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Boyfriend probs

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Well as some of you may know I have recently moved to Derby to be with my boyfriend but all is not peachy. Since Sunday we have been arguing and not really talking to each other.

The reason we are arguging is becuase since i have moved down (2 months ago) I feel that my boyfriend hasn't appreciated what I have done for him. Also he never takes me any where or make any effort to do anything when we are together and its really annoying me. Some of you might think its a stupid reason. I have told him how i feel but then he makes out that he is the victom but he isn't. I have given up everything for him my friends, family and a good job and he just doesn't seem bothered. I don't know what to do. Sorry if this makes no sense really upset at the moment and my head is all over the place. Help someone!
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How long have you been together? Whos idea was it that you move down to Derby?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We have been together 3 and a half years and we both agreed that I should move to Derby. He doesn't like where I live and I love it down here. Even if we split up then I would stay here as I am getting settled and making new friends and about to start a new job.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    maybe he's still adjusting because going from LDR to a usual distance relationship is quite a big change.
    Is there anything stopping him? i.e money? Have you asked him why?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Money isn't an issue he is just being boring. I know its a big change but its an even bigger change for me. He still live swith his family and has his mates around him. He doesn't have to deal with leaving everyone at home and moving out for the very first time like I have to. I just feel really un appreciated and that he doesn't really care that I have moved from him.

    I have asked him why but all he says is that he can never think of things to do and we can't go out for meals becuase he is really fussy and won't eat much food becuase he doesn't like it even though he never tries things. Sorry you prob think this is really petty.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well from your last reply, it seems that he's already trying to explain why he doesn't want to go out.

    1) He can't think of what to do.
    O So why not try and organise something?
    O See a film
    O Go for a walk
    O Make a list and get him to choose something

    2) He's a fussy eater
    O Why not ask him what he'd like to eat, and cook/order it in.
    O Or go for a picnic when its sunny again

    I think part of the problem is, you're annoyed with him not doing things with you and slowly by thinking about this all the time, it may get exaggerated in your mind. But then again, I dont really know your situation, its just a possibility.

    I think if you keeping holding the fact that you moved for him, that's going to put a real strain on your relationship. Think of it as "I moved for us"
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It isn't petty.

    Maybe you can make the first move. The weather is pretty nice. Is there a beach near Derby? Preferably with sand. That might de-stress you both and you can bond by err making sandcastles :p

    I recently went to the beach with my boyfriend. At the time I was stressed out and getting narked with him but just being in a different more relaxed environment works wonders.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Right just to sort this out I always suggest doing things, like on Sunday he was moaning he was bored and whatever I suggest we could do he didn't want to do. Eventually we went out for a walk but we came back 1/2 hour later becuase he looked miserable. I am fed up always having to suggest things to do.

    Also him being fussy is really bad all he will eat is burger, sausages, chips, meatballs and rubbish. His idea of taking me out for a meal is going to Mcds.

    Also if we ever did go out he never makes an effort in his apperience. He would just go anywhere in a tshirt and tracky bottoms and trainers (he isn'ta chav btw) His personal hygene is very poor aswell. I have to moan at him to shave and go for a wash and things and does my head in.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ~kaz~ wrote:
    Also him being fussy is really bad all he will eat is burger, sausages, chips, meatballs and rubbish. His idea of taking me out for a meal is going to Mcds.
    My other half is a really fussy eater too but we eat out quite often, we go to places like Brewers Fayres, Frankie & Bennys etc where you get boring food like fish & chips for him and fancy stuff for me :D

    If you try places like that he might see that eating out isnt that bad and get more interested in doing it.

    What do you have in common?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We don't really have much in common. We sometimes like the same films. We don't like the same music as each other. He doesn't drink and doesn't come out drinking or clubbing or anything. He is really into his computers and I amn't so basically we don't really have anything in common.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ~kaz~ wrote:
    We don't really have much in common. We sometimes like the same films. We don't like the same music as each other. He doesn't drink and doesn't come out drinking or clubbing or anything. He is really into his computers and I amn't so basically we don't really have anything in common.
    Are you happy to be in a relationship like that? Me and mine didnt have much in common either when we first started going out but we've since found new things that we can both enjoy together.

    It just seems like it's you who's making all the effort and that's not fair, a relationship is meant to be a two way street, he needs to start pulling his weight.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't mind that won't have much in common. I would love us to try new things together. It is me who is making all the effort and that is what is bugging me. The problem is even occuring in our sex life. Its becoming very boring and repetative and its me who makes the effort to spice it up he just says he can't think of anything and that is that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You need to tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him that you would like him to make more of and effort (or tell him you both need to make more of an effort even though thats not technically true).
    Tell him would like to do more and would like to feel that he is putting as much effort into this relationship as you are as otherwise it won't work.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have told him all this before and he just doesn't seem to listen.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ask him if he's bothered that he's risking losing you - sometimes people assume that their partner will stick around no matter what
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Might try that. But at the moment I amn't speaking to him and I want him to make the first move. Not sure if that is a good or bad idea.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ~kaz~ wrote:
    I have told him all this before and he just doesn't seem to listen.

    Perhaps you should tell him what will happen if things don't improve.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    and if that doesn't work?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Then you need to seriously consider if you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesnt give a damn.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I suppose but like other people who are considering breaking up a relationship there are those what ifs like what if I couldn't find anyone else. If we split up then I would feel like I had moved for nothing and that I don't really have much down here.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ~kaz~ wrote:
    I suppose but like other people who are considering breaking up a relationship there are those what ifs like what if I couldn't find anyone else. If we split up then I would feel like I had moved for nothing and that I don't really have much down here.
    Staying with someone because you're scared you might not meet anyone else is a bit rubbish, how would you feel if the roles were reversed?

    As for not having much in Derby, you said this a few posts up :confused:
    ~kaz~ wrote:
    Even if we split up then I would stay here as I am getting settled and making new friends and about to start a new job.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I know but I am still trying to build my life here if you get what I mean everything is still so new. I know I shouldn't stay with osmeone becuase I am scared I wouldn't meet anyone else but everyone feels like that don't they/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with what Shaz said. I know it would be hard but do you really want to live a life you aren't happy with?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know I know. I will give him time to stew atm and when he gets in touch with me he might have had time to think about what I have said to him and if not we will talk it over and then if he doesn't change in say like a month or so then I will have to rethink our relationship. Thanks for all your help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't leave it 6 years like i did:no:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tweety wrote:
    Don't leave it 6 years like i did:no:

    I won't I will give him 2 months max and if no change then its over.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Has he always behaved like this? Because if so, you shouldnt be with him; its who he is

    If he used to be different, make more of an effort etc, then you need to talk to him and get to the bottom of why he doesnt any more.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He has kind of always been like this but it wasn't that bad at the begining its now much much worse.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Make sure that you're getting through to him properly, so that he understands how serious this is to you. Because, well, us blokes are a bit crap at listening tbh. And if he still doesn't improve ...
    ~kaz~ wrote:
    I have to moan at him to shave and go for a wash and things and does my head in.

    Is he twelve?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    are you sure he's not depressed or anything? is he having any problems?
    if not then he's just an idle arse tbh
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Make sure that you're getting through to him properly, so that he understands how serious this is to you. Because, well, us blokes are a bit crap at listening tbh. And if he still doesn't improve ...



    Is he twelve?


    I know I am sorry but he is 21 and he is just lazy.
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