If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Someone asked my girl out...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, so last christmas eve I had a tiff with my girl because I was trying to call her all night, she didn't respond, and when I finally got hold of her at some ungodly hour, it turned out she had been at the pub with a male friend who had texted her and asked to meet up with her. She was quite shifty about it and I was pretty sure something funny had happened, and I wanted to know why she had spent christmas even ignoring my calls, in the pub with some guy I don't know (and it wasn't a close personal friend, just someone she sort of knew from playing in a band)......... Anyway, I was pretty put out about it, particularly as I had a funny feeling something funny had happened and she wasn't telling me. Last night, I finally found out. Turns out this guy hit on her and asked if he could kiss her. She didn't oblige, but nonetheless I am pissed off that she didn't tell me what had happened. At the time she even told me I was out of order for being annoyed that she'd spent the evening with him and that nothing funny had happened.
I feel really cross now I know the truth; particularly because, a couple of weeks ago, we bumped into this guy when we were together and she dragged me over with her so she could talk to him. Firstly I'm cross that she actually wanted to speak to the guy (he knew fine well she had a boyfriend when he tried it on) and secondly I'm cross that I was standing there whilst she spoke to this guy, and he probably thinks I'm a wimp because I didn't challenge him about it - the point is, I didn't know!
How would you feel in this situation? I just don't like the way she has been so clandestine about it and then spoken to the guy, out of choice, in front of me, knowing that something wrong had been said between them and that I didn't know about it. Grr. Not happy. I *knew* something was up, 6th sense....... and it has taken me 5 months to find out. In light of the above, I feel like I've been taken for a bit of a prat! :chin:
I feel really cross now I know the truth; particularly because, a couple of weeks ago, we bumped into this guy when we were together and she dragged me over with her so she could talk to him. Firstly I'm cross that she actually wanted to speak to the guy (he knew fine well she had a boyfriend when he tried it on) and secondly I'm cross that I was standing there whilst she spoke to this guy, and he probably thinks I'm a wimp because I didn't challenge him about it - the point is, I didn't know!
How would you feel in this situation? I just don't like the way she has been so clandestine about it and then spoken to the guy, out of choice, in front of me, knowing that something wrong had been said between them and that I didn't know about it. Grr. Not happy. I *knew* something was up, 6th sense....... and it has taken me 5 months to find out. In light of the above, I feel like I've been taken for a bit of a prat! :chin:
0
Comments
If you see him as a threat, then I think you need serious talks with your g/f. Not in a confrontational sense, but this shit is obviously gonna hurt you and she's showing no respect for you as her boyfriend. Not even so much the time she went off without telling you, but dragging you over because she wanted to talk to the guy?
I've been there before, but then she wanted to go off with him because he was loaded and had a car and stuff. T'is a horrible feeling, feeling inadequate like that. It sort of started from the pretty much exactly the same situation yours did, but by tiptoeing around my feelings the shit hit the fan big style.
I'd personally have it out with her, don't back down and just tell her exactly how you feel.
You'd had a row, if i was her i'd ignore the phone as well, probably out of pure mardiness to be fair (we're quite good at having the huff). It's not her fault the bloke came on to her and by the sounds of it she's a big enough girl to take care of the problem. Yes you'll feel a prat as it's your male ego kicking in but if you keep going on the way you are it'll probably end up in an almighty ding dong and wreck everything. Just try saying to her that if it ever happens again you would like to know and that you feel you have a right to know about it.
p.s there's always going to be tosser that try it on with other halves especially if you've had a row and they see their chance.
I had someone come on to me when i had first started seeing my bloke but i haven't told my bloke purely because i dealt with the situation myself and everything is now sorted. If i'd told my bloke then he would have caused an arguement, steamed in tried to fight and got all of our friends fighting. This lad didn't know i was with someone but has kept his distance since i told him to leave it alone. End of. Sometimes ladies can sort out problems on their own.
Appreciate your input *but* we hadn't had a row; we had a row because of what happened (or rather what I suspected might have happened) after the event. We hadn't fallen out and she wasn't in a huff when she went out so had no reason to ignore me.........
I don't see him as a threat, I'm just pissed off that she introduced me to him a couple of weeks ago (he hadn't even seen us, she made a bee line for him!)and, being completely oblivious to what had happened at that point, I was perfectly polite and civil to him, whilst she chatted to him about what he was up to and how he was doing etc etc.
It's not unreasonable to expect, purely out of decency, that she would not go out of her way to talk to someone who basically slapped me in the face, is it?
Wouldn't most girls be mightily pissed off if another girl tried to snatch their guy, and their guy then saw this girl in town, dragged her other half over, introduced the pair of them and started chatting to the 'would-be-snatcher' about how she was and what she was up to?
I don't understand why she cares how the hell the guy is; he is a moron and I don't know why she'd want to make a point of speaking to him after what he did :chin:
The point is that it did not go any further and while you may think he's a moron, perhaps your girlfriend thinks he's ok (as an acquaintance)?
Its understandable that you may feel a tinge of jealousy or possessiveness but your relationship has been good since then - so let this one ride ....
That was me reading it incorrectly. I thought in your starting post you meant that you'd had a tiff and then she had ignored your calls etc. Didn't realise it was the opposite way round.
Personally I would find it really embarassing if my partner stood there huffing and puffing and giving evils to someone I introduced them to because they had been attracted to me in the past, and I would not expect my partner to ask me to end a friendship with someone because of something like that. That is just my opion, perhaps I am too laid back but actions speak louder than words and the facts of the situation are: nothing happened with your girlfriend and this guy, and she is with you.
Well he hadn't met me before, but my girlfriend said she'd spent half the night talking to him about me and about how happy she was with me.......... so I do feel kicked in the jaffas.
I hear what you're all saying though, she's still with me and it's been fine since. Cheers folks.
I have to say I agree with this.
As do I.
Ah, thank you ever so much! I was starting to wonder if I was being silly! Your first paragraph sums up exactly the way I feel about it. To add to that - and this is probably a 'guy' thing since we're meant to be all protective etc etc - but he probably thought I was a bit of a poof for being prepared to stand there and be nice to him after what he'd tried to do. Maybe he thought I'd wanted to come over and challenge him but then lost the balls for it or something once we got over to him. Fact is I was completely oblivious!
When he tried it on with her, he wasn't drunk and like I say, my girlfriend says she'd spent half the night talking about me and about 'us'.
Exactly like you said, it's the fact I was nice and civil in my ignorance, when in reality I wouldn't want to be anywhere near him, and certainly not stand there and talk to him. Thank you for restoring my faith in my own sense of where lines should be drawn!