

if someone had words with me because they thought I smelled bad, I'd just want to crawl under a rock and die. There are people who are alergic to soap, there could be so many reasons as to why she smells.

If you all get together have have words with her it will probably end badly I think. If one of you does it, atleast she wont think she's being ganged up on and can talk to the others about how she feels.

Again this is one of those situations that could end badly. Be friendly with her, teach her...slowly. About how to clean clothes, cook and wash. Don't throw it all at her at once.

Former Member · August 2006

well theres only two of us talking to her and thats because neither of us wanted to do it on our own so we agreed to do it together.

ETA : and we're the ones closest to her, thats why were talking to her

Former Member · August 2006

good luck, that will be really hard. dont worry if she's angry with you, id be abit pissed if that happened to me, but its for the best!

Former Member · August 2006

I had that once. You've just got to take the plunge and hope for the best.

Former Member · August 2006

I have a few friends who have had extremely bad B.O problems in the past and one female friend who had an even more embarassing situation which I took it upon myself to discuss with her. There is the risk that they will take it extremely badly but I always felt that I'd rather they heard from me than some random arsehole who would be a lot less sensitive about it.

I guess it's just a foisty smell rather than actual body odour from what you've said? Maybe you could suggest trips to the laundrette together, or if you have your own clothes washing facilities then you could offer to pool some laundry - I'm not sure, it's a difficult one because it's so personal and there are so many potential reasons. Good luck with it; just tread softly and you should be fine. She will thank you in the end, I'm sure of it

Former Member · August 2006

thanx for your replies, going to meet her in a few minutes. then were going to my other mates place. thanx for your help
xx

Former Member · August 2006

i don't realllllly think it should be worded 'we think you smell'.

good luck and all, you're doing the right thing in the long run.

Former Member · August 2006

God that would be an awful thing to go through, for both parties. Make sure you tell us how it went.

Former Member · August 2006

what are you going to say when she asks why you havent told her before?

Former Member · August 2006

well we spoke to her. turns out her landlord had a quiet word a few weeks ago. she cried, cant blame her though. she says she understands how hard it must have been to talk to her about it but she wishes we'd said something sooner, which is fair enough. we explained how we've wanted to, but its hard and we know we should have and we apologised. we made sure she understood that we only said something because we care.

she said she's pleased it came from us and not anyone else. i feel really bad but i no it was the right thing. we've offered to help her wash her clothes and stuff. im pretty sure its the washing. we asked her about shower gel and stuff, but she was hesitant about wash powder. and she hand washes as well, but im we'll sort it between the three of us.

thanx for your help, really appreciate it
xx

Former Member · August 2006

Aw, glad to hear it went alright. It was never going to be a pleasant situation and it's awful that she was so upset but at least it's out in the open now and you can help her resolve the problem, it's for the best in the long run and you've proven yourselves to be really good, sensitive mates I reckon :thumb:

Former Member · August 2006

If I was leaving with a group of lads, and one of us was smelly, we would grab him by all fours, put him on the ground, then stick one of his smelly clothes up his nose until he regurgitates! Believe me, he would not be smelly again!! Ain't nothing but the tough love...
:yeees:

Former Member · August 2006

The Pendari Champion wrote:

There are people who are alergic to soap, there could be so many reasons as to why she smells.

Which isn't an excuse really; even though someone is allergic to soap (and before anyone asks, when I was younger I actually had an allergy to soap) there are certain soaps they;re able to use without any problems.

Former Member · August 2006

She may get defensive ; because no matter what it's going to hurt her feelings.. but sooner or later she should realize that you guys were trying to help.

what do i say?

Comments