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Relationships and money
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
This is kind of a morality question, I think.
Do you think it's right for someone to keep some money to one side, without telling their partner? Now if you both suddenly need money for something (house repairs or a baby), how would it feel finding out about the secret finances of your partner?
Or how about any other secret for that matter?
Idealy it might seem easy to say secrets are bad, but...
Imagine the point of view of a woman who kept some money to oneside, and is more easily able to escape a violent husband.
Do you think it's right for someone to keep some money to one side, without telling their partner? Now if you both suddenly need money for something (house repairs or a baby), how would it feel finding out about the secret finances of your partner?
Or how about any other secret for that matter?
Idealy it might seem easy to say secrets are bad, but...
Imagine the point of view of a woman who kept some money to oneside, and is more easily able to escape a violent husband.
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Comments
But then that is probably because I'd want to do the same myself -- I can't say how I'll feel in the future but at the moment I really can't imagine being in the position where I would want to submit all my money to the joint coffer. I think I'd be very uneasy having no independent financial source whatsoever, and I think it would cause problems for me if my partner had a problem with that.
In that as long as there is enough money to pay the bills, and even some joint savings, that its fair to keep some money aside.
With regards to what scarlettleeds mentioned, I agree that its a potential minefield in a relationship.
But basically... it's not an issue. If I was living with someone it would be enough for me to know that we could get by. If he had savings that I didn't know about, that's fair enough. I think only in marriage everything should be shared, because you're living and doing everything together.
Well see this is one of the exceptions I was talking about because if you were my partner than I would certainly share my money to help you out I wouldn't keep it hidden in that circumstance.
Totally, I was backing you up :cool:
I'm just rubbish at remembering to do the whole quoting thing goin on! Tee hee!
I've lent my boyfriend like £700 odd pounds at a time before for a new car, and while i knew i wouldn't get it all back for a couple of months i would have been quite bummed if he hadn't of paid it back at all considering i was the one in college, and him with the full time job! Odd twentys and stuff is different and i'm not too fussed about that because we pay for each others stuff quite a bit, but large(r) amounts i think is a bit different, unless of course it is for something for the both of you like a new kitchen/washing machine etc.
I'm probably just a selfish sod.........
If they can't even tell me about their piggy bank, what else are they hiding from me? What is the secret money actually buying, if it isn't stuff for me or my house? And I'd be pretty pissed off if my partner decided she needed to keep a secret escape hatch open.
I do keep a source of money for myself, but its not much, just pocket money, and my salary only goes into my sole account to stop the bank moaning at me. For us its a joint account, joint finances and joint liability.
Now obviously I'm not talking about any of my prospective family going without anything they want or need. But sometimes the shit can hit the fans, and planning for it cant be a bad thing right?
Say my wife leaves me, or I need to pay a lawyer for something important (maybe even secret). It it wrong to plan for such things?
I assume my wife will be working and have her own income, so its not like I'm stealing her share or anything, am I?
I've gotten a mostly negative response, so I'm seriously thinking about whether its a bad idea to begin with.