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Casual with Ex...???

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
So, my girlfriend made up her mind that as long as things are long distance we cannot be a couple because it is too hard for her. I suggested we stay friends and she loves that idea and as she says, she still loves me as i do her, its just too hard when im not there all the time and have to make loads of effort to go see her.

Well, she suggested we should be "casual" from now on.

What does that mean? Well according to her, when im in Newcastle with her or She is in Leeds with me we would go out, hold hands, be a couple and have sex, but the rest of the time when we are not together we are just friends.

Can that work? Is it even a good idea? It sounds fun from the sex point of view...but surely if she still loves me she will find i hard to just be casual, because right now, i dont know if i can be "casual" and nothing else.

What does anyone think?
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'm not convinced she feels as stongly about you as you do her and i can see you getting hurt.
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Agreed. Casual can work if you both feel the same way, but not if one of you still wants something more in the long term. How would you feel if you did this for a while, and then she said that she couldn't do it any more because she'd met someone? Would you have a "meh" attitude, or would you be gutted? If it's the second one, then don't do it.
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds to me like having your cake and eating it too, which in the end just isn't going to work out because you run out of cake.
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    casual is exactly that, but usually its casual for one person, in this instance it seems like its casual for her, you may still make the connection with her and feel like your still together but you will drive yourself mad when shes away enjoying herself and potentially hooking up with other guys.
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    she can't have it both ways - its not fair on you. She's wants you to be a couple when it suits.....it doesn't work like that. You're either together or you're not.
    She's being quite selfish.
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    i'm not convinced she feels as stongly about you as you do her and i can see you getting hurt.

    Have to agree.

    Casual has to be a two way thing that both people are 100% cool with, and that isn't the case.

    Clean break I reckon :yes:
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry but she doesnt love you if she can do that.

    She wants to have you when it requires no effort and suits her, but for the rest of the time when shes alone without anyone there for her, she wants to be allowed to have other people too.
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just give her one now and again, and find someone nicer to have a real casual realationship with
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