Having it out

Former Member · June 2006

OK, so due to crap communication between me and my girlfriend there have been a lot of problems building up lately. Things she's said or done that have upset me or made me angry that i've just tried to ignore and have ended up festering.

Now I've decided to bite the bullet and tell her how I feel as I think it's affecting how I act with her (i'm getting a bit short with her and getting the hump over the slightest things). The trouble is i'm not seeing her until Friday night and of course I want to do this face to face.

Do I tell her now that I plan on having a serious 'chat' with her the next time I see her, or do I wait until Friday and then just bring everything up? The trouble with the second option is that i've tried that before and I always end up feeling bad nad not saying anything. I was thinking if I tell her now then both of us will be prepared and there's no getting out of it, but is this really wise to worry her for the next two days?

Thoughts please?

Former Member · June 2006

id maybe mention to her that you need to discuss something with her, and if she starts to worry then reassure her it isnt really bad, itsw just something you need to get off your chest.

Former Member · June 2006

I would just wait until the time, to be honest. I can't think of anything worse than being told that my boyfriend has something serious to discuss with me in two days time. It's not dissimilar to those times in school when the teacher wanted to see you "after the lesson" - all that dread building up for what often doesn't turn out to be as awful a conclusion as you've been predicting.

Whatever you do, it's a great thing that you've decided to talk things out. Biting your tongue works sometimes but when it gets to the point of keeping things festering inside then it's a recipe for disaster - when you do let it all out try and moderate yourself, as often pent-up feelings are a lot stronger than you even know yourself. Good luck with it, I'm sure it'll help you both - and your relationship - a lot

Former Member · June 2006

just tell her "when you get here lets talk, okay?" and if she asks for more info (tho normally when someone says that to you..you get the idea that your going to have a serious discussion.) Just say " I'm worried/concerned with the way thigns have been going lately and I want to talk to you about them because I love you and don't want anything to happen to us"

Former Member · June 2006

Thanks for the advice.

I've e-mailed her and apologised if i've seemed a bit off lately and that there's just a few things I need to get off my chest and I'll tell her on Friday. She didn't seem be too worried in her reply.

Now i've just got to pluck up the courage to say everythingI want to say tomorrow, i'm not very good at confrontation. :nervous:

Former Member · June 2006

Write it all down. I'm not recommending you sit there and fire points A B C etc at her, but writing it down beforehand might help you remember everything you want to say between now and then. It might help you work out a way to link things together and make sure you remember to talk about everything

Former Member · June 2006

Crystal Tipps wrote:

Write it all down. I'm not recommending you sit there and fire points A B C etc at her, but writing it down beforehand might help you remember everything you want to say between now and then. It might help you work out a way to link things together and make sure you remember to talk about everything

Wow, I must have been doing exactly that as you wrote your post!

Putting it all down on paper also helped me realise these aren't major problems that can't be resolved, but things I still want to get off my chest nevertheless. I think i've been daft to let them sit there this long without saying anything as they've just made things a hundred times worse.

Having it out

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