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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    Ohhh bollocks...

    Going away on 2 holidays possibly (1 def!) this summer, only problem being... if I'm going to be swimming- means I'll be wearing a swimming costume... my thighs aren't too bad, but the scars are still there, and noticeable... anything I can do about it?! I'm already rubbing in cocoa butter once a day.
    Thnkuuu

    Try this, as it always worked for me:

    Get some viatmin E capsules from boots or wherever, has to be the ones with the luqiud type stuff inside. Get a pin, prick the capsule skin and apply the stuff inside to the scars everyday before bed. Its takes a while to work but Vit E helps to promote healing. To be honest it works best of fresh cuts rather then old ones (which is why I have very few s/h scars), but might help you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote:
    I hope you do manage to stop before things get any worse. As Suzycreamcheese (argh I keep going to type "Rainbow Brite"!) says, you do end up rationalising even the things you know are wrong and really wish you could hate.

    I'm waffling a bit but I know that I really, deeply regret my self-harm at the moment and I really want to try to persuade other people that it doesn't help. You might get more sense out of me, if you need it, via PM. It's too hot and I have Latin on the brain.

    Thanks. Its already has got worse. I think its more the depression than the self harm at the moment. My 'normal' self would be trying to stop and fighting it becuase I no I dont want the scars and everything but I really feel like I dont care at all, about anything. Really pesimistic I no. Its really wierd because a couple of months ago, if someone had sugested that I would ever be in this mess I would have laughed in their face. I would have said that I would never let it get so far, I would get help so I can get back to dancing and my training as soon as possible. That I wouldnt want to waste all this time mopping about everyday, I would want to work this out myself.

    But actually, not caring or remembering anything & not having a clue what I think or feel anymore... it totally bliss. I dont have to deal with anything because non of it matters. Its sad that its got to this point and I dont even no why. Lol i dont even care why.

    It does help to write stuff down. I gona go and eat Ben & Jerry's and watch films.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know how that feels. I'm sorry if I'm going over old ground but are you having any outside (professional) help right now?

    I'm on PM or my MSN is up there .^. if you need owt.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dancin_k8i wrote:
    Thanks. Its already has got worse. I think its more the depression than the self harm at the moment. My 'normal' self would be trying to stop and fighting it becuase I no I dont want the scars and everything but I really feel like I dont care at all, about anything. Really pesimistic I no. Its really wierd because a couple of months ago, if someone had sugested that I would ever be in this mess I would have laughed in their face. I would have said that I would never let it get so far, I would get help so I can get back to dancing and my training as soon as possible. That I wouldnt want to waste all this time mopping about everyday, I would want to work this out myself.

    But actually, not caring or remembering anything & not having a clue what I think or feel anymore... it totally bliss. I dont have to deal with anything because non of it matters. Its sad that its got to this point and I dont even no why. Lol i dont even care why.

    It does help to write stuff down. I gona go and eat Ben & Jerry's and watch films.

    didnt want to just read that and not reply. just wanted to let you know im thinking of you, and pm me if you want to chat ever.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks. Iv been to the GP and she was really nice and stuff, In think shes trying to get me an appointment with someone that shes knows (not a counseller not a physcologist but someone in between) but I dont know if she'll be able to and how long it'll be.

    Basically no, but I dont even no where I would go. And if I'd be able to talk to any random stranger.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I saw a counsellor earlier in the year. Its not for everyone, but I found it amazingly helpful. Sorted out a lot in my head. You need to be prepared to just be open minded and talk honestly and know that they wont judge you. Its certainly worth a try.
    Mind you, I wish everyone could have the counsellor I had because she was brilliant and im sure not all are as good.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Try this, as it always worked for me:

    Get some viatmin E capsules from boots or wherever, has to be the ones with the luqiud type stuff inside. Get a pin, prick the capsule skin and apply the stuff inside to the scars everyday before bed. Its takes a while to work but Vit E helps to promote healing. To be honest it works best of fresh cuts rather then old ones (which is why I have very few s/h scars), but might help you.
    Yea, that's great thnkyou! Will try that. Part of me is just thinking that I may not go swimming now, i dunno, will decide nearer the time. Cor, have had only one night of urges this week- must be a good thing! Unless it's all storing up for my exams :yeees: This is the first set of exams since about year 11 at high school, where I won't be cutting to cope with pressure :nervous:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    Yea, that's great thnkyou! Will try that. Part of me is just thinking that I may not go swimming now, i dunno, will decide nearer the time. Cor, have had only one night of urges this week- must be a good thing! Unless it's all storing up for my exams :yeees: This is the first set of exams since about year 11 at high school, where I won't be cutting to cope with pressure :nervous:

    Not looking forward to exams - one week, four three-hour exams, no stress-release mechanism. :banghead: God, I'm tempted to start smoking agin!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I swim in a vest top and surf shorts. Infact I've swam in a t shirt before. Surf shorts are good though coz they make you feel less self concious and still dont look out of place or anything. you can get really nice girly ones from tkmaxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I swim in a vest top and surf shorts. Infact I've swam in a t shirt before. Surf shorts are good though coz they make you feel less self concious and still dont look out of place or anything. you can get really nice girly ones from tkmaxx
    :thumb: You're an angel! Thankyou! Will check out tkmaxx when I'm next shopping. Thankyou again!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    suicidal thoughts passed through my head last night and admitidly i got a bit freaked out. OMG :banghead: whats going on??? i wish they would go away just had to let that out
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote:
    ^^^ He's on day eight now. I have no idea what changed though, what made him quit. He had a mental health nurse visiting him a couple of times a week for about a year but that didn't seem to help.. He just decided to do it. Hope it lasts, although he was in a major strop yesterday- maybe a spliff would chill him out *joke*. Maybe one day your brother will just 'decide' to do it too... Sorry I have no usefull advice, it's soo frustrating to watch though and I can definatly sympathise with you.

    x

    How's he doing now? Still going good?
    Hopefully mine will manage to sort himself out before he causes himself real problems but I don't see it happening in the near future.
    dancin_k8i wrote:
    suicidal thoughts passed through my head last night and admitidly i got a bit freaked out. OMG whats going on??? i wish they would go away just had to let that out

    I wish I could tell you what's going on but I'm still trying to work that one out myself. The fact you didn't act on the thoughts is a good start. When you get them try and do something to lift your mood. Write down the reasons why you shouldn't act on them and re-read it. It usually works for me because it makes things seem less pointless when I can see what I've got rather than what I haven't. Remember there are people here that understand and if you want to talk just PM me *hugs*


    Anywho...
    It feels like it's 4 against 1. Everytime I think I've beaten 1 another comes back. Hell, I thought I'd beaten three of them but as soon as I try and tackle the last they come back and fuck everything up. Looks like I'm going to be stuck with at least one of them for ever. They wont let me win and how can I fight 4 things at once?

    And why is all this happening a week before my bloody exams and a month before I move house? As if I haven't got enough to think about!

    Grrrr argh! :mad:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Everything was going so good today, now I'm a complete mess. I think I jinxed it Click- as emailed you saying how good my day has been etc, and ever since then I've been nothing like a stressed, confused, fed up mess.

    Grrr. Have a sociology exam a week today, now have to decide whether I revise my arse off, or fail the course.

    :yeees:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    Everything was going so good today, now I'm a complete mess. I think I jinxed it Click- as emailed you saying how good my day has been etc, and ever since then I've been nothing like a stressed, confused, fed up mess.

    Grrr. Have a sociology exam a week today, now have to decide whether I revise my arse off, or fail the course.

    :yeees:

    Throw yourself into your revision, it should hopefully be a distraction. Pity I Cant be bothered to do any revision yet!

    On another note my parents are going away next week, so I'll be on my own at home. Not sure how I'll cope, beining on my own! My boyfriend has a new job which means early starts so I cant really seem him during the weeks now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know the feeling. My boyfriend starts work at 6am, so I usually only see him on weekends.

    Haven't been able to throw myself into revision though. May just go to bed tbh. Not in the mood for revision.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes, it is. I've been struggling a lot lately with issues around the scarring on my arms - people do treat me like a leper and feel it's their right to ask about them, which upsets me.

    Incidentally, you can't necessarily see self-harm. Most people hide it. I've chosen, now I'm recovering, to exercise my right to wear whatever I damn well like because I think society needs to start accepting people who've self-harmed.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote:
    Yes, it is. I've been struggling a lot lately with issues around the scarring on my arms - people do treat me like a leper and feel it's their right to ask about them, which upsets me.

    Incidentally, you can't necessarily see self-harm. Most people hide it. I've chosen, now I'm recovering, to exercise my right to wear whatever I damn well like because I think society needs to start accepting people who've self-harmed.

    Well said!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote:
    Yes, it is. I've been struggling a lot lately with issues around the scarring on my arms - people do treat me like a leper and feel it's their right to ask about them, which upsets me.

    Incidentally, you can't necessarily see self-harm. Most people hide it. I've chosen, now I'm recovering, to exercise my right to wear whatever I damn well like because I think society needs to start accepting people who've self-harmed.

    An other good thing about wearing your scars in public is that it acts as a screening process, people who judge you by seeing them and make assomption and shit will not come and want to be your friend, which is good as if they do such they most of the time don't a clue and would just waste your time.

    The only time I hide mines is when I go back home or if I go to a job interview.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I tend to show my arms all the time except when there is cuts there and people generally don't ask. If they ask what happened I just say i happened. If they push it i'll tell them, its not really their business.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm hoping that after reading everyone's posts (yeh it took a long time!) that everything will get better! But sometimes i really doubt it! x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So... I wanna set up some kinda charity campaign thing, to increase awareness of self harming and stuff at secondary schools espeically. Anyone wanna help?

    Of course, it won't happen till after uni probs cause I suck at life.

    But I'd make a music festival out of it, cause music always helps. Yas!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ^You'd probably be best off talking to one of the clever bods at thesite.org :).

    I feel sodding awful at the moment. Hate tablets - always horny, always sweaty, always tired. Meh...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ^You'd probably be best off talking to one of the clever bods at thesite.org :).

    I feel sodding awful at the moment. Hate tablets - always horny, always sweaty, always tired. Meh...

    Here, have this. It's for you:

    :birthday:

    (Inside the cake is a hug)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    LOL! Cheers! :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I hate giving in to, because its even harder to not keep doing it.
    I was doing well, havent cut into the 2nd layer of skin for months and months.

    pathetic
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ^You'd probably be best off talking to one of the clever bods at thesite.org :).

    I feel sodding awful at the moment. Hate tablets - always horny, always sweaty, always tired. Meh...
    Horny?! Hang on there... I'll drive up to you! lol.

    Anyways... I actually feel ok, no self harm in nearly 3months, lost track of when the last cut was, can't be arsed to keep counting anymore tbh. The test will be this week though, my Aunt died last week, and her funeral is the day of my first exam, so I can't go to the funeral, and am worrying about the exam.

    There was a possibility of me being able to take the exam on my own, instead of in a massive exam hall, which I think could help, but depends how I feel on the day I think.

    Got my new car last night, was a big inncentive to work harder etc.

    Am now eating a Mars bar- or should I say a 'Believe' bar, and going out for a drive later.

    Life is going ok. For once. Counselling is a bitch though. Like the counsellor, just hate her questions, how she refers to me as being 'depressed', how the questions are asked, the depth in which I'm meant to answer her. And how I only have 5 sessions left with her, 5 SESSIONS?! Like that's gonna be enough! Still seeing Additional Support though, and am really finding them useful. Just want to stand on my own two feet though, I mean if my friends can make it through exams, revision etc, then why the hell can't I?

    I'm not 'depressed' as the councillor calls it, I'm just struggling in life with myself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sikorah wrote:
    I hate giving in to, because its even harder to not keep doing it.
    I was doing well, havent cut into the 2nd layer of skin for months and months.

    pathetic
    It's not pathetic at all. The fact that you haven't cut into the second layer is really good, let alone how long you've managed not to cut the second layer for.

    This may make me a hypocrit, but no matter how long you've stopped for, it's a great accomplishment, it's the fact that you've stopped that is important. This makes me a hypocrit, cos I never used to see how well I was doing, I had friends e.g. Click saying how well I've done, but I honestly couldn't see it. It was like it was invisable, and I had my black shaded glasses on, only seeing the negatives.

    ETA: To quote Click: 'Congratulations on losing track of the days - you're winning, and you fucking know it'.

    That made me feel good, I'm winning at the moment. Don't know how long it'll last, but I'm making the most of it, and making the most of my good mood and positive-ness, which frankly, can be a rarity!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    Life is going ok. For once. Counselling is a bitch though. Like the counsellor, just hate her questions, how she refers to me as being 'depressed', how the questions are asked, the depth in which I'm meant to answer her. And how I only have 5 sessions left with her, 5 SESSIONS?! Like that's gonna be enough! Still seeing Additional Support though, and am really finding them useful. Just want to stand on my own two feet though, I mean if my friends can make it through exams, revision etc, then why the hell can't I?

    I'm not 'depressed' as the councillor calls it, I'm just struggling in life with myself.

    As time goes by, you'll hopefully find that the sesions were more useful than your first though. Surprisingly little is achieved in the sessions - they just seem to say enough to help you look at things in a different light, and be able to understand them, and deal with them better.

    I'm sorry about your aunt.

    Congrats on the car :). Feel free to pop up and relieve my frustration ;).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Squirks49 wrote:
    gfdg;lksfd ;glkdf'kkl';lfdgk;sklfkgfklsdkg'flsksfdlkg;skl'fskldgkflkg'kg';fskl;gs;lgkkf'lgk'sdklgk'lkf;gk';kytoeriptier

    What is the point?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    That made me feel good, I'm winning at the moment. Don't know how long it'll last, but I'm making the most of it, and making the most of my good mood and positive-ness, which frankly, can be a rarity!!!

    A day will come and you'll realise that you're not winning any more. You'll not be able to remember the last time you cut, nor the last time you wanted to cut. At which point, you've won :).

    It's all about little achievements - if you can go for 5 days without cutting, then even if you cut on day six the achievement doesn't disappear. It's just that you have to start at day one again - in five days time you'll have equalled your previous achievement :).

    Had you not cut, you'd have been on the eleventh day... ;)
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