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a boyfriend question for the ladies...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
...well a couple actually
has there been something you liked or wanted to do, e.g. cut your hair short, wear a kind of dress, smoke etc., but your (past or present) boyfriend didnt like, so you end up not doing it? it could be from the mundane to the extreme.
if it was a previous (or present) boyfriend, did you get back at him regarding this? how did you do it, e.g. cut your hair short, wear a kind of dress, smoke etc.?
has there been something you liked or wanted to do, e.g. cut your hair short, wear a kind of dress, smoke etc., but your (past or present) boyfriend didnt like, so you end up not doing it? it could be from the mundane to the extreme.
if it was a previous (or present) boyfriend, did you get back at him regarding this? how did you do it, e.g. cut your hair short, wear a kind of dress, smoke etc.?
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then i convinced him saying it wouldn't really be dyed, just tinted a darker shade and hes fine....besides, he's had his hair all sorts of wild colours so he can't really complain
personally i wouldn't put up with a fella telling me how i was allowed to have my hair!
One of my mates' ex was a real control freak: told her what to wear. how long her hair should be, got twitchy whenever she was anywhere that she might see/meet other blokes and used to demand verbatum replays of exactly what she said to any other male. she saw sense after about 4 years and ditched him thank God...
didnt waste to much of her life then
(didnt mean to offend just found that queite funny!)
Hair is ok, cept when he cuts his hair *cries*
Yeah well, he was her first boyfriend and she was pretty blinkered to his imperfections, or just assumed that that was what being in a relationship was like. I really dunno how she did it, he was a major twat. She's since said that she wishes she'd given him the shove when she went to uni and feels she missed out somewhat on the whole uni experience, being tied to him like she was. Still, she's living in Berlin now, working for Easyjet and having a whale of a time
This is what I think as well.
Though tbh, like Illora said, if I wanted to do something and they didn't want me to, fuck them. Especially something so mundane as coloring or cutting your hair. Hed have to be such a dickhead asshole to tell anybody if they can or cannot do that.
Since january I've become my own person again, wear what I want, talk to who I want, smoke what I like and swear like a fucking sailor once again.
:yes: Just cuz he has to look at doesn't mean he can say what you can do with your body, permanant or not. My boyfriend hates tattoos, especially the one I'm going to get, told me straight up that it would be the worst tattoo, would disown me during football season
We both tend to do whatever we want. We'll ask for help and opinions, and I like when he likes my clothes, which he generally does. I have one cardigan thing that he hates, but I'll wear it anyway. Maybe one day to piss him off. Who knows...
Anyway, independence is good. I think that a good relationship is when you can be your own person, but also are totally compatible together. So huzzah.
Now that would have sent me into a real frenzy if someone, esp. my husband, tried to do that line on me. She meekly went along and hubby darling was estatic. Wanker. I would have been pretty offended. But maybe that's just me.
That made me smile, my ex hated one item of my clothing in particular... and that was a cardigan. Which I happened to love
I'd like to say I'd never change for a man or in a relationship, and I'd never compromise my values or what makes me feel comfortable. But, I can't say that a small part of me doesn't take on something of their attitude to the things mentioned like appearance, smoking etc - like a lizard changing and adapting to its surroundings. A barely conscious change. Or something. If that even makes sense.
I've noticed it a lot in my last three "relationships", all with completely different men with different outlooks, styles etc. I'm noticing a lot with my new boyfriend that because he throws caution to the wind, I do too, I know he'd never say "don't wear that cardi", "stop smoking" etc because that's not who he is and that was part of what attracted me to him. Good stuff
What an utter cunt.
:impissed:
There are plenty of things I would like to do but I know my girlfriend wouldn't approve of, so I don't, it's not really a big deal (shaivng my head for one)
I do draw the line obviously, but for little things like one hair cut out of a hundred not being liked by my girlfriend then I'm happy to not have it.
Likewise (hair again) I hate short hair on women and she knows this, I'm never going to say don't get it, but I think she won't just because I hate it. But again, I'm not overly fussed with whatever else she decides to do with it (colour, style etc) so is it really that big a deal?
My current boyfriend doesn't like going out - as in out for meals unless it's like macdonalds/subway, or out for drinks. I've told him that he is going to have to get over that, but that I wont pressure him in the mean time. Although I do think he's due a reminder that he's meant to be sorting out the social complex.
That seems like a pretty good attitude, but what if he never get's over it?
I have a real issue with beach/pool holidays in the sun. In fact I flat out refuse to go on them, for a number of reasons. This really bothers my girlfriend who has a little dig about how she doesn't like the idea of us not going on them every now and then. Iit'll come up in conversation and i'll get the "you're so bad for depriving me of such a holiday". I usually end it by saying "yeah maybe one day" but to be honest I have no intention of doing it.
I'm not a going out person anyway, I tend to go out with work for birthdays/holidays, and then my best friend will drag me out. So it's not a big issue, and it doesn't happen often, but I just feel a bit crap that everytime I used to ask he said no, the main one being a valentines party. Got me wondering whether or not he really wanted to spend time with me, and we almost broke up over it at one point. Instead whilst he was living near I used to settle for going to his afterwards and he'd walk me home after an hour or so.
He used to wear cord trousers (don't ask!) a lot, but I kept throwing in comments about how good he looked in his jeans and how he wears those all the time and the cords have been banished to the back of the wardrobe! Also he's been wanting to change his hair for a while (not that he's bothered to look for any ideas so he can't be that serious) but I've 'mentioned' (maybe once or twice..
My girlfriend quitelikes her piercings, which I hate, but always say they look fine and although they're not my thing I think they look good on her. She's set on getting another one in her ear, which I think will look awful, but she's bound to ask my opinion or get it done and expect some kind of comment from me. What am I supposed to say? Lie and say I love it or say "well it's not my cup of tea, but if you like it then it's great"? I don't want to 'indirectly' tell her what to do with her own body.
Hmmm I just inadvertantly quoted you. If she asks before she gets it, just tell her that if she wants it done, to get it done, and that although you aren't keen on the idea it's her body and you're sure she'll look sexy (or whatever) with it.