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Very worried about my girlfriend. advise needed.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Need some advise here.

My girlfriend is house sitting her mums place this week and to look after the dog, while her mum is on holiday. This wouldn't be a problem but i'm worried about her while shes there (35miles away). I know the distance isn't much but it feels it. anyway here the situation.

Her mum and boyfriend have recently slipt-up. And from want my girlfriend says her mum still wants to get back with him. From everything that i've been told about him its a good job they slipt, as hes a violent man, has threatened girlfriend, mum and little sister with a knife, and has hit the mum before.

Her mum said that he can come round and see the dog, but he is to let my girlfriend know when he's on his way. He phoned her up yesterday saying that he'd be over tomorrow night to see the dog and "to have a little chat" and then told her that she'd have to cook him a nice meal.

My girlfriend normally isn't scaried easy and can take care of herself. But from the phone call she been really shaken up and frightened what he'll do when he's there. I've asked her if a neigbour or one of her friends can be there at the same time to keep her company (hopefully stop him from doing anything). I told her i'd come but was told no because i have an exam tomorrow night and she wont let me miss it.

TBH i think he'd be mad to try or do anything, but when has that stopped people before. And the fact that she said if he did anything to her she wouldn't tell anyone (me, her mum or the police). I'm now really worried about her, i've never heard so much fear in somebodies voice before, and i dont know what to do.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how important is the exam?
    Is there any way she can say that she wont be there.
    Just because hes said he will be round, doesnt mean she has to stay in for him if she feels in danger.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Shit situation mate, the thing here is even if sommething happend and she doesn't say anything like she said, well you will basically have to wonder forever if something or not did happend that night...

    I really hope she is not going to make him a meal too, can't your girlfriend just come to yours with the dog?

    Frankly shitty situation, otherwise your girlfriend can just say she is not around and if her mum want her ex to see the dog (frankly quite weird for a man that is apparantly quite abusive and violent) well she can do it in her own time and not put her daughter at risk.

    My best advice is to find a way out, one way or an other...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah i'm racking my brian trying to find a way out of it for her, but she's also very very stubben. She said that if shes not there she feels that her mum wont ever talk to her again (another reason we wont say anything to her mum), there has been bad blood between girlfriend and mum regard this guy before.

    I suggested about bringing the dog to mine, but she said he'd attack and probably kill my cats. I'd drop the exam in a second if it meant that i could be there, but she wont let me, plus its an exam for a course that work have put me on (and go ape-shit if i missed it).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think her mum is being a bit stupid for allowing her violent ex to come over to see the dog, tbh.

    If i were in your situation i'd get her over to yours till her mum is back, its better to be safe than sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    cats locked in a room for the night/ cats in kennels for a night (I think they charge about £5 a night on average)
    Tbh though if shes determined to do it, im not sure why shes trying to frighten you.
    She either feels at risk or she doesnt.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dont think shes meaning to frighten me. She said she was going to let him go round as shes only just patched things up with her mum. Plus shes very stubben and indepenant. Yeah i'm going to have a look around at kennels for the cats for the week,and suggest that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if she cant come and stay at your place for the whole time bcos of cats or whatever, could she at least come to your place for a few hours over the time that the guy is supposed to be coming around? surely it wouldnt hurt for the dog and house to be left unattended by her for just a few hours to get her out of the situation.
    if thats no good and noone can come around to be with her, she should at least let someone (a neighbour or friend close by?) know what the situation is and set up some safety ideas such as knowing she can reach a phone to call someone if in danger, and thinking of a safe place (whether that be outside the house or a room in the house) that she could go if in danger. she should also call someone just before he is due to arrive and arrange a time to call them back so that if she doesnt call by that time, they can call her or they know things are not right and can go round or call the police.
    i understand the complications of family and loyalty to her mum etc but her safety has got to come first
  • BunnieBunnie TheSite's sweetie pie Posts: 6,099
    I'm sorry to hear about all of this sweetie, but i think i am with the general concensus of saftey first. if he wants to see the dog, then fine, he doesnt need to see her. she can go for a drink with you, and go back an hour later. then he can leave.
    or the dog could be taken for a walk by him, just a possiblilty he may not bring it back.
    or even just get one of her mates over. much less likely to do anything with company.
    let me kno how it goes hun xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    had a long chat to her at lunch. given different suggestions for getting out of it, or if she cant then what to do. She going to go ahead with letting him go over (as doesn't want more bad blood with her mum). But shes going to keep the back door open, talk to him in the garden where the neigbours can see them (while the neigbours keep an eye on things.

    I'd still feel a lot better about the whole thing if she didn't have to meet him on her own. But she wont back down.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i agree shes being a bit daft letting him come over 'to see the dog' its just an invitation for trouble
    and he's a bit of a cheeky twat telling her to cook for him....get her to have a friend round while he's there
    but really, her mum knows how violent he is....surely she should put the safety of her children first instead of letting a violent man around whenever he likes because she wants to get back with him
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah thats what i'm doing. But her bestfriend works nights (and is scared of the dog). told her to get one of her other friends or her best friends BF over (as hes quite large)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its just sad to see that he's still got the whole family under his thumb
    she shouldn't be scared to fall out with her mum if she continues to be blind to what this man is doing - any mum should put her kids over a bf, and especially a violent one at that, hands down.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Failing one of her friends, can you send one of yours? Alternatively just give one of them her mobile number and ask them to ring every so often to make sure she's ok while you're still in the exam. Mobile because then she can stay out in the garden.

    I agree with Ballerina, god knows what her mum is playing at.

    I hope it all gets sorted ok, and that nothing happens.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Had another talk about what she can do last night. She going to stay in the garden and conservatry where the neigbours can see her. Also couple of her friends are going to phone her through out the evening (wont look to much like a setup as she moved away 5months ago and haven't seen them). I'll be phoning as soon as i'm out of the exam. She told me no point me going over as it will be about 10pm by time i get there.
    I'd still feel better if someone was there, but she says she'll be fine with neigbours next door.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well its her call obviously, but i think shes being stupid, unless shes over-exaggerating what the guy was like in the first place.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    all went ok in the end. She stayed in the garden the whole time. He said a few things, but he left soon after eating. so think we both worried over nothing in the end.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    glad it went well :)
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