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got a plan? is it a date? what to do? arghhh

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Alright me mateys,

I'm in a pretty good mood cuz a girl I have liked for a while has asked me to go to the cinema with her, just me and her.

The thing is, I'm really good friends with her, however she has never suggested for us to go to the cinema together. A bit of background:

A week or so ago I got really stoned at a field party, I said if any guys gave her or her friend a bit of grief, then I would pretend to be their boyfriend.

Anyway, the girl I like said, after a while I'll be your girlfriend, I don't know how serious she was, as I was quite stoned. The next time I saw her in person she asked to go to the cinema. She's been acting quite quiet online, and reasonably close in person, going places with me etc. Shes done this before but she seems very close now.

How should I manage the situation, I mean I would love to go out with her properly and I think I should make a move, but how and what to do? It would be great if you guys could help me come up with an action plan for tomorrow night.

In the last year, she has hated the idea of a relationship. She seems to be changing however and recently keeps telling me how awesome I am (haha, yeah...) anyway. I really like her alot, and I know she likes me as a friend, I am just uncertain if it could ever be more than that?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i wouldn't try to plan it out to much. It seems like whenever you make a plan and something goes wrong then everything else turns to shit. So why not go into being natural she asked you for a reason after all and it wasn't because of your plans. Do you plan on paying for her? That is always a sign of a date.. at least for me it is
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    unfortunately, she has free entry, and one other person (me) too. i would pay too haha
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hhmm well at least it's free. But if the guys pays and it isn't your birthday or soemthing it is a date... at least i think so. I would suggest buying her popcorn or something if she likes that or if all goes well maybe ask her out for lunch/dinner/coffee afterwards.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    God, I hate situations like this because the stakes are so high. Do what you would normally do as friends (if she likes you, she likes you based on what she's seen as a friend) but just be a bit more flirty. Touch her occasionally, make suggestive jokes (not sleazy though), that kind of thing. If you get a response, take it from there. If she backs off, do the same. But you're going to have to tell her eventually anyway. You don't want to give the impression you're not interested and end up never going out, then find out later that the other person liked you all along. People always go on about "ruining the friendship" but in my opinion, you can never really be true friends with someone you have feelings for, who doesn't share them.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lawton wrote:
    unfortunately, she has free entry, and one other person (me) too. i would pay too haha
    Hmmm, it sounds like quite a friendy thing to do, to say "I've got free tickets to the cinema this weekend, d'you wanna come?" If she only has two free tickets, then obviously she's only going to invite one friend. On the other hand, people always want to seem casual, so it's also quite a datey thing to do to say the same thing.:banghead:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    reading the last post just reminded me of something I didn't even know My boyfriend and I's 1st date was a date until he touched me. We had been friends and I had a secret crush on him and invited himm out one night to this conecrt type thing. He put his hand on my shoulder and let his fingers rest on my clevage I it wasn't til then it clicked in my mind that after secrelty liking him for 6 mths that he liked me too. After that we spent the rest of the night making out and have been together ever sence. So try being suggestive if all else fails you can pretend your intentions were nuetral. But if my boyfriend hadn;t of done that we may still be friends
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm With Stupid wrote:
    People always go on about "ruining the friendship" but in my opinion, you can never really be true friends with someone you have feelings for, who doesn't share them.

    I find that I can. Probably the feelings aren't that strong to begin with, I just get on well with them and find them attractive. But once I rule out anything romantic I can easily move to just being friends, find someone else to crush on.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    JackSkellington wrote:
    I find that I can. Probably the feelings aren't that strong to begin with, I just get on well with them and find them attractive. But once I rule out anything romantic I can easily move to just being friends, find someone else to crush on.
    You don't find you get jealous when you see them with other men, or pulling other guys in clubs? I agree that if you then find someone else to go out with, then that stops you thinking about them that way, but if you continue to have feelings for them, I don't think it's ever entirely possible.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm With Stupid wrote:
    You don't find you get jealous when you see them with other men, or pulling other guys in clubs? I agree that if you then find someone else to go out with, then that stops you thinking about them that way, but if you continue to have feelings for them, I don't think it's ever entirely possible.

    The feelings just go away. I remember when I was in highschool I fell hopelessly for girls without even going out with them once. But now I really don't fall very deeply unless we're actually going out proper.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm With Stupid wrote:
    You don't find you get jealous when you see them with other men, or pulling other guys in clubs?

    Can be quite hard, but sometimes I just get a thing when the main priority is wanting the other person to be really happy, rather than wanting them to be your girlfriend. Of course you still want to go out with them, but if not then you know it's alright because you've connected with them and it's all cool - so long as they don't change or stop talking to you if they do go with somebody else.

    Easier said than done, but I suppose it beats jealousy.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just try to be a bit suggestive without being sleazy.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You can be flirty and close without ruining anything, I think. If she responds, then go for it. If not then don't. Hopefully, you'll eventually sorta work your way up to a kiss or something (the first real definite sign, that it's something. No matter how much they joke, flirt, and touch you on the arm, a kiss is very definite) - then you can be like 'huh, so, are we like going out then?', and you can make it sorta light-hearted and also easy to shrug off if it is a mistake on either part.

    Good luck, let us know how it goes. Try go with the flow rather than make a plan. Being flexible is important - you have to pay attention to how she acts mostly. Is it different to usual? Ooh, and make sure you compliment her outfit /hair etc. Like, a *proper* compliment. Not a 'hey, nice necklace', but 'wow, you look really beautiful, that colour brings out your eyes' kinda thing - a sure-fire way to make it date-like.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks guys. a little update on the situation goes a bit like this:

    she blew the cinema off, to watch football at the pub, but invited me along. I got the idea, so was just friendly. Then a party appeared and we went...

    She was around me alot and kept trying to make physical contact with me, at which i felt uneasy because I didnt know if it was a sign. She also asked me who i liked and I said something along the lines of um er um nobody really, a few i would consider. she said the same when i asked her.

    Then when she went to get her bus she asked me to walk her. I obliged and on the way she asked me if I was sleeping over at the party and I said yeah, because I couldnt go back to my house. She paused for a bit and said come round to mine, and I was a bit taken aback and converted it into a friend type thing (stupidly) like yeah we can watch tv or something. but i said i couldnt because her parents were in. she then asked if she could come over to mine, maybe at the same time as going to the cinema (she rearranged it). I then got a text later that night saying thanks for walking me to the bus stop, see you tomorow.

    hard to judge really, as she was under the influence of alcohol. I'm crap at this kinda thing.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah she want's you. Obviously.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    limegreenhearse wrote:
    You can be flirty and close without ruining anything, I think. If she responds, then go for it. If not then don't. Hopefully, you'll eventually sorta work your way up to a kiss or something (the first real definite sign, that it's something. No matter how much they joke, flirt, and touch you on the arm, a kiss is very definite) - then you can be like 'huh, so, are we like going out then?', and you can make it sorta light-hearted and also easy to shrug off if it is a mistake on either part.
    Are you kidding me? I'd shit myself if someone said that straight after the first kiss.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    that is a little much at once... I mean what if the other person is unsure they have no choice but to say no.. OUCH
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