If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
I've failed my second year..
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
and it's really getting me down.
Basically I didn't work as hard as I could have and with the tutors strike and all I didn't get the support I needed to finish off and pass. So now I have to repeat the year. My parents live in Thailand and I've told my mum and as my "punishment" I have to fly out to Thailand and tell him face to face.
She won't let me talk to him on the phone and I can't even e-mail him, so I have to spend even more of his money to tell him that I need more money. And I feel like crap.
I know the worst he can do is shout a bit and be
but it's really getting on top of me. I'm feeling like ...crap. I've spoken to my brother and he's basically said to me
"If you didn't want to go this Thursday, you could go next Tuesday (11th) for the same fare.
Also, as I mentioned on the phone, if you do feel you can't afford the time away (for various reasons) and wanted to save Dad some money,
why don't you call him and tell him yourself about your situation at Uni.
One point to remember, he will ask if everyone failed year 2 because of the tutor's strike - I'm pretty sure that wasn't the case.
So be bold and take on the responsibility of your actions, the worst he'll do is shout a bit."
I want to go and tell him but I'm so fucking scared, they've put so much pressure on me and I'm always letting them down and when I try and explain to them that I've got issues, I feel to much pressure they call me pathetic.
Add to that my mother is emotionally blackmailing me, saying I need to stay for a whole month (as opposed to the two weeks I can get off work before being sacked and missing my boyfriend's 21st birthday) and that the guilt is eating her up yadda yadda.
I admit I didn't work as hard as I could have done, but a quarter of my class has failed, 15 people out of 40 (that are left) and only 5 of us are allowed to repeat the year due to oversubscription. I mean doing this I can actually improve my final year grade and yes it will cost money but the money I get for rent and to pay my fees my dad actually gets most of it back due to his job.
I've been getting really low and I've been willing random buses to mount the pavement and run me over (I don't really want to die but I just can't be bothered with the hassle if you understand the logic).
Meh, dunno what to do.
Besides if I go over there, tell him in the first couple of days and then he gets angry then I have to live with it for the remainder of the time I'm there.
*sighs*
I'd love to be financially independent of them but sadly due to my dad's job and the earnings he gets there's no way in hell I could live off my student loan. I get like the bare minimum plus no help with support and my rent is more than that anyway.....
Basically I didn't work as hard as I could have and with the tutors strike and all I didn't get the support I needed to finish off and pass. So now I have to repeat the year. My parents live in Thailand and I've told my mum and as my "punishment" I have to fly out to Thailand and tell him face to face.
She won't let me talk to him on the phone and I can't even e-mail him, so I have to spend even more of his money to tell him that I need more money. And I feel like crap.
I know the worst he can do is shout a bit and be
but it's really getting on top of me. I'm feeling like ...crap. I've spoken to my brother and he's basically said to me"If you didn't want to go this Thursday, you could go next Tuesday (11th) for the same fare.
Also, as I mentioned on the phone, if you do feel you can't afford the time away (for various reasons) and wanted to save Dad some money,
why don't you call him and tell him yourself about your situation at Uni.
One point to remember, he will ask if everyone failed year 2 because of the tutor's strike - I'm pretty sure that wasn't the case.
So be bold and take on the responsibility of your actions, the worst he'll do is shout a bit."
I want to go and tell him but I'm so fucking scared, they've put so much pressure on me and I'm always letting them down and when I try and explain to them that I've got issues, I feel to much pressure they call me pathetic.
Add to that my mother is emotionally blackmailing me, saying I need to stay for a whole month (as opposed to the two weeks I can get off work before being sacked and missing my boyfriend's 21st birthday) and that the guilt is eating her up yadda yadda.
I admit I didn't work as hard as I could have done, but a quarter of my class has failed, 15 people out of 40 (that are left) and only 5 of us are allowed to repeat the year due to oversubscription. I mean doing this I can actually improve my final year grade and yes it will cost money but the money I get for rent and to pay my fees my dad actually gets most of it back due to his job.
I've been getting really low and I've been willing random buses to mount the pavement and run me over (I don't really want to die but I just can't be bothered with the hassle if you understand the logic).
Meh, dunno what to do.
Besides if I go over there, tell him in the first couple of days and then he gets angry then I have to live with it for the remainder of the time I'm there.
*sighs*
I'd love to be financially independent of them but sadly due to my dad's job and the earnings he gets there's no way in hell I could live off my student loan. I get like the bare minimum plus no help with support and my rent is more than that anyway.....
Post edited by JustV on
0
Comments
So you failed, so what? You get to repeat the year and you've been given the chance to imprive. Lots of people fail, and your parents need to get over it.
Why does your mum feel that you need to be punished?! I would refuse to go to Thailand if i didnt want to.
Whats the worst your parents can do? Just tell them that you have failed, een given another chance and that if they dont want to help you with costs then they dont have to, because in all honesty you dont need their money in order to get by at uni; get yourself a full time job over the summer, have you got accommodation sorted? Register with the student loans at that address, and tick the boxes that say you live independant of your parents, so that they dont take your parents earnings into it. This way you will get the maximum loan available for you. And your tuition fees would get paid.
Then, if thats not enough, unis have bursaries and things for students that cant afford to live, you would be entitled to these surely if living independantly of your parents.Your in your second year so should have enough time for a part time job (even if its only 8 hours a week its going to help)
Sorry if i seem harsh, but i just wouldnt stand for that sort of treatment off anyone: let alone my parents. Its completely out of order.
My parents have sort of brought me up to feel very guilty about everything and I mean, people fail but for some reason I'm not allowed to.
Also because my dad's quite old (nearly 66) he makes it out that he can't retire because they have to support me when I know very well if I wasn't at university etc he'd refuse to retire.
ARGH it makes me so angry. I feel like when I see them that I shouldn't even feel guilty and be like "Well, I failed the year and have to resit it. Sorry, but it's not like I haven't tried. FFS" but they always seem to think that I'm really lazy and that I'm doing it to spite them.
*Sigh* thanks for the advice though hun. I'm still going to over there, I want a holiday and I can tell my dad adn then I'll get rid of all this pressure. And the worst that can happen is he's
They have no right to make you fee guilty!
I'd walk away to be honest if my dad was shouting at me for something like that. Theres no need for you to feel guilty.
Good luck!
I'm sorry for sounding insensitive, and I don't know you from Larry, nor do I know about your problems, but if your parents are good enough to send you to a decent university and pay for it, then the least you could do would be to work for it. If you had problems which were causing you to be failing, then you should have spoken to your department, student advisor, student support services etc. It's not like there aren't any services out there to help students who feel like they can't cope. Fair enough most people (me included) don't start essays until a week before they're due, but they get done. Uni isn't all parties and drinking (or whatever), you actually have to work at it. I'm sorry, but from what you've written it sounds like you want your parents to be like:
'Aw, don't worry about failing and adding another year of debt just because you didn't work hard enough. We'll gladly support you until you decide to make an effort'
And saying that 25% of the course failed isn't an excuse as to why you failed. University is generally an independant endeavour. What other people do has no bearing on what you do, or get. Saying that other people failed sounds like you are tying to justify your failing in someway.
I realise I'm being harsh on you here (and will probably be flamed), but all I can hear from your post is pointless self-pitying and you want people to feel sorry for you. I received no help from my parents for uni (nor do many), had to work all weekend and all holidays, had the usual late adolescent problems, but still managed to get through not only an undergraduate, but a masters and a third of the way through a PhD. Sounds to me like you need to 'man up' and start taking some responsibility for your action. Fair enough you want to be 'independant' from your parents, but it seems like they are willing to go the distance with you, the least you can do is apply yourself. Yes, you're not the only person to have failed, but failing isn't generally a very good thing to be aiming for. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it's the way I see it.
What's done is done but the future's up to you.
Good luck!
PS - I can think of worse places to get a bollocking
I've also had some time to reassess myself, where my weaknesses are etc. I've realised going over my past assignments and stuff that I am getting the course I just need to learn to process things a little better...and possibly do the work a bit earlier and get the library several weeks beforehand to get the books (Library is HORRENDOUSLY low on the texts....50 people going after 3 books?)
And my dad said to me that in the end, they do get the money back as per his contract and it's still cheaper than my sister's wedding lol.