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anorexia
Former Member
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You said he has admitted he has anorexia, so even though he is shy, maybe if he is able to do this you could give it another go at talking to him about why he doesn't like eating?
I know it must be scary to do this if he seems really sensitive about it, but there's only one of two things that can happen - he can talk or he won't. If he doesn't want to, I'm not really sure about if it's a good idea to talk to his supervisor as he may be upset you haven't come to him first, but then again -I'm guessing that if he is this thin as you say he is that their supervisor would have noticed it anyway and could say they were personally worried about him and leave you out of it.
Maybe you could casually mention it your friend to go to their GP if it's at a time when they look tired or ill? You could say it's because you're worried about him being really tired and so on and you think it might be an idea to get a routine check up. Try and make it sound like a normal thing and that you used to go when you were ill and it helped. I'm no expert on anorexia in the slightest but deep down I'm sure he wants to be better?
By seeing the doctor it may help him to get further help, especially if the doc says he is dangerously overweight. Good luck and let us know how he gets on....
This article may also be of help
http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/eatingdisorders/helpingafriend
If he's five stone then I doubt thats what the dr will say to him...
On a more helpful note, I do think you should try and talk to him again. If someone is that ill then they are not thinking clearly and sometimes need someone to take a bit of control. I'm not saying that person is you, but maybe telling his superviser would be a step in the right direction.
This, sadly, is the truth. There is not a sausage you can do for him unless he wants you to.
Going behind his back would generally be a bad idea. It would probably just make him more secretive and deceptive, which is not a good position to be in, cause then you really have no idea how he really is. A big part of anorexia is control, and if he feels the control is being taken from him, there's no telling how he might react.
I would recommend talking to him again. Ask him questions, open questions, so he can't just 'no...no...no..' you. Tell him you're worried about how he is. Tell him you understand some of the things he's going through cause you've been through them too, you're worried he might die, and you want to be there for him if he needs someone.
After that, you can do nothing.
It's a horrible situation all round, really. But I think your plan is a good one. Anorexia is such a solitary illness that I think it would be way more beneficial to him to have someone he feels he can trust and that he could go to for help, even if he never chooses to than someone pressuring him and knocking him out of his comfort zone.
I have been 'better' for about 5 years now. I changed because I wanted to, essentially. There were a good few years when I actually wanted to be ill, and was doing it all on purpose. Then I decided I was being ridiculous and wanted to get better but was too scared to. Then I grew balls, decided there was a lot of stuff I was scared of, and if i was going to let it all control me I'd have a piss poor life.
However, when I was about 16 and actually contemplating recovery, one of my friends grassed me up to my mum, who then dragged me to the doctor, which pissed me off so much I actively stopped eating again, and didn't contemplate recovery again for a good few years, which is why I feel so strongly about not going behind your friend's back :yes:
Although you are able to make him feel like someone gives a shit, whether he chooses to get better, or not. I think that's pretty powerful.
And if he doesn't get better, don't beat yourself up about things you could or should have done. Just remember that by the time someone is as far gone as him, they have enough doctors and counsellors and family and whatever getting on at them, and he must get a lot of comfort from having a good friend. Gets awfully lonely being your own nemesis.