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Cohabitee rights

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Again, a method to protect them from that already exists.
    Does it?

    If it does, why are they drafting a new bill to cover such eventuality?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Becuase there is a vocal lobby who can't be arsed, or who see it as a step too far.

    I really don't understand why - and indeed I don't think that you have been able to explain it here. As I am not the only one who thinks that, I can only conclude that you haven't explained it well enough.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't have to explain it well enough- not my reasons for not getting married anyway.

    As I am not the only one who thinks that, seeing as it is good enough for the government as well as the millions of cohabitees affected, perhaps it is you guys who are unreasonably demanding explanations when no explanation is needed. Other than a very few religious leaders there hasn't exactly been a rush of people denouncing the proposals...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My word Aladdin, you know better. You know that in a debate you need to explain your reasons, and you know that we don't rabidly oppose something unless we genuinly disagree, or in this case don't see the point.

    So, it's down to you, I don't, we don't, see the point in this new legislation, so be our guest and explain why it's necessary when legally it's all already covered.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aladdin wrote:
    seeing as it is good enough for the government

    If someone said that as a reason to back a policy that you didn't agree with you would be all over them........ :rolleyes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aladdin wrote:
    I don't have to explain it well enough- not my reasons for not getting married anyway.

    You are right, you don't.

    The law doesn't have to be changed either.

    At least, not without good reason, and I've yet to see a good reason.
    the millions of cohabitees affected

    See, this is the rub. Affected through their own choices.

    My wife doesn't have a driving licence, she's never wanted one and she had her own reasons for that - in her case because she's scared and trust me, we should all be thankful for that ;) . But she doesn't complain that the law will not allow her to drive though. She knows that it is a choice which she has made. It's not been forced upon her, it's something she could change if she wanted to.

    The principle is exactly the same.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote:
    I think the people who have argued that marrage no longer has any other significance than its legal ones are in the minority. The majority of people view marriage as a comittment, a ceremony and a historically religious based bond beyond the pure legal obligations and rights regardless of whether the marriage was a religious or civic one.

    I have never said marriage doesn't have significance.

    I am saying that that significance is only what the partners make of it.

    You don't need it to be religious, you don't need rings, you don't need to change your name.

    Legally speaking, marriage is nought but a sheet of nice green paper saying that you and your legal spouse have certain legal rights and responsibilities. If you choose to impart more into it than that- and most people do- then that is something for you alone. Marriage does not have any greater legal identity because of what people put into it morally.
    People like co-habitees who want certain rights for each other should be able to get them without getting married. I do think these should be opt-in rights though.

    I agree, they should be opt-in. If you want something that changes your legal status so drastically, you should have to specifically state that you want this to happen.

    I don't especially care what this opt-in agreement is called, its all about semantics. Call it a civil partnership, call it a co-habitees agreement, call it what you will. The point remains that you should have to specifically state that you want the legal status of you and your partner not to change- something as important as that should not be left to legal assumption.

    There is a reason why every single document that changes your legal status needs to be signed and witnessed, and that is to prevent fraud and disagreement. If it's in black-and-white, there can be no argument about intent. There can still be argument about how the stuff gets carved up, for instance, but you can't deny you intended to get married if you signed the green paper.

    My biggest concern about any opt-out system is that it will be almost impossible to enforce. Either you have a rigid definition of a co-habiting relationship- in which case everyone will argue that they don't meet this defintion- or there will be a hazy and vague defintion of it- in which case everyone will argue that they don't meet this definition. The only people who will benefit from an opt-out system will be family lawyers- something which I suspect is the LSC's motive.

    It's something which sounds great as a theory- nobody wants to see a woman get booted out of her house after 20 years- but it simply will not work in practice. When a person is faced with losing half their house because they shared it with their partner (a partner they now hate) they will use every trick in the book to save it. That's bad enough in divorce proceedings, but at least in divorce proceedings you can't deny you intended for it to happen.

    Nobody has to explain why they don't want to get married. But they do need to explain why a fully functioning system needs to be replaced with a chaotic one in order to accomodate their wishes. Especially when thousands of other people will have their rights removed in order to accomodate it.

    Any change to an opt-out system will result in the courts being clogged up with arguments about what a relationship is, when it started, when it started being co-habiting, and it will be an utter disaster. And if an opt-out system was to override exisiting legal instruments such as wills, then it will be completely unjust.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote:
    My word Aladdin, you know better. You know that in a debate you need to explain your reasons, and you know that we don't rabidly oppose something unless we genuinly disagree, or in this case don't see the point.

    So, it's down to you, I don't, we don't, see the point in this new legislation, so be our guest and explain why it's necessary when legally it's all already covered.
    I thought I had covered at great lenght, but just one last time:

    Because for one reason or another millions of people cohabitate in a loving relationship for years, and it is unjust and wrong that if one partner dies or separates the other can find themselves with no support or mainteneance.

    It couldn't be simpler. Really.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You are right, you don't.

    The law doesn't have to be changed either.

    At least, not without good reason, and I've yet to see a good reason.
    Isn't the law of the land suppossed to serve the best interests of the people and to reflect society as it is today?

    Clearly millions of people are left exposed and vulnerable if their partner dies or leaves them. That you wish they would get married is a moot point. Some of them choose not to get married, some encounter a tragedy before they had a chance to get married.

    The government is right to introduce a law that will give greater protection to millions of people across the country- especially considering it doesn't affect anyone else negatively.

    And anyone who oppose such move must do so for their own, bizarre motives because sure as hell there isn't any rational reason to do so.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aladdin wrote:
    Because for one reason or another millions of people cohabitate in a loving relationship for years, and it is unjust and wrong that if one partner dies or separates the other can find themselves with no support or mainteneance.

    It couldn't be simpler. Really.

    Except, they could get married, it's not as if they're prevented from doing so, unless they're under the age of 16, and that would solve the problem, as would in some cases changing their wills.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:

    Nobody has to explain why they don't want to get married. But they do need to explain why a fully functioning system needs to be replaced with a chaotic one in order to accomodate their wishes. Especially when thousands of other people will have their rights removed in order to accomodate it.

    Marriage isn't a fully functioning system at the moment because it isn't being taken up be the people it could protect. Foe everyone to just keep repeating "they should get married" isn't very productive as that option has always been available and isn't being used...

    Opt out sound like madness to me too.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes, ok, but why isn't it being used? It can't be cost, because that's entirely dependent on the couple, or religion, because that's banned in a civil ceremony, or any moral promises, because you don't have to make then, or the name change because that's voluntary, or the rings, because that's not a necessity either...

    Opt out is madness.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    only there is some moral promise, otherwise- why is adultery grounds for divorce?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote:
    Yes, ok, but why isn't it being used? It can't be cost, because that's entirely dependent on the couple, or religion, because that's banned in a civil ceremony, or any moral promises, because you don't have to make then, or the name change because that's voluntary, or the rings, because that's not a necessity either...

    Opt out is madness.

    And, you are ignoring tradition and the accepted common use of the word marriage.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are you telling me that people don't get married because of peer pressure? because that's all tradition and commonly accepted use boils down to.

    Adultery is grounds for divorce as well yes, i think most people no matter what the stage of their relationship would end it if their partner cheated (except paul on neighbours it seems) it has little to do with marriage except for the legal process now required to end the marriage.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    OK, well as adultery is grounds for divorce and accepted by the courts, does that not mean that the courts view marriage as a moral promise? And if it is true for the courts, we can accept it in common practice regardless of blabk on white. We are all subject to peer presure, but if our example is the courts when looking at a legal arrangement, it is rather rude to suggest that agreeing with their view is somehthing of a weakness.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aren't "irreconcilable differences" grounds for divcorce as well? Grounds for divorce aren't all based in morality. And in fact, you don't have to divorce your partner if they cheat on you. It's just an option, like everything else.

    Are you seriously trying to tell me that you won't marry someone because you can, if you want, divorce them for cheating on you?

    ETA: and, if a legal partnership is based on two people being together, and one person is off with someone else, even from an entirely legal perspective the original contract has broken down.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nope. I'm trying to show that marriage has accepted connotations, which might be reason why it is not currently being used by people it might protect in order to counter the arguement that marriage is an acceptable option for the co-habitees who are not satisfied by the options for protection of rights that are already available to them. My arguements are hypothetical as I am not an unmarried co-habitee, I can't speak for co-habitees directly but I can see reasons why they aren't or don't want to get married but still want to have rights.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As far as I can see, all the possible arguements against marriage are entirely without substance. I can't see, genuinely, why we need a new name for something we already have.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote:
    Except, they could get married, it's not as if they're prevented from doing so, unless they're under the age of 16, and that would solve the problem, as would in some cases changing their wills.
    They could get married, but they don't. Their choice. And since millions of people choose not to, I don't see why or how anyone could justify leaving them in a vulnerable position or suggesting they must get married if they are to have the rights and responsibilities that should be theirs anyway.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote:
    Are you telling me that people don't get married because of peer pressure?
    I say it's the other way around. A lot of people get married because of peer pressure- as this thread has demonstrated wonderfully.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Woah there nelly. "Their choice" and yet "leaving them in a vunerable position"

    Little bit of a contradiction
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The point you have consistently failed to grasp is that getting married is not exactly like getting a bag of chips or buying a book of stamps.

    You and others who share your beliefs in this matter are effectively blackmailing people into getting married.

    How refreshing and wonderful.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't be foolish, of course we're not. They've made a choice, you've said it yourself. What you haven't said it why people who want everything that comes with marriage are choosing not to get married.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why should people have to get married to get rights? However many times you write "marrige is just a piece of paper" is not going to change thae fact that is isn't perceived that way for the majority of people.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Because you've said yourself that the opt-out system is madness.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote:
    Don't be foolish, of course we're not. They've made a choice, you've said it yourself.
    Yes, a choice not to enter an institution in order to formalise it in the eyes of the State and/or the Church.

    That is a fundamental choice some people feel strongly about, whether you understand that or not. It's not exactly like choosing between a red and a blue jumper. And that is why it is right that new legislation is introduced so everyone gets a set of fundamental rights as well as responsibilities regardless of whether they're married or not.

    I really am at incredible pains to understand what the effing problem with this is. I really, really, really am...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aladdin wrote:
    Yes, a choice not to enter an institution in order to formalise it in the eyes of the State and/or the Church.

    Except... that's what you're doing
    Aladdin wrote:
    I really am at incredible pains to understand what the effing problem with this is. I really, really, really am...

    Join the club.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Difference is of course that even though there appears to be two sets of people who don't understand each other's position, there is only one set of people prepared to screw up the other lot even though it doesn't affect them whatsoever.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sticking my oar in late in the game, I think any cohabitation rights should definitely be opt-in rather than opt-out. Many couples who cohabitate but aren't married do so because they aren't yet ready to make the commitments that come along with marriage (including entitlement to the home in case of a split, etc), and I don't think anyone should assume that just because you have been living with someone as a couple for X amount of time, that this automatically means that you want them to be treated as your married partner.

    I can kind of understand both sides of the coin; it must be awful for couples who are planning to get married or who have lived together for a long time to have something happen to their partner and then find out that they have no rights whatsoever in these circumstances. However I do find it difficult to understand why if you are in a loving relationship and you both genuinely want to have a life-long commitment to your partner, you would not get married.

    Marriage used to be an institution that had connotations of ownership of the woman, but it really isn't anymore and as Kermit said, marriage is what you make it. To maintain a view that marriage entails X, Y and Z (eg. demonstrating a commitment to your partner to the state/to God/the world, etc.) and that it *always* has to mean the same thing to every couple is, in my opinion, supporting the view of marriage as an institution. In the eyes of the law marriage is a legal contract, not an institution - whether or not it is perceived as an institution that has all these negative connotations is entirely up to you.

    I've read the whole thread and although I understand what Aladdin means about not necessarily having to explain his reasons in a free and democratic society, I think people just find it difficult to grasp why a couple in a loving relationship, prepared to make every single legal commitment that marriage entails, would not just get married. Its the equivalent of if I got a new job and were given a contract to sign, me saying "well employment contracts are in my opinion an institution that have negative connotations to me of slave labour and exploitation, so I want to sign something else that is exactly the same as this employment contract, but isn't called an employment contract".

    People are entitled to have their opinions respected, but such reasons are going to be very hard for the majority of people to accept/understand.
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