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What to say ?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Well what to say indeed ?

As you can obviously see i'm not dead. Now before i get into this let me make 2 things extremely clear.

1. I'm not looking for any kind of forgiveness/hugs/welcoming back in a blaze of glory.

2. I truly and honestly apologise for the real grief that i caused people so many years ago. I was a complete and utter s**t for what i led you to believe i did, and for what i said to people at the time.

As you know, i took an overdose nearly 4 years ago. That much is true, didn't die from it, though did make myself exceptionally ill. Things were seriously getting on top of me, and not in a good way. I bear no grudge or malice to the people i insulted, p****d off etc and i hope, if things go well, we can start over again with a clean slate.
I ended up being sectioned in a psychiatric hospital for nealry 9 months because of it and it wasn't much fun to be honest. To say i was totally f***** up, is to put it eceedingly mildly.

Anyway, a lots happened since then. I'm still HIV+ surprise surprise :) My depression has decided to change itself from retroactive biological to good ol' fashioned manic. Which, i'm, led to believe is great fun when i'm upand pretty f*****g crap when i'm down.
Still on a ton of medication (i take drugs for the HIV now as well), though have managed to cure my alcoholism which has been a great step forward for me. I've moved out of my dingy, one bedroom little hell hole (which i managed to smash up on a regular basis with the help of count Smirnoff) and found myself a partner, Leigh. A big sexy bugger with a penchant for the saucier things in life :D

I've popped in now and again to see what's been going on and it was a thread started a few days ago by someone called, i think, Mokato, about me that got me to wondering about coming back.

So what do we do from here ? I really don't know. It's a bit like when you've had a row with your best friend ( a bloody big one in this case ) and they're in the wrong and you're walking round each other after the event, nobody really not quite knowing what to say or do and being worried you'll do the wrong thing. I don't know where this is going to lead, but hey, i think i've done the right thing.

I'll close in saying that once again, i'm truly sorry for the hurt i've caused

Kevvy XxX
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm speechless.

    But ... hi?!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well welcome back, though you left before I came along, I'm sure those people who missed you will appreciate the fact that you're doing better now.

    I'm in no way justifying what might come next but I'm sure you can understand that this might be a pretty fucking rough journey over the next few days.

    Hopefully everyone can bear in mind that this wasn't something you did to cause offence, and be grateful that you have come back, thanks for having the courage to be honest about that - you could after all have taken the easy option and simply signed up with a new account.

    So... hi :wave:
  • JsTJsT TheSite Graduate Posts: 18,265 Incredible Poster
    Erm....woah.

    Bit of a shock would be a bit of an understatement. A complete headfuck would be more accurate.

    I'm pretty lost for words in fact. Erm, I'm glad your not dead for a start, and that your doing OK :)

    I really can't actually think of anything to put - welcome back I suppose?
  • JsTJsT TheSite Graduate Posts: 18,265 Incredible Poster
    Jim V wrote:
    I'm in no way justifying what might come next but I'm sure you can understand that this might be a pretty fucking rough journey over the next few days.

    Hah, thats one way of putting it Sir Jim :nervous:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jim V wrote:
    I'm in no way justifying what might come next but I'm sure you can understand that this might be a pretty fucking rough journey over the next few days.

    Indeed. But i'm a stronger person now and can ( i hope ) take what people wish to throw at me. I went through a lot and made other people suffer as a result, which is not a thing to be proud of. I sincerely hope people will remember me for what i was and still am and threrefore be able to forgive me for what i've put them through.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't know but judging by older posters i'd say waooo, i'd say skive will have something to say as he's one of the 'old' posters..

    Glad to hear you still ok.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    OMG! it's the resurection shuffle!!!!
    i hope this isn't some bastard taking the piss.
    if that realy is you ya fucking big queen of tarts then ...a big welcome back.
    good job for you that beckyboo left this place cos she'd probably fucking stab you.
    welcome home ...it's nice welcoming such a guy as you back from the dead ...theres no more following behind i hope.:nervous:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    a legend returns ...it realy had better be the real deal this cos if your a fucking troll walking on rubbers grave ...you'll be hunted down and ...and ...killed all over again ok!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ottodeaddiscowt3.jpg
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's definately the same account, the reason for returning seems to make sense and that sure reads like a genuine post
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jim V wrote:
    It's definately the same account, the reason for returning seems to make sense and that sure reads like a genuine post
    thanx for the confirmation Jim.
  • JsTJsT TheSite Graduate Posts: 18,265 Incredible Poster
    Jim V wrote:
    It's definately the same account, the reason for returning seems to make sense and that sure reads like a genuine post
    Cheers Jim.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wow. Hi. Gonna stick around?

    Is it weird to see people where were here 4 years ago still here :p

    Holy fuck, I"ve been here four years :\

    It would be so cool. I was only uber new when you left, but you were always good to talk to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :crazyeyes :o:D:confused:
    :shocking: :shocking: :wave: :banghead: :lol::(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :crazyeyes
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The big muscley steve came in the next day and shared the tragic loss, was he in on it? Was it you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well i wasnt here when you was posting, so no grudge from me but ive heard a lot about you. so welcome back.
    i cant wait for the others to read this and see their reaction!
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    I'm one more (of the many) that weren't around when you... left (though it seems we were both here at some time, I had the name Zalbor) but based on what the others say, you're one whose posts are worth reading. If you're going to stick around, I guess I'll find out for myself (all this assuming it is the real you).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    For fucks sake :eek: :eek:
    Back from the dead!! :wave:
    This is a bit fucking weird.
    Well Hi Kevvy, I used to be Rainbow Brite.
    Im glad youre not dead obviously, this feels bloody weird though. Im glad youve managed to get parts of your life sorted and found someone to share it with. Thats really great for you.

    Glad youre back, although feel a bit weird that we were all lied to, but can kind of understand why you might have done it, considering your mental state at the time.

    Welcome back :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my_name wrote:
    The big muscley steve came in the next day and shared the tragic loss, was he in on it? Was it you?

    No he wasn't. That was me. Without wishing to drag up old history, there was an incident on here and the words camel and straw spring to mind. It isn't this person's fault that i did what i did, it was just the little push i needed to get the whole messy ball rolling. I was getting too involved with this place and it was becoming my life and was taking on a weird pseudo-reality.

    At the time i was on an exceedingly low ebb, and had recently started to have a crack at alcoholism (i know this all sounds like excuses, but they're reasons) and needed to leave this place in a way that i couldn't return later. Well that's how me noggin was behaving at the time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    woah :shocking:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Shit...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi and welcome back :wave:

    How come have you been hiding for so long?

    Don't know you, but heard the story, glad you're still alive...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fucking hell! Er...welcome back...and in the future you know a simple 'i'm taking some time out' works just fine :p

    But then again if your going to do these things you might as well do them in style and I gotta give you credit for that mate ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I so knew this would happen one day.

    I understand you had problems and everything but you made a lot of people sad. Don't think most of them are on here anymore though.

    Welcome back anyway.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    LacyMay wrote:
    I so knew this would happen one day.

    I understand you had problems and everything but you made a lot of people sad. Don't think most of them are on here anymore though.

    Welcome back anyway.

    Aye that be true. There were like memorial threads and stuff.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    LacyMay wrote:
    I so knew this would happen one day.

    I understand you had problems and everything but you made a lot of people sad. Don't think most of them are on here anymore though.

    Welcome back anyway.

    Aye, me too. Always smelt a miniature rat, but didn't want to be insensitive, you know?

    That said, everyone ballses up now and again, on a lesser or grander scale, and I do have respect for people who are honest about what they've done and take responsibility for their mistakes.

    So yeah. Welcome back :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ...and on the plus side he's alive and all that ... :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jon_UK wrote:
    ...and on the plus side he's alive and all that ... :p

    Which is great. But a lot of people actually grieved for him. It wasn't like people just went oh hes dead lets just forget about it. Some people might be a bit hurt tis all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was pretty new when you left, so you won't remember me, but I remember you.

    Welcome back.
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