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He's obsessed

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've got an aquaintence, and he's obsessed with this girl. Thing is, he's not just 'oh i love her', he's dangerously obsessed. He's always calling her / texting her etc., he's always making moves on her i.e. trying to kiss her etc. and she tells him she's not interested. I ask him why and he says he doesnt want the sex, he wants to feel close. But, he's slightly delusional, he saays things like he'll wait 50 years until she wants him. I know her as well, and she's pretty uncomfortable with it all, she's happy being friends but doesn't know how to deal with him being so obsessed.

I put this in health rather than relationships, because its not about the relationship, it's about his mentality. He said recently he's considered suicide if he ever made her sad, and I'm quite worried about him. I gave him the samaritans number and he laughed at me, he seems very unhinged and doesn't really have any close friends apart from this girl. I asked him in an open ended way if he'd considered seeing a counsellor and again, he laughed it off.

Maybe he's putting it on for attention, but I can normally tell when that's the case, and there's just something about it that doesn't seem right at all. I've had another friend who was pretty obsessed with someone, and turns out he's autistic or something, but he wasn't like this...

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i take it you mean the guy whos after your gf?

    Stop worrying about his problems and just spark him out tbh.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i take it you mean the guy whos after your gf?

    Stop worrying about his problems and just spark him out tbh.

    But what I'm saying, is that he is unhinged. A sane person doesn't say 'you know, I thought I upset you so I considered suicide'. I'm not saying he's completely insane, but I can tell he needs help, because it's not about her really, it's about him. Even when they spend time together and they're both happy he starts getting a little crazy, minor things like obsessing over her, obsessing over other people around them, becoming suspicious and the like.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah i do think its about time you knocked this guy out. or get a large friend to do it for you.

    i'm available for hire most weekends.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    who cares about him. Just do him over.
    Maybe your girlfreind has fucked his head up as well as yours?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But what I'm saying, is that he is unhinged. A sane person doesn't say 'you know, I thought I upset you so I considered suicide'. I'm not saying he's completely insane, but I can tell he needs help, because it's not about her really, it's about him. Even when they spend time together and they're both happy he starts getting a little crazy, minor things like obsessing over her, obsessing over other people around them, becoming suspicious and the like.

    Why the fuck does she spend time with him then???
    And some people act crazy to get more attention by shocking others, I really doubt he would kill himself...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why the fuck does she spend time with him then???
    And some people act crazy to get more attention by shocking others, I really doubt he would kill himself...
    thats what i was thinking. Why is she actually letting this weirdo come near her?
    Tbh, it sounds as if your girlfriend takes nothing seriously. If i were you i would seriously tell him to fuck off. No point in being nice - sometimes you have to be sharp to get through to people.
    If he keeps making advances on her and she says no - you ought to get him reported.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    If he keeps making advances on her and she says no - you ought to get him reported.
    Exactly. What happens if one time he doesn't take no for an answer, which may be a possibility if he's as obsessed as you think he is? It's admirable that you want to help this guy, but the girl should be the main consideration because she's having to put up with it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i just can't believe his cheek....and i can't believe shes letting him get away with it. Seriously, next time he tries it on she ought to slap him and tell him to fuck off....she has a boyfriend and isn't a toy for him to feel close to.
    You need to have serious words with him - tell him to back off or you'll report him for harrasment.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    who cares about him. Just do him over.
    Maybe your girlfreind has fucked his head up as well as yours?

    :yes:

    Hate to say it but this was my initial thought, too. You need to sort this out mate; enough pussyfooting around I reckon.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Seriously guys, I'm sorting out things with her myself, and -that- bit is going ok. She's not spending much time with him anymore, just sees him at school. Of course, whenever she walks to the shops / my house he always follows her (not in a stalking way, but just starts walking with her). That's not my concern at the moment, I think she's making a real effort, every time he makes a move she tells him off.

    My concern is this guy because he doesn't seem right in the head... I've known people to be pretty obsessed with people they fancy, but to the extent he has? I don't think so. He goes about like his whole life is forfeit for her, and it makes both of us uncomfortable. Like I said, I had another friend who was nearly as bad this, obsessing over someone ridiculously, and in the end he did get help. I don't think I'm going to be hitting anyone anytime soon.

    I was suspicious that she was leading him on which was why things were happening, but from my own experience now, he just spontaneously does things. Like, last time he kissed her, she was walking to my house and he saw her leaving school so they walked together. They were talking about school, normal stuff, then he just grabbed her shoulders and hugged her, then kissed her. He said afterwards he was just 'following his heart', but I worry sometimes that following his heart could make him take things to an extreme stage.

    He's not even being a twat, he's sick in the head. I prefer to deal with things myself most of the time, but how do you deal with someone who is so completely obsessed that it is unhealthy. I worry that anything aggressive will tip him over the edge, even if he was just saying it for attention, would you take the risk?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i don't think you're being firm enough. If he's this wound up about her you need to be tough to knock through his thick head.
    Tbh, i think your gf needs to sit him down and tell it straight. And you too. Enough pussyfooting. The only way you're gonna get through to him is to tell it straight them give him the cold shoulder till he stops being such a pathetic weed.
    Tell her to give him a push next time he tries it on.....i just can't believe he keeps activly persuing her like this. Has he got no shame? He's technically harrassing her if he keeps doing this and she says no. I don't see whats stopping her from laying the law down with him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    He's technically harrassing her if he keeps doing this and she says no.
    does she say no? maybe only recently.


    could you both sit him down and tell him his behaviour is unacceptable?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When someones going on about suicide and how their life is worthelss except for this person, then it does act as a slight deterrant to slapping him and telling him to f*ck off. But she does say no, and tells him its wrong, just doesn't do the whole 'die motherfucker die' routine.

    I've given him the samaritans number, but he seemed to think it was a joke. Maybe some people think worrying people with things like suicide is funny. My cousin hung himself 2 years ago, so not the funniest thing on the planet...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what has he actually said about suicide though?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how long has he been saying that stuff though? for as long as he's been coming onto her? how long has she been saying no? did she say no whilst she put her hand on his crotch? this guy has probably been receiving very mixed signals, even if your girlfriend had good intentions.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think he's just trying to break you up so he can try and jump straight in there - and he isn't exactly being subtle about it.
    And tbh - correct me if i'm wrong but i feel a part of you is staying with her out of spite? I just looked through your last thread about this guy and in one of your posts you said 'if things get weird again and i get upset then thats it'.

    But lipsy has some interesting questions. The both of you need to sit him down and tell him his behaviour has got to change. Being 'suicidal' isn't an excuse to be constantly trying it on with someones girlfriend. Though it may explain some other things if he really is.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello,

    I think that you need to tell an adult (i.e. a 3rd party) rather than trying to tackle this by yourself either alone or both of you togeather. This boy is clearly emotionally blackmailing both of you and its not very fair. Its easy for people to say just tell him to go away but I can understand how hard this is for you to do in practice.

    Is there someone else you can talk to about this - a teacher at school or an adult you trust - even you mum. This bloke is clearly acting in a way thats disturbing both you and your girlfriend and you really shouldn't have to cope with this situation alone and I think that the 3 of you are all so tangled up you can't approach him objectively and you have to get him the help you think he needs now before he screws up his own and everyone else's life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    coming from someone who has been in the obbsessive posistion, you are right in saying that it's got more to do with his mentality than relationships, and need to find someone, not yourself because he will see you as an enemy, but maybe a friend of his, or his parents or someone he will trust and get them to talk to him about what harm he is doing. if you use that word "harm", he should realise that he is not only not going to get what he wants but he's actually harming and destroying. and by doing that he has pushed away what he wants.

    sorry if this doesn't make sense. the moment i wised up was actually when i got hit by a friend of his, and i strongly advise you not to do that because it will get you nowhere apart from in a locked cell. hope this helps a bit.
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