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What He Said (friend talking about my bf's past)
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I understand my boyfriend had some problems about a year or two ago, only I never really pried because I didn't care. Well, our mutual friend started talking to me yesterday and asked how much I knew about my boyfriend's past. However, I hate to say it, but the friend is the kind that can take something the wrong way or think something's worse than it really is.
Well, first the friend said my boyfriend had sex with three different girls, but he said in a few minutes later that he wasn't actually sure about the second one (I knew about the third and from the impression my boyfriend has given me, it was his first).
Then my friend told me that he was sure my boyfriend had sex with the first girl because he thought that he had raped her. The girl said that my boyfriend had forced himself on her, but I’m not entirely sure that the friend interpreted it correctly because my boyfriend had started to see someone else during that time (a year and a half ago) and the girl and my boyfriend were good friends during last school year.
Almost everything the friend told me happened before I knew him and before he went to therapy for anger issues. I’m curious to know how much of it is biased or misinterpreted. If it was true, I really don’t know how I would react as I’m pretty sure it’s not true.
I’m not even sure if I should ask my boyfriend if most of the stuff our friend said was true. Suggestions? Should I ask him or not? I have a few days to decide.
Well, first the friend said my boyfriend had sex with three different girls, but he said in a few minutes later that he wasn't actually sure about the second one (I knew about the third and from the impression my boyfriend has given me, it was his first).
Then my friend told me that he was sure my boyfriend had sex with the first girl because he thought that he had raped her. The girl said that my boyfriend had forced himself on her, but I’m not entirely sure that the friend interpreted it correctly because my boyfriend had started to see someone else during that time (a year and a half ago) and the girl and my boyfriend were good friends during last school year.
Almost everything the friend told me happened before I knew him and before he went to therapy for anger issues. I’m curious to know how much of it is biased or misinterpreted. If it was true, I really don’t know how I would react as I’m pretty sure it’s not true.
I’m not even sure if I should ask my boyfriend if most of the stuff our friend said was true. Suggestions? Should I ask him or not? I have a few days to decide.
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Comments
If I was your boyfriend, whatever had happened, I'd respect you if you came and spoke to me about it if you were concerned about anything I'd said to you. The reason I'd advise caution though is that rape is very serious and I wouldn't want you to confront him for him to lose his top and hurt you - because people who have attacked other people are more likely to do so again.
If he's been through counselling though, he's probably fragile, and a direct confrontation might make him snap / upset him. So, possibly a sympathetic angle? I.e. like you want to hear his side of the story, not that you're accusing him.
Hope it goes well, my advice is probably a bit stupid, it's a very tricky situation to be in though, I'm glad your happiness now with him isnt jepordised (sp?) because of his past.
We're five months on Monday and I met him last August at school.
As for the therapy bit, my boyfriend has been out of therapy since last July or something. He probably wouldn't get mad at me, but he would probably guess who had told him the stuff about him as he knew that we were going to hang out on Friday because the friend invited him too.
Would it be better to ask my boyfriend's best friend about the situation?
Excellent advice, can't really add anything but good luck