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He's obsessed
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've got an aquaintence, and he's obsessed with this girl. Thing is, he's not just 'oh i love her', he's dangerously obsessed. He's always calling her / texting her etc., he's always making moves on her i.e. trying to kiss her etc. and she tells him she's not interested. I ask him why and he says he doesnt want the sex, he wants to feel close. But, he's slightly delusional, he saays things like he'll wait 50 years until she wants him. I know her as well, and she's pretty uncomfortable with it all, she's happy being friends but doesn't know how to deal with him being so obsessed.
I put this in health rather than relationships, because its not about the relationship, it's about his mentality. He said recently he's considered suicide if he ever made her sad, and I'm quite worried about him. I gave him the samaritans number and he laughed at me, he seems very unhinged and doesn't really have any close friends apart from this girl. I asked him in an open ended way if he'd considered seeing a counsellor and again, he laughed it off.
Maybe he's putting it on for attention, but I can normally tell when that's the case, and there's just something about it that doesn't seem right at all. I've had another friend who was pretty obsessed with someone, and turns out he's autistic or something, but he wasn't like this...
I put this in health rather than relationships, because its not about the relationship, it's about his mentality. He said recently he's considered suicide if he ever made her sad, and I'm quite worried about him. I gave him the samaritans number and he laughed at me, he seems very unhinged and doesn't really have any close friends apart from this girl. I asked him in an open ended way if he'd considered seeing a counsellor and again, he laughed it off.
Maybe he's putting it on for attention, but I can normally tell when that's the case, and there's just something about it that doesn't seem right at all. I've had another friend who was pretty obsessed with someone, and turns out he's autistic or something, but he wasn't like this...
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Stop worrying about his problems and just spark him out tbh.
But what I'm saying, is that he is unhinged. A sane person doesn't say 'you know, I thought I upset you so I considered suicide'. I'm not saying he's completely insane, but I can tell he needs help, because it's not about her really, it's about him. Even when they spend time together and they're both happy he starts getting a little crazy, minor things like obsessing over her, obsessing over other people around them, becoming suspicious and the like.
i'm available for hire most weekends.
Maybe your girlfreind has fucked his head up as well as yours?
Why the fuck does she spend time with him then???
And some people act crazy to get more attention by shocking others, I really doubt he would kill himself...
Tbh, it sounds as if your girlfriend takes nothing seriously. If i were you i would seriously tell him to fuck off. No point in being nice - sometimes you have to be sharp to get through to people.
If he keeps making advances on her and she says no - you ought to get him reported.
You need to have serious words with him - tell him to back off or you'll report him for harrasment.
:yes:
Hate to say it but this was my initial thought, too. You need to sort this out mate; enough pussyfooting around I reckon.
My concern is this guy because he doesn't seem right in the head... I've known people to be pretty obsessed with people they fancy, but to the extent he has? I don't think so. He goes about like his whole life is forfeit for her, and it makes both of us uncomfortable. Like I said, I had another friend who was nearly as bad this, obsessing over someone ridiculously, and in the end he did get help. I don't think I'm going to be hitting anyone anytime soon.
I was suspicious that she was leading him on which was why things were happening, but from my own experience now, he just spontaneously does things. Like, last time he kissed her, she was walking to my house and he saw her leaving school so they walked together. They were talking about school, normal stuff, then he just grabbed her shoulders and hugged her, then kissed her. He said afterwards he was just 'following his heart', but I worry sometimes that following his heart could make him take things to an extreme stage.
He's not even being a twat, he's sick in the head. I prefer to deal with things myself most of the time, but how do you deal with someone who is so completely obsessed that it is unhealthy. I worry that anything aggressive will tip him over the edge, even if he was just saying it for attention, would you take the risk?
Tbh, i think your gf needs to sit him down and tell it straight. And you too. Enough pussyfooting. The only way you're gonna get through to him is to tell it straight them give him the cold shoulder till he stops being such a pathetic weed.
Tell her to give him a push next time he tries it on.....i just can't believe he keeps activly persuing her like this. Has he got no shame? He's technically harrassing her if he keeps doing this and she says no. I don't see whats stopping her from laying the law down with him.
could you both sit him down and tell him his behaviour is unacceptable?
I've given him the samaritans number, but he seemed to think it was a joke. Maybe some people think worrying people with things like suicide is funny. My cousin hung himself 2 years ago, so not the funniest thing on the planet...
And tbh - correct me if i'm wrong but i feel a part of you is staying with her out of spite? I just looked through your last thread about this guy and in one of your posts you said 'if things get weird again and i get upset then thats it'.
But lipsy has some interesting questions. The both of you need to sit him down and tell him his behaviour has got to change. Being 'suicidal' isn't an excuse to be constantly trying it on with someones girlfriend. Though it may explain some other things if he really is.
I think that you need to tell an adult (i.e. a 3rd party) rather than trying to tackle this by yourself either alone or both of you togeather. This boy is clearly emotionally blackmailing both of you and its not very fair. Its easy for people to say just tell him to go away but I can understand how hard this is for you to do in practice.
Is there someone else you can talk to about this - a teacher at school or an adult you trust - even you mum. This bloke is clearly acting in a way thats disturbing both you and your girlfriend and you really shouldn't have to cope with this situation alone and I think that the 3 of you are all so tangled up you can't approach him objectively and you have to get him the help you think he needs now before he screws up his own and everyone else's life.
sorry if this doesn't make sense. the moment i wised up was actually when i got hit by a friend of his, and i strongly advise you not to do that because it will get you nowhere apart from in a locked cell. hope this helps a bit.