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Would you have done what I did?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Right, this is basically going to be a bit of a long confusing post, but I would be really grateful for your advice.

I'm changing the names etc because I don't want to make matters worse for people. Basically there is a girl I know on the internet, called Sue. I don't really speak to her as such, she is a livejournal friend, who's diary I read. She lives in Wales. Anyway, she has a boyfriend called John who she has been going out with since November. I happen to know John as he lives in the same town as me and has a few mutual friends. Yesterday I was in a club in my town with my best friend, and she saw an old friend from school called Grace, who lives down the road from me. She went out with John for 5 years. Anyway, we were casually chatting, and I asked how she was after the break up and stuff, and if she had a new bloke, and happened to mention how John had a girlfriend, not in a mean way, more in a "how do you feel about him having someone new, it must be hard etc.etc." She was shocked and said she'd last heard from him he was single...obvousily I was shocked...I said, "oh erm, maybe I've got it wrong, maybe they're broken up or whatnot..." basically trying to backtrack. Anyway she asked how I knew, I explained and stuff. She asked how long they'd been going out, I said about 8 months. She got all upset and said, "but we only broke up in March".

This is the point where I started to think, shit, I've landed myself in it now. I said to her not to worry, maybe I was wrong (I knew in my heart I wasn't.) She then went off for a while, so I decided to ring a mutual friend of John as I was upset. I explained what had happened, he was as confused as I was. He thought they'd been going out 8 months, he'd said he was single to him etc etc.

I went home and ended up emailing Sue and telling her what had happened. After all, doesn't she deserve to know? Maybe I should have just left it, but why should a scum bag get away with it?!?

I also wrote a small letter to Grace and sent it to her this morning. In the letter I told her I'd spoken to a friend, who'd confirmed the relationship, I apologised for interfering and said I wouldn't get anymore involved, but that she deserved to know. I gave her Sue's livejournal address so she could see for herself, and her email address so they could sort it out.

I thought (and still think) I did the right thing, as if my boyfriend had been doing what John was doing I'd want to know. But do you think I should have kept my nose out.

Obvousily I haven't heard from any of them yet about this. But I am really worried that I am going to be bombarded with hateful emails, accused of lying or scheming or whatnot. What makes it worse is that Sue and I don't really get along (for various reasons) but I SWEAR I haven't told her to be spiteful. As much as I don't know or even like Sue, she deserved to know. But I think she isn't going to believe me and say I am just doing this to ruin her and John or what not (all of this is untrue)

Please give me advice, good or bad. I really was not trying to be a bad person or get myself into this, and I unintentionally did so. I couldn't just say what I said to Grace and then leave it ... Oh I don't know... *sigh*

Sorry for rambling for so long.


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd have done the same thing, if this Sue had been a friend. To be honest if she isn't a close mate I'm not sure I would have gotten involved because as you say, you two don't get along and it may look as if you're deliberately being nasty. Your heart was int he right place, but if John has been two timing his ex with Sue then I'm sure it would have come out by itself in it's own time.

    Don't worry about it, if she moans just explain you were full of good intentions and that you would expect the same treatment from her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it would have been best to just have left it to get sorted out on its own. This Grace women would have gone to this John fellow to ask him about it and undoubtedly he would have either been caught out or he would have confessed and either way Grace would know the truth.

    As for this Sue girl, is it just an internet relationship or do they meet and see each other? If they meet, and see each other, she would have probably worked it out eventually or this Grace would have let her in on it if she was angry with John. If they are just on the net, its not a big deal i dont think.

    Basically, it would have been best to stay out i think, then you cant be held to blame by them all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have just read half of it, but I GUESS I know where this is coming to.

    My advice (even if it's not the answer to your question, dunno will continue to read in a second):

    I am not saying that, because I had other people interfering between a relationship I was on, NO, because I interfered in other RLships, cuz the partner of my friend was a dipshit, or w-h-a-t-e-v-e-r. Even if they find out, what ass their partner is, they end up HATING YOU for pointing it out to them.

    Never ever do that. I am serious. I did it a plenty of times, and I was the sucker in the end (even ruined a RLship for me once).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm confused if you don't like suee why do you talk to her over the internet?

    anyways, I wouldn't have told sue about it but i would have sent that letter to grace. past that I would have left it however
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