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Ex comin over to Vist my BF

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have been with my BF a few months ago, we got together not long after he moved back from canada x He recently told me that his ex GF from thier was comin over to stay for 6weeks with him and his family which didnt seam to bother me at first because we was just gettin together and i didnt really think about it really happen but its comin closer to her comin now :crying: and were really close and do everythin together. I reaaly dunno what am gonna do when she comes, he lives round the corner from me so i am gonna have to always see them together, and they are off away to scotland together. I really do what to think or whats the best thing to do x :no:

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's pretty weird... I wouldn't acept this to be honest... Why does she have to stay 6 weeks wit him... I mean fucking 6 weeks, it's not even like it's for the weekend, and even so I still don't get why...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It was all planned even before we got together and he does say he doesnt want her to come now but ts all book and been planned for a while and keeps saying i hope everythings the same when she goes but i duno if i can!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    6 weeks!? i'm lucky if i get a weekend every month with my bf.
    they're going to scotland together? um, why is she even visiting him like this? It's like being a couple. I wouldn't have it either.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmmm, hes not being very fair on you.
    Id dump him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yea but its not that easy, hes the loveliest person ive ever met but i dont think i can deal with this x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This happened to me a few years ago, I'd invited my ex (while he was still my boyfriend) to visit from Austria and despite the godawful way we broke up he still came over for a three week visit. I did manage to see the funny side and we had a pretty good time but my boyfriend at the time was FURIOUS.

    To be honest it's all been previously planned and not something he's arranged to spite or upset you. However 6 weeks is a long time, and if you don't feel secure enough in the relationship (and I wouldn't blame you!) then you need to seriously think about whether this will be the death knell for the two of you. Maybe you should wait until she gets here before you make any decisions, play it by ear... but there's not a lot you can do other than tough it out or finish things.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    briggi wrote:
    This happened to me a few years ago, I'd invited my ex (while he was still my boyfriend) to visit from Austria and despite the godawful way we broke up he still came over for a three week visit. I did manage to see the funny side and we had a pretty good time but my boyfriend at the time was FURIOUS.

    To be honest it's all been previously planned and not something he's arranged to spite or upset you. However 6 weeks is a long time, and if you don't feel secure enough in the relationship (and I wouldn't blame you!) then you need to seriously think about whether this will be the death knell for the two of you. Maybe you should wait until she gets here before you make any decisions, play it by ear... but there's not a lot you can do other than tough it out or finish things.


    And did you stay together afer wards ???
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    This is a really difficult situation so I can totally understand why you are feeling upset about it - but there are a few suggestions you could discuss with your boyfriend to perhaps make the situation more bearable.

    If you trust your boyfriend completely and he constantly re-assures you that he no longer has feelings for his ex then you have a good basis for getting through this. If your boyfriend is as lovely as you say, then he MUST be feeling really guilty and crap about the whole thing, and the less pressure he has, the more likely things will run smoothly.

    Is it that you feel anxious and nervous about her coming, but that as long as you are treated in the same way as you are when she's not there, then everything will be ok? If this is the case, then you could put this to your boyfriend. But perhaps make it clear to him, that if you feel at all excluded, then things might not work out - everyone's boundaries are different, and only you can decide what your's are.

    Firstly, just because this girl is coming over for six weeks, it doesn't necessarily mean that she has to stay with your boyfriends family for the whole time does it?? Do you or your boyfriend have any friends in a different part of the country that she could go and stay with to make her stay more diverse/enjoyable? I know when I've been on six week travelling jaunts I'd have been really bored staying at the same place, with the same people. Rather than suggesting it as a way to get rid of her for a while, perhaps try and promote it as a way to help her make the most of her trip - an adventure even!

    Secondly, is there any way you could go to Scotland with them? Ask your boyfriend how he would feel if you went to Scotland with an ex-boyfriend without him. I think the majority of people would have issues with it, and asking to go along doesn't seem like an unreasonable suggestion does it?

    Lastly, this might sound a bit strange, but if this girl is going to evolve from being an ex, to a friend of your boyfriend and yours (trust me it can happen - both my god-mothers are my dad's ex-girlfriends and one of them comes to visit our family from Australia!) then why not take her on a few girly nights out with your friends and without your boyfriend. Best case-scenario is that you have a new friend that you can go and visit in Canada.

    Ok, so I'm trying to be as positive about this as possible :) And obviously it may just not work out, but if you try and find compromises throughout her stay (I assume she's definitely coming now) then it might not be one big ordeal and you will be fine at the end of the six weeks.

    Take good care of yourself;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And did you stay together afer wards ???

    We did indeed. It was all a bit awkward but the relationship between my ex and I was purely platonic by that point (if you could even call it "platonic", which is a stretch). You can get through it if you are secure and have faith in your relationship.

    Helen is right about maybe making friends with the girl yourself. You could definitely scope out the idea of spending a bit of time with her, including her in your social circle etc.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I second Helens suggestion about going with them.

    Have you told him how you feel?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think you should talk to him about how you feel, and ask for his support while she's here (i.e. him texting you+including you).
    helen's right, hang round with her+make a new friend. The worst that can happen is that she takes an interest in your fella, but if that happens you'll be there to show how much the 2 of you are. And, IF something does happen, then he isnt worth the hassel.
    id just mention in advance that you will need his attention,affection+support during this time
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    youve just got to work out whether you can handle it, and how seriously hes taking your concerns. I dont think id be able to handle it, but then again if you love him, that might be enough to overcome it. Do you love each other?
    It seems to me that it wouldnt be too difficult for him to have told her that the situation has changed now he has a girlfriend and it would not be possible for her to stay as it wouldnt be fair on you. Maybe thats just me though. I think other peoples relationships are weird some of the stuff they put up with.
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