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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You know him better than anyone else but think it through rationally before running in and starting something again. I dont know why he finished things before, but whatever caused that must be resolved. You know what he's like and what his situation is, so think things through from his perspective and think what he's really looking for.

    He may well be genuine and realised how important you are to him and couldnt get over you. If thats the case and he can explain his actions then its your decision if you really want him back.

    Another possibility is that he is the type who just needs to be with someone and is going through a dry spell. He could just be using you to fill that gap until someone better comes along, knowing you still have feelings for him. Its pretty low and unfair to play with your feelings all over again but it happens too often.

    Dont take the easy option and jump straight in stand back, weigh it all up and then decide whats best for you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Definately be careful if you still have feelings for him. An ex of mine started texting me out of the blue for a while, I found it a bit odd. He started sending me incredibly mixed signals. We met up eventually for a drink and I found out he felt lonely. He was just looking for some attention it turned out. Pissed me off a bit, I now wouldnt consider him a real friend.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    TheCure wrote:
    Another possibility is that he is the type who just needs to be with someone and is going through a dry spell. He could just be using you to fill that gap until someone better comes along

    My ex did this for nearly a year after he broke up with me. He had quite a few flings and every time one of them finished, I'd hear all this "I miss you", "We shouldn't have broken up" stuff, but he never actually wanted to get back with me, he just wanted to feel that he could if he wanted to. I'm guessing your ex is the same, so if I were you I'd just ignore these texts - if he actually meant those things then he'd make more of an effort with you, but as it is I think he just wants you to tell him you miss him too, so he can be reassured that you're there as a safety net for him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think you can finish with someone even when you love them. you don't always break up becayse you've fallen out of love.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think you can finish with someone even when you love them. you don't always break up becayse you've fallen out of love.

    I don't understand that. If I love someone I would do anything to make it work.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like he's at a low ebb and needs an ego boost to me. Be careful!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    PussyKatty wrote:
    I don't understand that. If I love someone I would do anything to make it work.

    It's not that simple.
    I left my ex after 6 years. I still had feelings for him but i also hated him for what he did to me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    PussyKatty wrote:
    I don't understand that. If I love someone I would do anything to make it work.

    as tweety said it's really not that black and white.

    for example you might be in love with someone but not want to be with them.
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    TheCure wrote:

    He may well be genuine and realised how important you are to him and couldnt get over you. If thats the case and he can explain his actions then its your decision if you really want him back.

    Another possibility is that he is the type who just needs to be with someone and is going through a dry spell. He could just be using you to fill that gap until someone better comes along, knowing you still have feelings for him. Its pretty low and unfair to play with your feelings all over again but it happens too often.

    Dont take the easy option and jump straight in stand back, weigh it all up and then decide whats best for you.

    :yes: I think this sums up the potential explanations pretty well. Staying friends with an ex on any level can be tricky and possibly heart breaking depending on the way it's approached. I think you're right to question the way that your ex is using the word 'love'. I know it's a cliche, but actions speak louder than words and if you don't feel 'loved' then it's only fair to question what he is trying to say to you. Many people talk about the difference between 'loving someone' and 'being in love' with someone and in your case this could be the distinction your ex is making - whether he is honest about that or not is another issue I guess.

    Overall, try and remember that you deserve to be as happy as anybody, and it sounds as if this whole situation is really getting you down. Perhaps try and arrange a time to see him/talk to him properly - only then do I think you will really be able to work out what his intentions are.

    Take care of yourself *hugs*
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