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Would you Date someone who has Cheated in the past?

2

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sophia wrote:
    you really can't judge.

    I haven't.
    I just said if I knew a girl who told me what you have then I probably wouldn't date her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tweety wrote:
    Noone is forced to cheat.
    OK, maybe forced was the wrong word, but some people blame their cheating on their partner saying how they were pushed into it by the way they were cheated and that the situation caused them to cheat. I just don't agree with that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    red_jelly wrote:
    OK, maybe forced was the wrong word, but some people blame their cheating on their partner saying how they were pushed into it by the way they were cheated and that the situation caused them to cheat. I just don't agree with that.

    I don't blame him but i also lost all respect for him after the way he treated me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sophia wrote:
    I just think that's a bit ridiculous. Someone makes one mistake, and you rule them out forever?

    We all make mistakes. If she had a history of a lot of infidelity, then fair enough. But to say, "once a cheater, always a cheater" is just ludicrously simplistic imo.

    OK, you've misunderstood me. Or I haven't put it down properly...
    In any case, what I meant was....

    Depends on why she cheated. If she cheated once FOR THAT REASON there's every chance she would do it again. To be specific, one of my friends was going out with a guy for a certain period of time. At one point they didn't see each other for a few weeks and she cheated on him with a guy that worked with her. When I asked her why, she said to me because she had chemistry with the other guy and it didn't really mean anything, it was just about sex. She never told her boyfriend and got pissed off at me when I told her that what she's done was wrong.
    So suffice to say, I would never date her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    migpilot wrote:
    OK, you've misunderstood me. Or I haven't put it down properly...
    In any case, what I meant was....

    Depends on why she cheated. If she cheated once FOR THAT REASON there's every chance she would do it again. To be specific, one of my friends was going out with a guy for a certain period of time. At one point they didn't see each other for a few weeks and she cheated on him with a guy that worked with her. When I asked her why, she said to me because she had chemistry with the other guy and it didn't really mean anything, it was just about sex. She never told her boyfriend and got pissed off at me when I told her that what she's done was wrong.
    So suffice to say, I would never date her.

    Even if it was a one-off and this was the first time she'd ever cheate on anyone?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sophia wrote:
    How can you say that without knowing the intimate details of someone else's relationship, as well as their psychology? See, you are judging after all...
    What am I supposed to do then? Ask for your full history before I make a reply?
    I wanted to contribute to this discussion so I did, I can only use the information i'm given.

    I don't see how I am judging people. I don't agree with the way they think, how does that mean i'm judging them? You disagree with the way I think about this, but are you judging me?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The last thing i ahve to say on this is not everything is as simple as black and white. If you can go through life with things being that simple then you have an easy life but things don't tend to be that simple in the real world.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote:
    Even if it was a one-off and this was the first time she'd ever cheate on anyone?

    1. You can guarantee me that it's a one-off?
    2. Why should I believe her that it's the first time? (cheating correlates directly to lying, if she is prepared to cheat, she is prepared to lie)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    life and relationships aren't black and white!

    so you're seeing someone for a few weeks and you're starting to develop feelings for them. then you have a talk about past relationships and they say that they once cheated. are you telling me you'd actually say "oh right, well sorry but once a cheater always a cheater. you're dumped!" as if!

    and just because someones never cheated before doesn't mean they they never will!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sophia wrote:
    "there's never any excuse for infidelity and no one can say their situation gives them an excuse", because it's making too broad a generalisation imo.

    Hmmm, yes I do actually agree with that though. I really do think that no situation is an excuse to cheat. You say your situation did make it understandable, and that's fine, that's what you believe nad I have no problem with that. I just don't think I would ever use the situation I was in as an excuse. At the end of the day I would say that it was only me who allowed the cheating to happen. I can't think of any situation I would be in where I would have any blame on my partner for my actions, and i've been in some pretty awful situations before.

    I'm finding it hard to write this in a way to not cause offence to you, as you've been in the situation and feel the way you feel so it is obviously a sensitive issue, but i'm honestly not trying to say you are wrong or trying to judge you. Please don't take what i'm saying as a personal attack on you, it's just the way I feel.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sophia wrote:
    I think it's fair enough to have your own opinion of it, the point I'm trying to make is that it's unfair to make sweeping generalisations about all people who cheat, because it can be far more complex than you might imagine.

    I'm not trying to justify being unfaithful to my ex, but at the same time I think given the circumstances of our relationship at the end it's kind of understandable. So while it's fair enough to say you personally wouldn't want to go out with someone who had cheated on a partner, it becomes different when you extend the argument from that to "there's never any excuse for infidelity and no one can say their situation gives them an excuse", because it's making too broad a generalisation imo.

    I am not generalizing.
    I said it all depends on the situation and as to why she cheated.
    I am a pretty good judge of character and i know she is prone to do it again.
    Infact she has had about 4 dates with this guy and during that time slept twice with this Italian guy.
    She is still my friend and I love her to bits, but i do think she is in the wrong.

    I am not asking you or anyone to justify yourself. And it doesn't change my opinion of you, mainly coz I don't know you.
    Also, I am not saying I would never go out with someone who has cheated before.
    It's all about the WHY?
    Surely if a guy said to you "I cheated on my ex because sex with her wasn't satisfying enough", you wouldn't want anything to do with him.

    I am surrounded by friends who have cheated on their girlfriends and boyfriends repeatedly, yet my faith in fidelity is unpreturbed. Like a few have said, it ain't all black and white.
    :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    life and relationships aren't black and white!

    so you're seeing someone for a few weeks and you're starting to develop feelings for them. then you have a talk about past relationships and they say that they once cheated. are you telling me you'd actually say "oh right, well sorry but once a cheater always a cheater. you're dumped!" as if!

    and just because someones never cheated before doesn't mean they they never will!

    If it happened now then then I don't know what would happen, I do know that it would be a big issue for me and cause a lot of worry. It wouldn't be a case of saying "oh right, well sorry but once a cheater always a cheater. you're dumped!" but I do think I would end up finishing things. I just don't think I could be happy in that situation again.

    True, just because someone hasn't cheated before doesn't mean they wont cheat in the future, but I wouldn't be concerned to the point of worrying about it if they'd never cheated before.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    VinylVicky wrote:
    I'd say cheating doesn't really count when you are that age! I last cheated when I was 18, though I had good reasons and I was young etc.....I ope someone wouldnt bare a grudge over it! I wouldn't do it again.


    what was the reason?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would, but then again I don't give every potential partner a 76 multiple choice question quiz with followed by writing an essay on 3 of the 5 following topics so I really wouldn't know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am sorry but i would not date a cheater! my ex told me she never cheated but she basically did when she wasnt happy with a relationship she woudl cheat but she didnt consider it cheating...she did it to me she had bad communication skills and a mental probally possible borderline personality disorder...where they like to be the victim even though she was never diagnosed she had the signs...love of drama, sympathy and painting someone black.

    dont get mad at people who dont wanna date a cheater that person who cheated should of not cheated anyway what can you blame people who wanna stay clear and not make the same mistake of giving a cheat a chance again?

    if you wanna date a cheat go ahead no one stopping you but dont try to convince those who dont wanna date a cheater to give them a chance lol.

    just my 2 cents
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sometimes people cheat when theyre young and stupid though :angel:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i would, assuming they werent cheating on someone to be with me.
    People learn from mistakes (sometimes) and circumstances change.

    I've cheated on girls in the past but i wouldnt dream of doing it to the girl im with now, i love her to bits and wouldnt want to hurt her. The past girls though i just didnt really give a shit about...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    sometimes people cheat when theyre young and stupid though :angel:

    :yes:
    I i know she is prone to do it again.

    How do you know that? Not saying what she did is right or anything, but she could've had a reason to cheat on him...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    possibly, but id have to be there having this whole thing happen to me before i could even start to hypothesise about it
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm laid back about almost everything, opinions attitudes each ot their own, I know someone who was/is incestuous, heck I went out with them for a while, but Two-timing Is one of the few things that I cannot stand, Obviously it would be circumstancial, but most likely no.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Barbie1406 wrote:
    I'm laid back about almost everything, opinions attitudes each ot their own, I know someone who was/is incestuous, heck I went out with them for a while, but Two-timing Is one of the few things that I cannot stand, Obviously it would be circumstancial, but most likely no.


    wow what do you mean by that incestous are they having sex with there family?

    thats gross why get involved with someone like that
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im sure theres people who learn from cheating, and people who havent cheated yet but may cheat in the future (works both ways), but if i was interested in someone who i found out cheated in the past, i'd steer clear. Just the way i am, cant help it, would put me off them big style.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote:
    :yes:

    How do you know that? Not saying what she did is right or anything, but she could've had a reason to cheat on him...

    She is one of my best friends.
    She is neither young or stupid.
    And she told me why she cheated on him.

    I know that the underlaying reason for her cheating is that she doesn't trust men as far as she can throw em, she's been burnt a few times. Fair enough.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    migpilot wrote:
    She is one of my best friends.
    She is neither young or stupid.
    And she told me why she cheated on him.

    I know that the underlaying reason for her cheating is that she doesn't trust men as far as she can throw em, she's been burnt a few times. Fair enough.

    ya women like thta will cheat they are weakminded.

    most guys cheat cause well they get tempted by other women and alot of men are weak when it comes tot he poon.

    my ex had a guy who was with her for 3 years in highschool and she wanted to wait to have sex tilll marriage and he cheated on her with some girl close to him, and then she got in relationship with a guy she lost her virginity too but was being cold to her...i thought icould save her and show her im not like thoe guys i even told her never make your new guy pay for another mans sins...it was too late such a shame she became a dime a dozen gal now...she never trusted me and she has issues its a shame cause i tried and god knows i did but no matter what i said...the women around her would manipulate her and say all men ard dogs, and they knew she was cheated on before...i cant stand thoe kinda friends...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Snerd wrote:
    most guys cheat cause well they get tempted by other women and alot of men are weak when it comes tot he poon.

    So you're saying it's a woman's fault a man cheats?:rolleyes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've cheated on people in the past just because I thought it would be amusing and I was not that bothered about their feelings etc. I've also had commited relationships where I wouldn't dream of cheating on that person, the thought wouldn't even enter my head. So for me, it depends on how I care about them and what I want from the relationship as to whether I'd cheat on them or not.
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