guilty

Bunnie · May 2006

I dont know where this should go and Im sorry if its not here.
I dont know what to even write, I feel weird.
I had the abortion yesterday, I thought I was ok, but my cousin has just left me and now I'm on my own for the first time since it happened, and I cant stop crying. I feel so horrible, and I feel empty.
I need to scream sorry from the rooftops, but sorry isnt enough for what Ive done. I want to do something to show I am sorry, but I dont know how, and I dont know what to do.
I dont know if i should even be writing this here, but I dont know what else to do.

littlemissy · May 2006

Honey, you have absolutely *nothing* to be sorry for.

I have no words of real comfort as I don't know what you are going through and I won't patronize you by saying I do. So all I will say is to allow yourself go through the emotions you need to. Let yourself grieve and let yourself cry. But remember that you had your own reasons and you *do not* need to apologize for anything.

Thinking of you xx

Former Member · May 2006

What Littlemissy said is right Bunny. You have to give yourself some time to come to terms with this. It gets better with time, I promise. xx

Former Member · May 2006

Its a very hard time, I'm sorry for what you are going through I have been there although a lot of years ago. I hope it gets better for you soon. Dont punish yourself, you havent done anything wrong all the what if's and perhapses running through your mind wont be helping. If I can be any help let me know.

Former Member · May 2006

Hope your ok Emz. I'm rubbish at things like this but *hugs*

Bunnie · May 2006

thank you all so much, the crying has stopped for the time being. i just feel funny because i dont know how to feel. i didnt cry at all yesterday, so i thought id be ok, i thought i had already come to terms with what i was doing, but obviously not.
i just want some way of letting it know i am sorry, and i didnt do it lightly. i wouldnt put my worst enemy through this, its not a nice experience at all.
i am so grateful for everyones help and support, i dont know what id do if it wasnt for you lot.
thank you.

Former Member · May 2006

Honey (hugs) This is gonna be hard for you. Your hormones are all over the place and that can really fuck you up in the head, as well as the fact this is never an easy decision to make.
you did what you felt you had to do according to your circumstances. Youve got plenty of time ahead of you for children and this was an accident. Im sorry you had to go through this, and I hope it gets easier really soon.

Former Member · June 2006

Hey hon, I was wondering how things went for you. What you're going through is normal, there's nothing wrong with going through the process of coming to terms with it all, even the right decision for us sometimes is the hardest one. A lot of women find the first two weeks after a termination the hardest. This is because while you're no longer pregnant, it takes your body some time to catch up with that, so hormones will still be a massive influence, which will be playing a small part in how you're feeling at the moment.

i just want some way of letting it know i am sorry, and i didnt do it lightly

Different women do different things. Out of the women I've seen/known, some will light candles, plant a small tree. One lady took the opportunity to make positive changes in her life, by getting out of a bad relationship and going to university. Some write poems. Do something that feels right for you.

Former Member · June 2006

go_away wrote:

A lot of women find the first two weeks after a termination the hardest. This is because while you're no longer pregnant, it takes your body some time to catch up with that, so hormones will still be a massive influence, which will be playing a small part in how you're feeling at the moment.

Absolutely.

Despite feeling so low right now, you're going to start to get over this, and be able to accept it and move on with time. Your emotions are bound to be all over the place, and when you add in the adjustments your body needs to make physically it's completely understandable that you feel utterly confused and distraught. Just because this was the right decision for you, it doesn't mean that it was an easy decision and that is will then be an easy choice to recover from having made. There's no "normal" reaction to having an abortion, but I'd say the way you're feeling certainly isn't out of the ordinary.

In terms of apologising and getting across the seriousness of your decision, I think the right way will come to you in time and you'll find how you can best let go of those feelings. In the meantime, don't be hard on yourself... take good care, sweetheart. If you need a natter feel free, as always, to PM. Thinking of you

Former Member · June 2006

Bunny_0_ wrote:

i just want some way of letting it know i am sorry, and i didnt do it lightly.

If you wanted to have some sort of little private ceremony then maybe that would help. As go_away said, maybe a candle lighting or tree planting, or something. As I said, Even though you made the decision, its still a bereavement of a sort and if you want to do something to mark what happened, maybe that would help give you some closure - maybe not immediately but when you feel ready?

Former Member · June 2006

Hugs, i have no wise words but am here if you wanna chat.

guilty

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