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Three Words. To Say, Or Not To Say?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So, I've been seeing an incredible guy for about 2 months now, but we were friends before that for a couple of months also. By now, we know each other really well. He's awesome in so many ways, and we can have fun together, alone or with friends, and things are amazing romantically and sexually.
BUT! Recently, I've found that I've had to stop myself from slipping out the words, "I love you." I know that I really like him, and I adore and admire him so much. The danger comes from saying it.
In your relationships, have you ever said it by mistake? Have you ever said it and regretted it later because you realised you didn't mean it? Have you ever made a partner run a mile, or have you ever run from a partner?
I'm just curious, because I'm trying to consider what his reaction might be, just in case the words ever did slip out.
BUT! Recently, I've found that I've had to stop myself from slipping out the words, "I love you." I know that I really like him, and I adore and admire him so much. The danger comes from saying it.
In your relationships, have you ever said it by mistake? Have you ever said it and regretted it later because you realised you didn't mean it? Have you ever made a partner run a mile, or have you ever run from a partner?
I'm just curious, because I'm trying to consider what his reaction might be, just in case the words ever did slip out.
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Comments
If you feel it then say it. Theres no rule as to when you can say it. Oooo I love nice stories like this one
This is very true.
In answer to the actual question, I'd say err on the side of caution but don't feel that you can't say it just because it doesn't feel like the stock period of time before you can get away with saying it. Saying "I love you" has always been a long time coming for me by the time I've ended up saying it, but you feel it now, so it's not an invalid emotion and you obviously have a very close relationship in which you care about each other very much. If you feel unsure then hold off, but I'm pretty sure his reaction would be a positive one if you did say it
I had a bit of an embarrasing experience with this with my current beau on this subject!! We had been together four months and like you it kept feeling like those three words were gonna pop out! So as Valentine's Day approached I thought it would be a bit cheesy to write it in his card, so I planned to say it on the weekend when I would be taking him to a health spa as a Valentine's Day treat.
Anyway on V-day I received two bunches of flowers at work! One said a sweet message with his name on, and the other said 'Love you lots all the time' - I was sooo excited as he had said it first!
I called him up and was gushing away and saying I couldn't believe he had bought me two bunches and how sweet was that - to which he replied that he had only bought me one bunch! Anyway, to cut a long story short, in my moment of loved-up ness it didn't click that the other bunch of roses with the love you message wasn't meant for me (florist had made a mistake - no it wasn't from a secret admirer!) so I end the phone call with 'I love you lots too!' Then came silence, an embarrased giggle and see you later for dinner...
At his that night he said to me "What exactly did the messages say again?!" and then I realised. BIG CRINGE moment. What made it worse is I had re-opened his valentine's day card and added 'I love you' to the end of it and there was no time to change it, so a second cringe moment! Luckily a week later he did actually say it and I have to say it meant a lot more than if he had felt he had to say it then and there! Funny now, but not at the time!
I actually gasped reading that..
Very
And her boyfriend, I bet he got a right earful!
I don't know why I feel like there has to be a certain amount of time before I say it. I just feel like it's a bit inadequate.
Thing is, we aren't even in an actual relationship. Though it feels like we are, and I already trust him more than I have trusted my previous boyfriends. I'm just unsure... should I really be saying it before we're properly committed and together?
Reactions vary from "Really?", and "Awwwwww!" to "Right you, out!" so it's a matter of training myself to hold back. Still useless at it.
I'm sure that really helped, eh?
Men do that quite a bit in my experience and then they 'forget' they've even said it the next day. Lol
Which brings me to another point. I'm still a virgin, despite having lasting relationships. My last relationship was a year long but we didn't ever have the chance to have sex (younger sisters, etc). But with this guy, I feel already like I'm ready and willing, though I haven't said this to him yet. I don't know whether that's to do with my feelings for him, or just because I'm bored of my virginity (does that even happen?)
Dammit... I just keep confusing things! :yippe:
Don't worry so much, thats the main thing. Go with the flow. You sound like you have your head screwed on right so I'm sure you will know when its time.
Wow!! Congratulations on being the first person to ever think that I'm remotely sane! Have a cake! :birthday: Let's just hope you're right now! Tee hee hee! :yippe:
Exactly.
None of what you've posted is weird or abnormal, but then neither is asking for advice about it.
Trust your judgements, that's my advice :yes:
Ya see, this is my thinking also. Because of the cynicalness. It happens to the best of us, right?
Couldn't tell you. Haven't been in love.
Agreeing would be hypocritical of me. I think 2 months is too soon, but if you feel you are ready... and you have had other relationships before...
People loose their virginities at parties with randoms, so if you feel right, and he does, then I don't see a problem. What's his virginal status? And it depends on your relationship. I dont get how you said its not a fully committed relationship. Are you non-exclusive?
As for me being hypocritical, me and my boy lost our virginities to eachother at i think 5 days before our 3month. A perfect opportunity arose and we felt ready a discussed how we were ready a week beforehand. It was both our first relationship too.
In hindsight, or looking from the outside, it was a bit early, but we were ready and we dont regret it at all! Sex is great!
I think the "i love yous" should come before the sex. But just my over-romantic opinion
Yeah it can do
We actually have an article on saying I love you which you might fancy reading - lots of good advice here though
It's really easy to say it early when you're all caught up in the moment and everything's exciting. It means more when it hasn't all been so easy.
We're at the 'seeing each other' stage. I know I wouldn't consider seeing anyone else. I just wouldn't want to. He's going home over the summer and we have decided that a long distance relationship for 3 months wouldn't be great, and it wouldn't be nice to start a relationship while being apart, kinda thing. Which makes sense, and I'm willing to wait. He says that once the next semester starts, we can be in a relationship.
Basically, it feels like a relationship, just without a label.
To everyone who thought that I was being a bit too keen... You were right.
Two months was way to soon. I didn't say it, and I'm more than glad that I didn't. I know I would have been very hurt.
Turns out I was just a bit of casual fun. My emotionally-attachable self didn't quite know what to make of this. But I can deal with it.
So thanks guys
sorry to hear that, chin up n all.
Have a cake:
:birthday: