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Not long left to live
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Well today my dad told me that my grandad has had a heart attack in hospital 
. He's been in hospital for about 2 months now and its just been a very gradual decline in his health. And well now this heart attack is kinda preparing the family for the worst now. Is a very bad turn. Obviously i'm really down about it but i guess we've all been expecting it and its a now the reality that he will probably die in the coming weeks thats hard to deal with.
How do you deal with something like that?
. He's been in hospital for about 2 months now and its just been a very gradual decline in his health. And well now this heart attack is kinda preparing the family for the worst now. Is a very bad turn. Obviously i'm really down about it but i guess we've all been expecting it and its a now the reality that he will probably die in the coming weeks thats hard to deal with.How do you deal with something like that?
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If theres anything you want to say to him then go and see him and say it because you might not get many chances by the sounds of it.
Main thing you have to remember is that sad as death can be, everyone has to die some time. Your Grandad is in a hospital being cared for, he is well looked after and has the love and support of his family and thats what matters at the end of the day.
I don't really know what to say but I would try to spend as much time with your grandad as you can. I went through the same thing with my gran and it's a horrible thing to deal with. You just have to try and keep yourself going and not feel guilty or bad about being upset.
It's shit advice but I tried to keep my self distracted so that I didn't think about it too much.
Thanks though.
Unfortunately, he's right.
My grandfather was ill for a long time and I have forgotten the number of times he was told "you have less than a month to live." However, he proved them all wrong and lasted nearly a year longer than expected. We all had to just carry on as normal and wait for the inevitable. It sucks big time. It really does.
Just make sure you are around people who care and love. Make sure you have an outlet to talk / cry / get frustrated / whatever. Even just venting on here. You *need* that support to get you through this. The waiting is crap as any ring of the phone you expect the worst but unfortunately you just have to keep going.
And remember to take care of yourself too.
i totally agree with littlemissy - make sure you surround yourself with the folks you love and reach out for support wherever you can get it - here, with your friends, anywhere.
it's a horrid situation and you honestly have my full empathy and sympathy too. just make sure you take care of yourself.
sometimes death can be a release for the person who is suffering, their pain and troubles will be over - knowing your grandad is being cared for and looked after is the best you can hope for, he'll be made comfortable and as pain free and safe as possible.
you take care of yourself, too
love from cavegirl
xx ((hugs)) xx
Sending loads of hugs! xx
I wasn't allowed to do this when my grandma was ill last year - something to do with the way of remembering her or something I think...
Im fine at the minute. Just my parents at the minute who are rushing round getting ready to fly off 2moz. Like my dad, whos dad it is, is taking his funeral stuff as apparently the doctors told him that they reckon he might not last the week. So me and my brother have to be ready to fly over there if that happens.
So yeah, it'll be rubbish, and you will hurt, but you just have to carry on. Concentrate on all the good memories you have with him, rather than the reality of new memories without him.
My Granny died when I was only 15, she'd had problems with her breathing and it ended up messing with her mind and she refused to speak to my Mam or Auntie or anybody else. Turned out I was the only one she'd talk to because I went up every single night to see her. One night she got really ill and I had to coax her to get into the ambulance. All the way to the hospital she kept taking her breathing mask off, and I had to try and just make sure she kept it on and stuff.
She got there OK, but her heart had packed in and she died three days later.
I'd say it was easier for me than it might be for you, because I was still young and naive enough to think she'd be OK and in a couple of days we'd hear when she was coming home etc.
As has been said, just take a deep breath, don't be scared to get upset, and just try and hang in there best you can.
There's not really any other advice than that.
now, which way is better? both for them and us... hm.. i could'nt reach the answer on that question...
however, there is one thing that is very important. when man is at the end of his days, he asks himself what he leaves us as his legacy. i'm not talking about material things here. if he brought up his children well, and made a decent man/woman of them, if he helped someone... if he was a good man during his life, then he is happy now. that thought must give you strenght in this moments...
p.s. sorry for my bad english.
Don't worry about your English
I guess the situation has been made abit easier as we've kinda been expecting this for some time. So when the time comes we can deal with it. It would be a whole lot worse if there was a phone call out of the blue saying he had died.
At the moment he doesn't really have any quality of life and at least in some way im glad he's in a hospital, he's comfortable and being cared for.
Is really sad, poor guy. He's fine in the head and all, just his body has had enough.
I have nothing more to add, only that when my grandfather died (who was also my Godfather) I was only 12 years old, and I wasn't allowed to go to the funeral since it was in another city and it would have been too much of a hassle to my mother I guess. Until today I wish my sentiments had been taken into account and had been allowed to go. Because funerals are important, they are sad but important because they are a ritual that help us accept what has happened and to say goobye and move on.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say - maybe that I think it is great you have the opportunity of going to Belfast if anything happens... and remember to follow your own wishes on this kind of thing: if you want to say or not say something, when do you want to get there, whatever.
Good thing your family is with you.
*a big hug*
well said icey
Thanks
My mum and dad have gone off now, will wait to hear from them tonight to see how he is. Can't really imagine what it must be like for my dad really, i mean when my grandad dies thats his parents gone. Guess something we will all have to go through at some stage.
Theres no improvement or anything. He can hear them and stuff but he can't open his eyes or anything. His kidneys have stopped working also. So not much to do really but wait to hear from them tomorrow and i guess just get on with things.
I had to visit my nan everyday for 9 weeks last year when she had kindey failure, the put her in the high dependency unit and she had to have dialysis. Her liver started to fail and for 3weeks nobody could tell us if shed get better.
Its a surreal time. I didnt think about the fact that each time i left was one less time gone that id have with her, you just focus on being with them.
Thankfully she recovered, but im so sorry you cant hold on to a possibility he'll be ok.
Will be going over to Belfast soon to see the rest of the family and get ready for the funeral. Its sad but i guess we knew it was coming. The only thing that really eats me up is no one especially my dad got to say good bye to him or was able to speak to him.
*big hugs*
All the best for you and your family
Take care
Honestly, don't try and think about things too much. It never does any good.
I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. I'm not sure if you've been to a funeral before, but in my experience they are a really important part of the grieving process - a place to let go, reminisce about what a wonderful person you knew and even think about how they will continue to enrich your life.
Being able to vent is really important, as is being able to just relax with your own thoughts - I hope you have time for these in equal measures.
You might also want to have a read of our article dealing with death.
Take good care of yourself