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What is it with Girlfriends...??? (half rant)
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Seriously, what is it with girlfriends?
Ok, the jist of my relationship is that me and my girlfriend dont get to see much of each other right now because we live a distance apart and she is at school still, i am working so pretty busy. Anyway, she dumped me when we had plans to see each other, then we saw each other anyway and she wanted to be a couple again. Now we are a couple (maybe not by the time you read this) but as we have made plans to spend a weekend away she suddenly decided she is too young to be in a serious relationship and thinks she cannot be faithful to a guy who doesnt live very near by to her.
She is the one who wanted a relationship that was serious and NOT casual, now she is suddenly too young to be serious and only wants casual, but cannot be casual with me because she loves me, but if we stay together i should expect her to maybe cheat if she is depressed someday and with one of her guy mates.
It seems she is happy when we are in a relationship but not seeing each other but when we are definately planning on getting together and spend time together, she is not keen on been in a relationship...until we actually do see each other then suddenly she is happy again.
I am comepletely confused by her. I keep trying to make it work, by going to see her on the train or driving to hers or whatever it takes when she is unhappy, and we had plans to spend loads of time with each other over the summer and when sheis in her final year of 6th form i was goinf to go see her each weekend. But she just points out that it isnt ever going to be enough.
Now, she says when she is single, she is alone and unhappy, but she says when we are a couple she is still unhappy and almost always alone.
I just want her to be happy, and i love her and want to be with her, but i have NO idea what i can say to her or what advice i can give her or what i can say to her when i speak to her next. She wants us to talk it all out but i have no idea what i can say to change things or make her happy or sort this all out for her to be happy.
Ok, the jist of my relationship is that me and my girlfriend dont get to see much of each other right now because we live a distance apart and she is at school still, i am working so pretty busy. Anyway, she dumped me when we had plans to see each other, then we saw each other anyway and she wanted to be a couple again. Now we are a couple (maybe not by the time you read this) but as we have made plans to spend a weekend away she suddenly decided she is too young to be in a serious relationship and thinks she cannot be faithful to a guy who doesnt live very near by to her.
She is the one who wanted a relationship that was serious and NOT casual, now she is suddenly too young to be serious and only wants casual, but cannot be casual with me because she loves me, but if we stay together i should expect her to maybe cheat if she is depressed someday and with one of her guy mates.
It seems she is happy when we are in a relationship but not seeing each other but when we are definately planning on getting together and spend time together, she is not keen on been in a relationship...until we actually do see each other then suddenly she is happy again.
I am comepletely confused by her. I keep trying to make it work, by going to see her on the train or driving to hers or whatever it takes when she is unhappy, and we had plans to spend loads of time with each other over the summer and when sheis in her final year of 6th form i was goinf to go see her each weekend. But she just points out that it isnt ever going to be enough.
Now, she says when she is single, she is alone and unhappy, but she says when we are a couple she is still unhappy and almost always alone.
I just want her to be happy, and i love her and want to be with her, but i have NO idea what i can say to her or what advice i can give her or what i can say to her when i speak to her next. She wants us to talk it all out but i have no idea what i can say to change things or make her happy or sort this all out for her to be happy.
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Comments
I think the reason she's blowing hot and cold when you guys are going to meet up is that she's kind of scared by the transition from you being there in the background and you being there in person. When you're not with someone you can deal with your feelings by suppressing them, but when you're there she can't hide how much she likes you and wants to be with you... and that feeling conflicts with how sad and alone she feels when you're not there. She wants to avoid that kind of conflict so she wigs out when she knows you guys are going to meet and dumps you. Maybe that's not the reason, but it makes sense to me.
You're probably not going to like my suggestion, but I think a break would be a good thing for this relationship. You're doing everything right in this tricky relationship situation, and so it's down to her to make the decision of whether she can deal with the distance or not. Obviously if she decides she wants to be with you, then she's got to accept that that means being faithful to you when you're not there. I think she needs some space to make this decision, safe in the knowledge that if she wants you back then she can have you - I think the reason she dumped you and then wanted you back is because, although she still wasn't sure if that was really what she wanted, she didn't want to burn her bridges and find out that you'd got yourself a new girlfriend while she was deciding. That's why a break would work - you would promise to wait for her for the period of the break (maybe a couple of weeks).
Do you think that if you guys broke up, you'd be ok staying friends with her? Another factor that might be keeping her with you, even if she's not convinced it's right, is that she's scared to break up with you and be alone. She sounds quite unhappy at the moment, so if you could say something to her like this, then it would probably really reassure her: "I really want you to be happy and if that means we should break up, then that's just what will have to happen. But remember that I'm your friend and whatever happens, I'm always going to be there for you."
I hope you manage to sort something out, best of luck.
Like a long hour of talking about us and she still isnt certain about our future, but she says the fact im putting up with her mixed up head and meaness (what meaness, just confusion), shows we should not throw it away just yet but give it more of a go and see how we are when we are back together. She will be going out with her mates and i will be there with a couple of mine so there is less pressure on to be just, together and alone with each other. Plus i like her mates as i have met afew of them already.
Hopefully, we shall sort everything out, but if not, i intend to be her friend no matter what!