body angst and new partners

Former Member · July 2006

Its preventing me getting close to someone, and quite frankly doing my head in! Im always on guard and having to stop things from happening, just so that i dont get seen! It may sound sad to other people, but thats how little i think of it.

Im not wanting to be able to walk around in public naked and be completely confident or anything extravagent, i just want to be able to be seen by someone im close to without feeling disgusted, embaressed, and having to cover myself up thus completely ruining the mood/moment. Its restricting things that i want to happen.

Im just not sure how to get over it. I cant just start "liking" it, because i hate it! I dont feel like i'd like it unless i could change it first

So if anyone has any advice that'd be ace :thumb:

Former Member · July 2006

Is this just with a new partner, or do you get this with all partners? You could try telling your partner about it, in case you were worried they were wondering why you were being a bit cagey. And tbh, no one else will notice the things about your body that you will. People are always much more critical of themselves than anyone else. Just remember it's just a body, everybody's got one! And I'm sure he'll just be happy to have you there, whatever shape body you have!

Former Member · July 2006

If you let them lead then its clear they want to see whatever they are exposing, its a massive compliment!

Former Member · July 2006

may sound silly,butmaybe doing things in dim light. sets a nice mood, and also flatters any not so nice bits. Worked for my wobbly bum, lol, until i got more used to it.

Former Member · July 2006

Scary Monster wrote:

If you let them lead then its clear they want to see whatever they are exposing, its a massive compliment!

yeh but what if they expose bits and decide they find that bit dissapointing

also im not keen on letting him do all the leading..

Former Member · July 2006

If you hate a particular part of your body and you trust him then you could share it with him..bringing you two closer.

If you're a prude like me then he'll just have to accept it. :P

Former Member · July 2006

If he's into you, he isnt going to care. I was exactly the same, but because I know he doesnt mind - likes it even, it makes me feel better

Former Member · July 2006

In truth there's nothing anyone can say that will give you body confidence in a relationship, you either have it or don't (but I'm pretty sure almost everyone doesn't... or at least not a huge amount of it). I suppose you just have to trust that, like Scary Monster said, they want to see the parts they're exploring. I would imagine that in a lot of cases the excitement of discovering new territory would override any thoughts they might have about imperfections etc.

I felt this was for a long time; but I think I've come to realise that by the time you're stripping down with a new fella they're usually a little too... er, preoccupied to be noticing the lumps and bumps etc that you're cringing about. Try and relax and remember that, though I know it's a lot easier said than done

Former Member · July 2006

this was a HUGE deal for me, even the thought of someone new seeing my post-childbirth body made me feel really panicky.
I didnt know how id be able to do it tbh.
In the end we talked about my fears before we even did anything, He reassured me that he wasnt that shallow, and that he had scars he was embarrassed about too. It was kind of reassuring.
When it came down to it, I neednt have worried. It still took a bit of time before i was truly ok and didnt try and hide myself, and now i dont get embarrassed at all.

Former Member · July 2006

Just relax, it can sometimes be as bigger deal for a guy as it is a girl. You will probablly find over time you will feel less inhibited as you spend more time naked around someone else. Im just an average looking guy and I used to worry about what girls first thought when they saw me naked. I was a little shy, nowdays im happy to show off what i have as i've realised i've nothing to be shy about compared to most other guys.

The fact is if someone didnt fancy you they wouldnt be there in the first place, a guy has a pretty good idea what a girl is going to look like without her clothes on and has already decided he fancies her by the time they get to the bedroom. In my experience people who are 90% perfect worry about the little faults that make up the last 10% that they only see themselves. I think one of the best looking girls I ever slept with was the most shy in showing her body and she was perfect to me. There are plenty of people who have hardly been blessed at all who are totally uninhibited and probably enjoy themselves far more than those far better looking than themselves. Whatever you have enjoy it and forget what you look like and enjoy your partner and the moment.

Former Member · July 2006

Blah wrote:

yeh but what if they expose bits and decide they find that bit dissapointing

That's really not how a bloke's mind works. He's just thinking how fantastic it is that you're naked in front of him. He's not thinking I wish those boobs were a little bigger/smaller/more pert whatever. He's just thinking boobs. Brilliant!!!

Former Member · July 2006

I think Jack has got it right in his comment...

My girlfriend had a scar around that area that she was deeply embarressed about...The way she had described it I was expecting it to be grossly misformed and a different colour... but soon as she got naked... my mind went to "WOOOOOOOOO NAKEE!!!" and didn't even notice any scars til she pointed them out too me :P

Just think of it this way:

1) your guy is most likely gonna be thinking along the lines of "Wooo, I'm gonna get some"...
2) he probably is also thinking "Aww, balls, hope she doesn't notice my love handles..."
3) If he does dump you for any scars you have then balls to him, he obviously didn't like you that much..

Former Member · July 2006

i used to be like that. at first i tried doing everything in the dark or in dim light that way it was more intimate but at the same time i was hiding my body....then i met my current boyfriend, and i told him about it and he has helped me a lot. if they care about you, then they'll understand. now, i have no problem running around the house naked in front of him...haha...that's another thing, try hanging out in your room naked, or just wherever, by yourself....before i could be comfortable with my body in front of my BF, i had to become comfortable with it by myself. did that make sense? i hope so.

Former Member · July 2006

TheCure wrote:

The fact is if someone didnt fancy you they wouldnt be there in the first place, a guy has a pretty good idea what a girl is going to look like without her clothes on and has already decided he fancies her by the time they get to the bedroom.

Is that not part of the problem though? The fact that you can hide the bits you don't like, so that the other person only sees the best bits? And then when you see each other completely naked, there's the idea that you're gonna be somehow worse than the other person imagined?

All rubbish of course. The important thing to remember is that all that shit going on in your head? The exact same amount of shit will be going on in his head about how he's going to perform, as well as how attractive you're gonna find him.

Former Member · July 2006

i think if youre really body conscious its probably more important than ever to only sleep with people that you really know and trust first, or at least have some idea theyre not a cunt.

Former Member · July 2006

Former Member · July 2006

sophia wrote:

Do men worry about it too?

Some do, some don't. I guess with men, we're more likely to be worrying about performance and that kind of thing rather than how we look naked, but that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of guys that do worry about how they look naked.

Former Member · July 2006

Former Member · July 2006

I dont understand all this stuff.

I can't remember the last time i looked properly at someones body when i was fucking them. I don't tend to inspect them beforehand. Unless someone just sits there and stares at you for half hour i wouldn't worry too much.

Former Member · July 2006

LacyMay wrote:

I dont understand all this stuff.

I can't remember the last time i looked properly at someones body when i was fucking them. I don't tend to inspect them beforehand. Unless someone just sits there and stares at you for half hour i wouldn't worry too much.

LOL, seriously, you didnt even look at them?

Former Member · July 2006

sophia wrote:

This is probably very good advice.

So just out of interest, is it something pretty much everybody worries about? Because I really, really worry about it, but I assumed that was down to me, and something to do with being a girl as well I suppose. Do men worry about it too?

I dunno. I didnt used to worry much when I was younger, but pregnancy left me with stretchmarks on my hips, and my boobs lost volume afterwards and i still hate them now, but i used to hate them so much, i felt like i was carrying around some hidden deformity. I was convinced anyone who saw them would be repulsed, or at the very best i could hope for was for them to just accept them and try not to look at them much. When it actually came down to it i was seriously surprised that not only did he "not mind them" he actually took delight in them.
I think that generally men dont expect you to be perfect any more than you expect a man to have a perfect sixpack and look like a male model.

Former Member · July 2006

SuzyCreamcheese wrote:

I think that generally men dont expect you to be perfect any more than you expect a man to have a perfect sixpack and look like a male model.

I have a 6 pack (more 8 really) and I look like a male model tho

I am very modest... yes...

Former Member · July 2006

thanks everyone, this has actually been alot of help

i still dont know how to get over it but there you go! i probably wont ever get over it..

Former Member · July 2006

i feel exactly the same way as you!! in fact, i think because im so paranoid about showing my body its the reason why most "relationships" ive been in have fallen flat after a very short period of time.
im just so self concious its unbelievable!
whenever someone compliments me on how i look, i automatically assume theyre taking the piss - i just cant take it seriously for some reason!

but yeah, the messages people have posted on here are actually very helpful

its a comfort to know that (some) men dont really care about wobbly bits etc when it comes down to doing the dirty! i always figured theyd be put off - but obviously not i guess!

Former Member · July 2006

nihilisticmadman wrote:

I have a 6 pack (more 8 really) and I look like a male model tho

I am very modest... yes...

oh get over yourself.

Former Member · July 2006

i don't know if this is much help but... im the kind of person who likes to just get things over with. so i just let him see me in all my naked glory and act confident about it and then thats it. done. he's seen me and he still wants me. so whats the point in worrying.

Former Member · July 2006

Former Member · July 2006

sophia wrote:

If I looked like you lipsy I'd be the same

well i have no idea what to say to that! and whatever i look like, it doesn't mean i don't have insecurities just like everyone else. the difference is, i concentrate on the good bits instead. i'd rather walk around naked and act confident than try to cover myself up all the time and be restricted. i think a guy would be more put off by that than a few lumps or bumps.

Former Member · July 2006

lipsy wrote:

well i have no idea what to say to that! and whatever i look like, it doesn't mean i don't have insecurities just like everyone else. the difference is, i concentrate on the good bits instead. i'd rather walk around naked and act confident than try to cover myself up all the time and be restricted. i think a guy would be more put off by that than a few lumps or bumps.

Think you have got it completely right there, pretty much the right answer to the whole thread IMO

Former Member · July 2006

SuzyCreamcheese wrote:

oh get over yourself.

Why do ya get over here yourself...

And just trying to be as modest as the Doc, but it's hard...

Haha...

Oh and yes, I am sorry, I love myself, I should really fell bad for that...

Former Member · July 2006

Yeah but you could have added to the thread if you wanted. You know you had insecurities too. You know how I felt too at the time.

body angst and new partners

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