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Love or ambitions?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Here it goes guys. I've been in a relationship for nearly 5 months now. It has been very rocky but I think both of us have learnt from it and are more mature about it. I love him to bits and miss him a lot when I'm not in his presents.
We're both at the stage where we are finishing our A Levels and hopefully going to university in September. When the decision process took place to choose your firm and insurance choice university, it caused conflict in our relationship.
I had applied to Manchester Met uni, Portsmouth and Lancaster university and was accpted by all 3, with MMU having the lowest offer.
My Bf was accepted by all his too.
He came to an open day with me to MMU, we both liked it and pretended what it would be like if we went university together. It sounded like a really good thing as I wouldn't miss him so much.
The problem was, he hadn't applied to MMU.
He was thinking of going. I wasn't that sure I wanted to go to MMU, I preferred the other two if I was honest.
But anyway... my BF decided to cancel all his 6 choices and applied via UCAS extra to a course at MMU, he was accepted onto that course. I had told him not to do this since I wasn't sure about MMU and it was a risky thing to do. Despite this, he went ahead. Pretty sweet but it has ruined my ambitions.
When it came to firming a university I had to choose MMU despite me not really wanting to go there. I have been feeling misrable ever since. I am not looking forward to university. I wanted to go to Lancaster or Portsmouth. MMU reputation isn't fantastic, well Lancaster has a much better reputation, that's why I wanted to go, plus other benifits. MMU only asked for 200 UCAS points off me too so I haven't been bothered with my A levels.
So now I am feeling depressed since I will not get my predicted grades.
I am not going to a university I want to.
The good thing is really that I'll be with him and I'll be getting away from home, which i always wanted. But I'm not doing it to plan. I just feel my life is an absolute mess and I've been following this mess because I'm in love.
Do you think we'll end up having more arguments over this? I'm not inspired by university anymore even though I can't live at home for another year. It's not university it's self that I am not interested in, it's because I'm not going to my institution.
Did I do the right thing and just firmed MMU because I'm in love or will this eventually become an awful disaster?
Also... is there anyway I could go to my chosen university this year? Or do a year at MMU and see how it goes? How easy will it to change afterwards?
Do long distance relationships work? I believe they do, I love him and that only counts.
We're both at the stage where we are finishing our A Levels and hopefully going to university in September. When the decision process took place to choose your firm and insurance choice university, it caused conflict in our relationship.
I had applied to Manchester Met uni, Portsmouth and Lancaster university and was accpted by all 3, with MMU having the lowest offer.
My Bf was accepted by all his too.
He came to an open day with me to MMU, we both liked it and pretended what it would be like if we went university together. It sounded like a really good thing as I wouldn't miss him so much.
The problem was, he hadn't applied to MMU.
He was thinking of going. I wasn't that sure I wanted to go to MMU, I preferred the other two if I was honest.
But anyway... my BF decided to cancel all his 6 choices and applied via UCAS extra to a course at MMU, he was accepted onto that course. I had told him not to do this since I wasn't sure about MMU and it was a risky thing to do. Despite this, he went ahead. Pretty sweet but it has ruined my ambitions.
When it came to firming a university I had to choose MMU despite me not really wanting to go there. I have been feeling misrable ever since. I am not looking forward to university. I wanted to go to Lancaster or Portsmouth. MMU reputation isn't fantastic, well Lancaster has a much better reputation, that's why I wanted to go, plus other benifits. MMU only asked for 200 UCAS points off me too so I haven't been bothered with my A levels.
So now I am feeling depressed since I will not get my predicted grades.
I am not going to a university I want to.
The good thing is really that I'll be with him and I'll be getting away from home, which i always wanted. But I'm not doing it to plan. I just feel my life is an absolute mess and I've been following this mess because I'm in love.
Do you think we'll end up having more arguments over this? I'm not inspired by university anymore even though I can't live at home for another year. It's not university it's self that I am not interested in, it's because I'm not going to my institution.
Did I do the right thing and just firmed MMU because I'm in love or will this eventually become an awful disaster?
Also... is there anyway I could go to my chosen university this year? Or do a year at MMU and see how it goes? How easy will it to change afterwards?
Do long distance relationships work? I believe they do, I love him and that only counts.
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Comments
Back in late 2004, I was in the middle of applying to go to university. One of the universities I was applying for was in Cardiff, which was where a potential love interest of mine was studying. I didn't go ahead with the application, as it happens. This time round, I'd also considered going to Birmingham this year to be closer to someone else I know, but I decided against applying there. Frankly, I'm glad of my respective decisions not to apply to them in both cases. I'm going to university for my sake, not someone else's. A lesson for you here?
Not liking what you've heard so far? Sorry, it's about to get even worse. Looking at my friends experiences of starting higher education, many relationships started before university do not survive through it. Yes, it can be done, but it would require a massive level of commitment and dedication. The truth is, university has changed their outlook, it has changed them as people, and they've grown apart from their respective ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends. Some have met other people now, others are still single for the moment.
One more thing you might like to bear in mind. As you might know, I work for Haven Holidays. Back in April, I met a girl who's absolutely beautiful. She's amazing, and there is no doubt I've got feelings for her. A side of me wants to try and pursue something with her, but I'm well-aware that, in just over three months time, I'm off to university in Bristol. I know already that it could not survive such a strain. Knowing that I can't pursue this is breaking my heart, but I don't know what else I can do.
Going to a university simply because you're in love is disastrous, as I almost found out to my cost. You may also say that "I love him and that only counts". Sorry to burst your bubble, but this is nonsense. Doesn't your ambition count? Doesn't what you want to do with life matter? Your life will be longer than this relationship, that much I can be certain of.
I'm sorry if some of this comes across as downright nasty, but I feel I've got to say something.
I do want to go to university - this is my ambition. What us messed up is the actual university I am going.
On the one hand, my mind is saying... oh go MMU and see how it goes. I might love it and enjoy it. If I don't like it I could seek transfer or something.
But on the other hand, we may split up, may grow apart, just being friends, I'll regret all this too, may get really depressed about it.
I just don't know what to do now. it's pretty much too late to do anything but to sit there and let things happen - that's all i can do.
Similarly, if you choose not to go ahead, let me know, I've got some things I can say about that as well.
I'll be honest, I picked my uni because it felt RIGHT, and if it doesn't feel right on some vital level, then you've made a mistake. If you and your guy are really meant for each other you'll be able to handle a LDR, though I can understand it'll be hard for you to to break it to him that you're changing things now.
Obviously that's just my erxperience, so my advice if you have you really are dead set on Uni you should go. Relationships at that age should take a back seat. Look after No. 1.
I totally agree with Skive, though, you need to make decisions based on your own needs and requirements at this age and this stage of your life. Look after your own best interests, make yourself happy... and hopefully the rest will follow.
Don't be so supriised. Look after you family first then after No. 1.
It isn't a difficult concept.
When your your young the most important person you should consider is yourself. Once you have kids it's a different story.
Very true.
If the relationship is meant to be, then you will be able to survive the long-distance thing. I have a couple of friends who've stay with their partners throughout university, and some others who split up within the first year. Manchester and Lancaster aren't that far away, so it would be practical to spend every other weekend with each other if you're willing to (half the cost of a night out for one of you will get you a weekend together).
If your relationship is already rocky after 5 months, then theres a good chance it wont handle the resentment you are ALREADY feeling. If you want the relationship to work, you need to communicate properly to him what youve communicated to us. Theres no doubt he will feel hurt, but you have to do it and if its real love, then the relationship will survive.
Hope you manage to sort it out.
University is great, but hard work.
when i came to uni, i was in a relationship of four years. i was going to live at home and travel daily to be with him. in the end, i decided to move and live at uni, which meant i would have to be in a long distance relationship. by christmas, we had split up. uni changed me, i became more confident and more comfortable within myself, he couldnt cope with the change and we were no longer compatible. we both had issues with trust that neither of us had experienced before uni. its now that im really pleased i did what i wanted to do, rather than what was best for the relationship.
you really need to do what is best for you.
Firstly... I probably won't get accepted to Lancaster even if I rang them because I won't meet the grades. they're asking for BBB and I won't get that as I haven't been revising or anything because all this has bothered me so much. I'll probably get ACCd if I'm lucky, at the worst case I'll get ADDe. So I'll have to go MMU even if I don't want to.
On to the relationship.... it's so hard. erm... I have a thing for missing people. I miss him so much if I havent' seen him for a few days never mind during university. He once told me long distance relationships can't work, I disagreed but I had to pick MMU because I loved him and didn't want top break up.
He hasn't any idea what my plans are for uni as I've given him mixed messages. Especially when I'm drunk I'll go off crying because I feel I've wrecked my life. My mum will go crazy with me if she knew the real reasons why I'm going MMU.
I'm depressed and confuised about the whole issue.
If things could go the way I wanted.... I'd go Lancaster university, I'd be his BF, see him most weekends (Lancaster and MMU are not that far away) and go by that.
I duinno... I'm totally confused.
People thanks for the responses some are spot on but I can't actually admit it to my self.
You may well have a great time.
If you go and then really hate it, its not like your life is over. You could apply for a different one the year after.
In which case you need to think positively and make the best out of what you see as a bad situation.
We've already figured out that following someone somewhere isn't always the best idea, but if going to MMU is now your (realistically) only option then try not to get depressed about it, cos way i see it you don't really have any other choice at the mo.
Your saying stressing bout this is affecting your exams or revision? Don't let it. Concentrate on your exams for the mo. Do your best then maybe if MMU doesn't work out, you'll always have the option of going to Lancaster (or wherever) next year. Without the grades though, you'll have less options available.
It is possible that you could be worrying about nothing. You may get there and find the people/place/course are the best things ever. Who knows. You could have gone to Lancaster and hated it. Uni will be what you make it and thats regardless of whether or not your with your bloke or without him.
Hope some of that makes sense, i don't go to uni or anything so probably not
The city itself is fantastic. There's loads for everyone - shopping, cinemas, libraries, museums, clubs, bars, pubs, restaurants, LOADS of live music... and you're only down the road from other places that are equally as fun - Liverpool, Leeds, Sheffield.
Ah yes, I might as well point one thing out to Luke. There's a halls of residence in Manchester called Wilmslow Park. I think it's open to any student studying in the city. Word is that this is a halls of residence with its own gym and its own spa. Worth checking out...