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How to stop arguing

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Now 90% of the day me and my gf have a great relationship, we get on great, love being in each others company and make each other feel special.
Theres a problem though. at night we tend to argue over everything!
We don't even need to have reason it seems and arguements have stemmed from all kinds of silly things that dont even matter or make sense in the morning.
Now this wouldnt be so much of a problem for me because i have quite a fiesty personality and sometimes enjoy arguing but she on the other hand gets upset quite easily but hides it well and takes a lot of things to heart.
I tend to say a lot of things i dont mean in arguements and regret saying them later but as i say she takes a lot to heart so i really want all this to stop because its really starting to damage the relationship!

I dont think its tiredness that is causing the problem because im a lot more tired in the mornings but we get along fine then.
It could be her being tired because shes much more of a morning person compared to my night owl personality but even then that doesnt make sence because its normally me that starts off the arguements.

I dont mean to do it, just little things she does can annoy me sometimes and i end up snapping at her, either that or she will make a catty comment directed at me to which i'll respond.

But how do we stop this? I've really run out of answers. :banghead:

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hahaha holy shit, i have the same thing. Food plays a big role in my mood. are you well fed? :D
    My girl and i are both really stubborn, so stupid little fights like that turn into big fights, it's terrible. I've just swallowed my pride for most of them. I've told her, look, I don't want to fight about this, lets watch a tv show together or something. It sounds like she doesn't like fighting either, so if it's over something stupid, i'm sure she'll back down. If you need to get out your arguing, PM me, we can argue ;)
    Communication is what sets us humans apart, use it my friend.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've had that problem before, and every now and again it crops back up again, we found that it was definately caused by tiredness, as he gets up at 4.30am for work, so by 9pm, he's very quite tired- which is understandable. Also we found that stress was a factor, I get stressed quite easily, and that effects him.
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    icey wrote:
    Theres a problem though. at night we tend to argue over everything!
    We don't even need to have reason it seems and arguements have stemmed from all kinds of silly things that dont even matter or make sense in the morning.

    Why is it that we insult/disrespect our girlfriends/boyfriends in a way that we wouldn't speak to anyone else? Because we can get away with it... But can we really? As it seems you've started to realise, it can start to ware you down.

    Perhaps try and focus on the benefits of avoiding these 'petty' arguments and use that as a motivator for stopping yourself initiating them...

    They could be:

    You will respect yourself more
    Your girlfriend will feel less grouchy
    You won't feel as guilty
    You will spend less time saying sorry
    You will have more fun together.

    If it feels like an argument is starting, perhaps try and make your girlfriend laugh - turn the argument on it's head so that you can both see how ridiculous it is. Also, do try and talk about it in the morning if possible - when it's fresh you might have more chance of working out why it happened.

    Obviously arguments are important in a relationship - sometimes they're needed to clear the air or discuss something important, but it's important to try and find a balance. Have a look at TheSite's guide to surviving rows here.

    Hope this helps ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks everyone, good advice!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How much time do you spend together? Couples aregue a l lot when they spend too much time together.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You should look at it from a different point of view, mate.
    There's one thing about arguin that is alway good - and that's making up.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    All couples argue, but the ones who get on best just know how best to pick their battles. Everytime there's a strained moment and you feel like you might snap, try to think 'is it worth it?'. Tell her to do the same.

    95% of the time it really isn't. And if you can stop yourself snapping over little things, when you really do think you're justified, she just might respect that a little more.
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