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Friends with Benefits

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi - I'm new here and would like to get feedback about peoples' experiences with fuck buddies. I am currently getting divorced (although technically still married) and I hooked up with a married man looking for a fuck buddy. He and I want no emotional ties, but the sex has been lacking for both of us for years. I have a life full of friends, hobbies, job, teenagers, etc. He has his life and he is not getting divorced until his kids are older - same thing I did, but that's immaterial. Everything has been defined right from the start - no phone calls or text messages after 4 PM, no contact for dates, dinner or anything else along those lines. We got together once and it was bliss. We both have such a need for this and are hugely attracted to each other.

A few months ago, I had an emotional and sexual experience with an old boyfriend, but it made me feel awful because of the emotional pull. I told my new friend that as soon as I start feeling stress, anxiety or any awful feeling, it's over. Is this do-able? Is this possible? We both need this so badly, even if it only lasts a few months.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you can do it, and you're careful (regarding pregnancy, STI's etc) then why not.

    I, myself, couldn't do it. I'd get too emotionally involved. But like I said, if you can, do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You sound pretty clear on the ground rules, which puts you in a good step for this, and you're aware that it might only be for the short-term - I see no harm in that. While your past experience did hurt you, it was with an old boyfriend of yours, someone you had a past emotional connection with, and as long as you keep that in perspective, I think you'll be ok.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks

    Thanks for the responses. Yes, both of us are very clear on things. Winds up we live in the same area and know some people in common. Discretion is so necessary that we are being supremely careful - aware of keystroke loggers, spouses snooping through cell phones, etc. We are being extremely cautious. I guess because my "sex life" (if you can even call it that) with my husband was so awful, I just need this physical outlet. I don't know if I want to find out too much about my friend. Even though he is gorgeous, tall, muscular and has great stamina, he might be a George Bush supporting, deer hunting, conservative Republican and how awful would that be? :no:

    I am capable of the separation of sex and romance. In the midst of divorce proceedings I don't have the energy for a relationship. I just want to do some dancing between the sheets for awhile.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Chick Pea wrote:
    In the midst of divorce proceedings
    probably not the best time
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Probably not the best time

    Yes, Big Gay - I do agree with you. I guess I am letting the lower half of me do the thinking right now. But again, with a drought of 7 years - seriously 7 years - I just can't do without a once a week, planned encounter that is discreet and NSA for at least a few weeks or months. The divorce is really a matter of paperwork and logistics right now. All of the emotional stuff happened awhile ago. If there is any sign of distress or if I cannot handle it, I am out and have made that very clear to my friend. Thank you all very much for the feedback. I appreciate it.
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