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Just need to say this.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi me once again with my problems lol. Well i called my ex g/f on her mob the other day cos i felt down and i was thinking about her and it got me more down so i called her and when she told me she was round her new b/f's house i just had a go at her. I started shouting at her and wanting her to tell me the truth and wanting to speak to her b/f cos i wana ask him why he wants to or feels the need to knife me.

I then gave her an altermatum saying if she really wants to be my friend then she has to call me, she said she would in a week, i said that aint good enough and gave her 5 days to call me. If she dont call then she should just forget i ever existed.

Shes got 4 days left to call me now. but i still feel bad, she made me so happy when i was with her now i feel so crap, its like she dumped me for another bloke which made me feel bad about myself cos i dont think im good looking or anything anyways, now shes already with him like a week after she dumped me, (we split up like 3 weeks ago), she tells me she dont love me no more and loads of other things, its just like everything she said is a lie cos i ask her if she ment that and its like no now. i just feel so down, but id feel better if she didnt have a bloke 2 seconds after dumping me as it makes me feel bad about myself.

if she dont call i duno what to do and if she does i still duno what to do, i think she will call but at the last possible moment. i duno what to do! was i right in doing that and letting out my feelings to her?



  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey dude. i hate to be harsh here, but you're doing this to yourself.

    the more you cling to her like this the more you are going to cement her resolve never to be with you again, even as a friend.

    and think about things for a minute. YOU'RE the one being a bad friend here. you rang her to say hello. she tells you she's at her new boyfriends house, which is a signal for you to leave her be, and you have a go at her and ask to talk to her new boy friend? i mean listen to yourself. do you know how ridiculous that is?

    and then you give her an ultimatum? put urself in her shoes. would you want a friend like urself? and if she does call, what do you exactly expect her to say? "okay, i called, now what?" does one phone call prove to you anything you don't already know?

    friends are supportive dude. they help one and other out. and it's a two way street. right now.. ur being a horrible friend.

    if you're goal is to get her back.. even to just be her friend, then you have to stop this. get away from her. don't phone her. don't talk to her. just give yourself distance. because the more you keep this up, the more you are going to hurt only urself. this kinda of stuff will only make it easier for her to forget you ever existed.

    i know you're hurting dude, and i know you feel like your world is has crumbled, but you're letting this get the best of you. and it's driving you to the brink of obsessiveness. i mean you couldn't learn tolet this stuff go when you were dating her, but you need to learn it now.

    if you don't let this go, even for a while, you're only going to keep spirialing to lower depths. to the point where you're going to lose your mind.

    this is NOT the end of the world. you are better than this neo. you will move on. and you will find someone else. and you might even be able to be her friend again in time.

    but it takes time and it starts with letting go. so let it go, no matter how hard it is. u have to, for your ex and for yourself. please dude. don't let this wreck ur life.

    good luck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thing that annoys me most thought is her b/f emails me or txt's me and threatens to knife me and beat me up and watch blood trickle from my skull and everything, like if he is so wonderful then he'd leave me alone thats what got me started cos he knew she was with me but then nicked her off me and now wont leave me alone and thats what annoys me the most, if she was single or with another bloke id feel better but a lot of it is him and how he makes me feel. being told im gona knife u aint nice really. i duno what im doing or what to do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well the new guy sounds like a moron but you should just keep on good terms with your ex so that if this new guy carries this on you can show her the texts.
    ring her and apologise for blowing up at her and she'll think better of you i'm sure
    good luck

    I need to wash myself again to hide all the dirt and pain, but I'd be scared that there's nothing underneath
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i wana be mates with her, thats the thing but she had no right to give my number or email out, so i dont think i will say sorry. but i wana stay mates
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    he's obviously playing games with you because he knows he can. but ouch, i'm sorry i didn't realize it was that bad.

    i know you want her to see this guy for who he is. but you can't go overboard with it. calmly ask her to see you. show her the evidence. and let her make her own choice.

    even if you think he's evil, you being like this will make her stay with him just to spite you. if he is this evil, then get her mates, her parnets, anyone you trust to tell her too, because the most important thing is her safety. if you do this calmly and in a concerned fashion.. then you can prove to everyone your worth as a mate.

    but if she gave out your number AND knows that he is threatening you, then that's a pretty good sign of how she feels about you.

    i still think you should walk away. she will figure things out cause this new guy sounds like a psycho. and if she won't listen to you.. then you've done what you can.

    you really really need to just walk away from her and all of the crap that's going on. that's how you're gonna get over this.

    im really really worried about you dude. i think you're headed for some real trouble if you keep this up.

    but if i'm wrong or i'm being overly harsh, i'm sorry. i'm just trying to look out for you because it sounds like nobody is doing that right now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thing is she knows he is a dick head or what ever cos she even says it to her face, yet she says deep down he is really sweet. She knows what he is like cos he tells her what he does, Her mates know what he is like to, but i doubt theyd say anything bad about him cos 1) he a guy u dont wana mess with they all say and 2) she's their friend and they dont wana say anything. id love to tell her parents what he does and how he is but then itd probably just make her hate me or think im jealous or something.i do wana walk away but i duno, it just really annoys me she thinks he is so sweet, maybe he is but it doesnt really seem like it by what he does and things.

    If she dont call me on tuesday like she said then she wont hear from me so im just gona wait and see what happens. if she really wants my friendship as badly as she says then she'll call and if she dont then i wont bother.

    Dont worry about me though Calvin, i got mates who can look after me and i can look after myself, i live far away from him so i aint gona see him anyways, and she said shed protect me, what ever that is ment to mean. She told me she didnt give my number or email to him he saw it on her MSN and in her fone book, no doubt looking me up to haaras me. but i duno it just annoys me blokes like him and how girls like her are so blind and stupid and cant see what everyone else can.

    I think i'll leave it to see if she calls. I'll post on webnesday what happened if she called or not.

    But as i said dont worry i'll be alright. But thanxs for all your posts Calvin, they show some people out there care and are interested <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Mega Poster Posts: 2,822
    i was gonna reply to this last night but i was too tired to make sense <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt;

    i know just how painful it is when you break up with someone and they're with someone so soon after you. ive been there, believe me. when i foudn out he had someone else, i embarrassed myself quite badly and was crying down the phone to him and saying i wanted him back, and making impossible promises to him. and then when it became clear it wasnt gonna happen i started slagging both her and him off. and then i said its either her or me, he had to make the choice and if he stayed with her then he couldnt even be my friend. he didnt freak out at me, which im surprised at. ive blocked most of that phonecall from my head now. but basically he kept reinforcing it was over and that it wouldnt work with us again as it has clearly fizzled out and we'd drifted apart.

    so anyway that was that for a few weeks, until i decided i might regret losing touch with him, as he was my first love and hed been my best friend for 2 years, and we were together for 16 months of that. so we started emailing and texting again but i didnt like hearing about HER and when he didnt reply within a polite time frame id email him back and have a go at him. anyway that didnt work out with us being friends so we stopped talking after that, and i made my friends and my dad contact him about giving my stuff back.

    so i do know how you feel. but, you had no right to shout at her just because she was at her new bfs house. you also cant demand to speak to him. she is your ex girlfriend and you must get used to this fact. you need to get some time to get used to this, maybe dont contact her for a while.

    i dont think you should be issuing ultimatums. you were the one in the wrong, you ere overstepping the boundaries of friendship. she didnt do anything wrong. and ultimatums just show that youre not accepting the fact taht its over, that you still have some sort of hope that she'll ditch the other guy and come back to you. which i think you still might have... but you dont want to show her that. you need to trya nd get over her, and this ISNT the way to do it. ultimatums are immature. it just makes the person on the other end less inclined to co-operate, believe me.

    i think you should text/email/phone or something, and apologise for your behaviour, and for the ultimatum. say you think you might need some time to get used to the fact you're no longer bf and gf, and that you might not contact her for a few weeks, and that you'd rather she asked her new bf not to contact you either.

    its unfortunate that she's going out with a guy like the one she is, and cant see to see his bad points. its quite possible she's on the rebound, and soon enough she will realise she shouldnt be with him, and will see him for what he is. its so infuriating when you see someone you're close to with the wrong person. but you cant tell them this, they have to realise it themselves. the sooner she sees him for what he is the better really, or it might end up with her getting hurt. but you really have no right to express your feelings on the matter, as it just makes yoiu look like the jealous bf im afraid. you just need to cope with the fact she's with him now.

    even though she said she no longer loves you doesnt mean that the time you were together it was a lie. ive realised that now. my ex bf started seeing this other girl 2 weeks after we broke up, and he said he didnt love me anymore, and we were together for a long long time. for a while i thought that it meant the time we had together was some sort of sham. but ive realised now that of course he DID love me, but people move on and change. i wasnt in love with him anymore either. you still have the memories to hold on to, no one can ever take them away from you.

    my ex bf and i are back emailing each other again. maybe we'll actually be able to stay friends this time, or maybe the past will affect it too much again. we'll soon see... if you give yourself time apart now, it might be good for the friendship in the long term. give it a go <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
    ~ Nietzsche
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She didnt call, she said she would, she lied, she said she didnt cheat on me, thats a lie to ive found out, and now i feel like shite and just wana cry and someone to cuddle me but there isnt anyone.

    Sorry i know their are people with worse of problems so i wont waste your time with this thread. Thanxs for everyones replies though. im just gona leave it, if she dont wana be my friend i cant stop her.
  • Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Mega Poster Posts: 2,822
    *hugs* i know how you feel about the hugging and crying and stuff. the people willing to hug you are always too far away <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
    ~ Nietzsche
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your girlfriends gone you have to get on with things this other bloke will make it impossible for you to stay friends so again you need to except that.
    if you feel that you need protection, then there is somthing wrong and you should report it, that way when you smack him in the mouth you have some sort of defence.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
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